Last Post In My Adulthood

See, since my father passed away, died, kicked the fucking bucket, bought that goddamn farm I've had radical changes. Wait, I shouldn't say that in past final tense. I'm still finding out what's wrong with me, who my friends are. I'm not meaning this in some fucking friendly fire to get attention like those mindless ginnies on facebook. I actually mean adult friends who won't ask questions and will stay with you until your mind goes. No, all my friends abandoned me when my moods started to swing like that pendulum in Edgar Allen Poe's tale.

I am not depressed.
I am not a spoiled bitch who wants attention.
I actually am bipolar.

This means that I cannot control my emotions. Sometimes I get so bad that I have to call people so I won't hurt myself or others. It's a nice little perk of knowing me.

Jaccob, Fallon, Becky, Marina, and my family have stayed, but the others... Who's to blame them? Who wants to constantly get called off or spoken down to. I cannot control myself in my fits of rage.

When my father died I had a belated reaction. Took me four months before I began to cry, on hands and knees, that he was dead. People don't get over death, they sort of keep it in the pocket of their goddamn hearts -- coping. Coping does not mean that they're over it and butterflies land on some fucking noses. Coping means you learn to live without the person.

To help understand.
I can miss my mother and sister. I can miss my father. But the difference is I can see only two out of the three. I will never be able to cure the missing with my father. He's gone. Utterly and completely deleted from this world. One of those files that fry with your hard drive. I can no longer ask, "Hey, daddy-o, remember that one song that I liked in the car that one time we went to get breakfast.... I can't remember past this one lyric....?" Nah, so many unanswered questions. It'll have to stay like that too. That's what people don't understand.

You know, when I started feeling the grief I couldn't sleep. Hell, I couldn't sleep since we left the hospital. I would sleep in two hour intervals, if that, and hope my family (who were greiving) didn't see my black eyes. It wasn't until I moved in with the fucking love of my life, Jaccob, could I sleep. Something about sleeping beside another breathing human you love helped me.

But he didn't understand at first. No one fucking did so I give a huge berth of understanding. Hell, this is funny, so pay attention. Jaccob knew I couldn't sleep without him -- we fought on the weekends he wanted to be out at 3AM. One particular night Todd (you guys see that fucking face to your right? Yeah, him) hosted a guy night. Jaccob promised me home by a decent hour since fuckface lived five minutes away. Well, to sleep, because I had to work the next morning, I had to stone myself into a goddamn stupor. Crawl to the bed, and leave my mind to force my body to shut down.

He didn't return home until fucking 2AM, because Todd's wife, Alura (referred to as cuntface now) decided to get "accidentally" drunk at a house party (with people she didn't know) at 31-years-old... Two kids sleeping soundly in their beds under the ages of ten. Hell, this is funny, isn't it? Because Jaccob and Eric decided they didn't want to stay and watch two sleeping children. Naw, they picked up Cuntface's ass and left me be. When I turned over and he walked in the door I freaked out. I thought he had been home in my stoned stupor. I got pissed, needless to say.

I stopped talking to Fuckface and Cuntface, just to calm down. I was trying to get over it because I didn't want people to change their lives for me, I just wanted people to understand.

So, in the midst of my anger, this happened between Cuntface and I:

Nothing changed, that's what we said to each other. Target told me I still had to respect her as my superior, even her husband who agreed with everything she said.

You know what's even funnier about those two? SHE CHEATED ON HIS ASS. Because he wasn't manly enough, she was bored, she wanted to ruin her life, I don't know, I don't care. Todd was told he had until August to be a better man. He's going to try for her. Although she cheated.

Know what's funny about cheating assholes? The ones you loved since high school and always fucked with your head. That's Kyle fucking Grimes. I loved him. He always told me he'd wait for me. That didn't happen. He took whatever threw itself at him, no matter how nasty. The night I told him about my father was the night he changed the subject about his friend that may be going to jail. We tried talking again, but we was making fun of me for having love for my boyfriend, how I cried after sex because I was utterly happy. One time, not too long ago, Jaccob and I came at the same time. Exactly. To the very second. How many movie moments do most couples have? So Kyle can go to Hell, just like the other two shitfaces on here who said they were my friends.

Fuck everyone.
I hope to never see you again.
I hope everyone moves the fuck away and leaves me the hell alone.

Fuck you.

I've Been Running on Empty

 (Em is her friend. Took me a bit to understand that because I thought she was text-ually clearing her throat.)

I do decree it was lame of her to use "Lmao."

I got my hair did. It's that short all around. Originally she had it flat-ironed to my head. My round fucking head. Even the bangs she left me were trying to make my face a square. But I'm not a [square]. So, I went home. Cut my own bangs as short as I wanted. Then I wet it and let my natural curl take place. In person, it looks very vintage-British. I like to think I'm that cool.

Jaccob is playing Sleeping Dogs right now. I'm trying to find middle ground in music. I have been devotedly listening to his Pandora station "The Used." So I find songs. Right now, I'm listening to The Used's album In Love and Death. I'm trying really hard. He did with mine. The only band he successfully likes is The Black Kids, and they haven't made an album in a few years. He got me obsessed with Kings of Leon. They've been dominating my playlist for several upon several months. My favorite album is still Only by The Night. So, if you find a kick ass shirt with that album, hit me up.
They're the only band I actually want to see live at the moment.

My puppy is proving how much of a strict, dominate mother I would be.
I'm talking, sit down and listen.
River does neither. She's so fucking defiant. The other day when it was merely me and her, she looked me right in the eyes and began peeing.
I started cursing and trying to catch her. She knew what she did. That's why she high-tailed it out of there.
She also likes pissing on my bed. I wouldn't let her up here anymore, but those puppy eyes do swoon Jaccob and Jaccob swoons me. It's a very rough cycle, very rough on the skin. Have to moisturize twice a day.

I have nothing interesting to say.

Oh. When I was at the gas station the other day. I heard some guy coughing up something. I looked over and some dusty, middle-aged guy was chucking out his lunch beside his pick-up truck. Then he stopped, wiped off his lips with his forearm and just casually headed up to the minit mart.
Kudos, stranger.
I've seen more people vomit out and around their car than actually seeing my vomit hit the toilet. I know, I miss a lot.
Ha, get it?

I'm about to piss my pants.

My Hands Smell Like Penis

So, Jaccob and I were having pillow talk and we started discussing disfigurements with people and how you can't stare, no matter how intringing because it's just considered rude. But, all you want to do is ask questions and touch it and such.
Well, I mentioned this one man I saw while working. He was very tan, tall, and had on a typical, single-male attire, atop with a hat. What wasn't normal were the little knots under his skin, all over him, head-to-toe, like alien armor. Then Jaccob made the, "Ewwwwwww," sound.
"I know. What if they were on the bottom of his feet, inside his mouth? What if they were little tumots?"
"Or," Jaccob retorted, "they're all little bubbles that you can pop with a pin or something. Like a blister and all the puss comes out."
"Ew, shut up!"
"What if they're all over the bottom of his feet and he leaves a trail of slime behind him as he walks away."
"Seriously, Jaccob, this is making me nauseous."
"What if they're in his ass and when he wipes he pops a few and has to stay on the toilet..."
"Jaccob, this is fucking sick, stop."
"What if they're all over his penis and when he masturbates he uses them as self-lubricate."
I twisted his nipple.
"Fine," he said as he chuckled. "I'll stop."
There was a pause, then I began laughing. "Self-lubricate."

It's been a blur since the last entry.
The puppy, River, is growing like a fucking weed.
Work is just work.
Jaccob and I have been so busy going to my mom's, Glasgow, and work that we really don't have time for each other.
Oh, what happened in Glasgow...

Jaccob and I went to to a party at his brother's. Without asking, Jaccob told me he'd be the DD that time so I could actually drink. I'm not a big drinker and only rarely do it, so I never mind being the DD. Well, I let myself get a tad tipsy.
I knew I was drunk when I stopped at the front door, looking across their spacious floorplan of the living/dining room along with a kitchen, to their backdoor. And the people coming in would look around the empty house and then catch my eye behind the front screen door. They would pause, realize I'm not breaking my eye contact, and awkwardly walk away.
Three people did this with me and only one laughed -- he already knew me anyway, so I don't know if I should count him (not Jaccob).

Saw my puppy vomit today in slow action. It was beige, green sludge and it slid right onto my sister's arm and leg. She was pissed, but I was definitely laughing on the side. She was not happy with me, because, apparently, dogs get car sick to my "crazy driving."

Two young girls, at a local park, decided it was a good idea to put a friend in a box, with sticks for arms, and small eye holes to walk around and not have a reason for doing so. Young whippersnappers.

This 23-year-old isn't young and wants to go to bed.

PSST, check out River's Blog.

River is Snoring and The Earth Shakes A Little Bit

So I've been having one hell of a week. Been cleaning at my mother's; been celebrating my sister's birthday; and I learned that auto mechanics can suck my ass.

Went in for two tire changes, rotation, and an oil change. So they called me up and told me (and I'm paraphrasing here), "Since we're heavily advertising struts and shocks, yours are out and we need 1700 to fix your very fucked up shocks and struts. That will be one-thousand seven hundred dollars." When they tell a lady of twenty-three that she NEEDS to replace something that may cause her to die she kind of freaks. I tried for credit, and so did Jaccob (to help me, the sweetie pie -- AND NO, I did not ask. He just did it.). Then since I had no money to cover the extra 700 I got to thinking about it. I did not want to pay that outrageous fucking amount.
If my dad were alive, he'd turn all red and yell at them.
So, I just had one tire replaced and an oil change.
They all seemed a little saddened that I did not help their income or hours, or fucking paychecks.
Ladies, let that be a lesson. Always make friends with a mechanic so you can always get a second opinion.
My uncle called auto zone to see how much the struts and shocks were. Sixty dollars apiece.
At the place I went to, they wanted nearly six-hundred for the parts alone.
I cannot stress how crooked companies are toward women nowadays. Well, always.
The place I went to was Tech Tune.

So my sister turned TWENTY-FUCKING-YEARS-OLD on Saturday. Makes an older sister feel even older.
I made her a marble cake with four things of frosting to cover the beast and to decorate.

 Oh yeah, that's right. Took me forever and a picture to base that crude icing drawing.
Everyone liked it, aside from my uncle and mother. My mom slapped my arm with a big smile.

 Everyone, go ahead and go, "AWWWWWW."
That's right. In the second picture, her head was on my vagina. She knows where the magic happens. Of course, that could also mean my vagina is so boring that animals and Homo sapiens fall asleep on top of it.
Ouch.

Oh yeah, four four leaf clovers. I think they're overtaking my yard. I found these in like a minute and a half just waiting on River to shit (which she didn't -- she waited until she was in my room and went all out). Then I got bored winning and settled on going outside.

 As I'm typing this, River is curled up in my lap asleep. It's the little things.

I'm usually not sober for me to remember all the funny things. Yet, watching James Bond's Goldenfinger was hilarious and amazing. I really like watching Sean Connery.
Oh, and I also saw Autsin Powers for the first time. Don't judge me. My parents were strict when that movie came out and then I just forgot about it over the years.
It was funny. I would've enjoyed it more, however, if I had first seen it in theaters.
Dr. Evil is the best character.

I want to garden so badly.
But I'm afraid I'll fail at that then make myself depressed.

But, my mother's home and we have some fiscal transactions to take care of.

Later, folks.

The Deal With Baths

Okay, folks, I apologize for my blank mishap with my last post. I got this new google docs app, and it said I could edit and delete posts. To see if that worked, I made that. Then there are two options: one, I'm a fucking moron because I couldn't find out how and I'm too proud to click the question mark, or, two, they're fucking idiots.
That's right, it's the latter.

Right now, Jaccob and I are watching Dr. No. River is in my lap, curled up and sleeping. It's awkward trying to type over her.

So I thought of a new story idea one night, just on the edge of sleep. I think I startled Jaccob when I said, "I just thought of it!" But that was what I intended.
I told him and now he wants to join me.
I like writing sci-fi horror and that's basically what he reads/watches. So whenever I go over those parts, he broadens my ideas to a spectacular level.
So, I told him when we do write it, I'm going to dedicate it to him with, "To Jaccob, my personified imagination."

Okay, I have some unruly obsession with making out lists of the pros and cons of baths and showers.
Surprisingly, they come out about equal.
However, I am a bath girl. I fucking love soaking in some soapy, used (from me) water. I also like to usually smoke a little, but that's neither here nor there. I really miss huge tubs. They're rare in my tiny world, but well appreciated. See, baths, to me, hold some kind of resolution of innate calmness.
Downsides, you're in your own filth. And if you have to shave your pits or something, you kind of marinate with the hairs until you're finished and well saturated with raisin fingers. Plus rinsing hair, especially conditioner, is particularly aggravating.

I have luck. I was at my mother's so when I came in, did my bragging, I put it in the front pocket of my mom's purse. Later on she texted me with, "You forgot your clover."
I replied, "No, I didn't. Have good luck, Mom."
BAM. Sweetest daughter ever.

I bought Street Fighter Monopoly for Jaccob. I kicked his fucking ass. He forfeited because he was in such bad shape financially.

Ha, just brought this in and didn't ask no one's opinion too. I fucking love this shower curtain.

I think this picture accurately describes our relationship.

I went to the book festival Saturday with my sister. Talked to the reoccurring authors, met some new cool ones. Especially this little old man. He was so sweet. My sister and I bought a book apiece. Saw my Intermediate Fiction Professor. And I saw her husband, who I'm going to have to take the semester after next.
We met Amanda's future self with the big southern hat, and the old style southern dress. Make-up right on the spot and everything. Very ladylike. Even wrote a book about flowers being in desserts. 

Jaccob fell asleep and the dog is dream-twitching. I'm in love.
BUT HOW COULD JACCOB SLEEP WITH A POISONOUS SPIDER CRAWLING ALL OVER A HALF-NAKED, SWEATY JAMES BOND.

I have one more entry to make.
Alas, I forgot my material for it. So I might have to wait until I can remember all that I wanted to say. Sorry guys, I know I'm not so much dedicated anymore.
River takes up my spare time and I love to have her to.

Night, folks.

RIVER SONG

 

All these pictures are of my new puppy, River Song. She's one fucking handful. After this, I will never buy a puppy again, but something over 8 months to a year. Needs to happen. Potty training for this dog is one fucking hassel.

She's had so many accidents.

When we first got her, she liked to hold in her poop until it built up to this landfill of stinky, off-colored shit. So, when I would wake up in the morning, there would be up to seven piles of poop. Well, not just wake up. Her shit is the opposite of the smell of spring flowers. No, it's the landfill in the dead of summer. I would have to get up several times, clean up her messes, try to teach her the entire world OUTSIDE of the house is her potty. Just so I don't have to clean it up. She's learning, but sometimes likes to look me in the eye as she does it.

Like when I finally convinced Jaccob to take a cold bath with me. The air was broken for the hottest week of spring thus far (imagine that, cruel karma). We got in the bath, but the amount of adjusting was insane. And when we finally adjusted and realized that we really couldn't move, the dog squatted on my toilet rug, looked me in the eye, and began pissing. She seemed just so happy.

And don't think she hasn't had accidents on the bed. She HAS to sleep with us, and we really did try to avoid this. But, she's done it six times in the three weeks we've had her. When we were in trial with no bed, she climbed up my shoulder while Jaccob and I were joke-texting. I texted, "She's on the bed." So I wanted to look at her and she was pissing. When I yelled out and looked down at my phone to put it down, Jaccob replied, "hahahahahahaha," then got up from his seat beside me to help me.

She likes to try and catch water droplets you flick at her when she keeps wining to get in the tub and when you don't pay attention, she likes to start to attack my new beautiful shower curtain (which will be in a post later).

She doesn't like loud noises. I laughed really loud. She woke up and barked at me until I stopped. When I did, she went back to sleep.

People working the drive-thrus want to touch her and swoon over her. But they're working in food service and I never offer. Or give in.

She farts, all the time. She particularly likes when I cannot roll my windows down because of rain or something and farts those putrid gas pockets like crazy. Makes me want to vomit. 

She hates cords and shoelaces and uses her teeth to show the dislike.

At a little over two months old, her jaw is finally strong enough to make her toy squeak whenever she finds the plastic bubble inside.

She learned her name, "River," the first day I got her.

And that's all I got. I had so much planned yesterday, but we all know how flaky I am. So I am going to go. I am just tired and Jaccob is asleep before me and I want to take advantage of this odd time.

Three Years And Nothing to Show But This Stuffed Dog

So, on the first of April, yes, the holiday of those fools, I will be working for Target for three years. A toddler's age where self-care is being learned, where they discover bodies, and talk back. In three years I could've raised a functional child.
The HR guy gives out cards each year you've worked there. My card included to redeem a gift online. I did.

I chose this piece of hot ass in the sweater vest.
I almost chose the suit and tie one because I could play Suit & Tie by Justin Timberlake and it be relevant. But this look just gets to me.
I kind of want to invest in this sort of outfit for work to look this amazing. These threads just do it for me.

I'm jamming to Taylor Swift while Jaccob plays with himself in the shower. Now it's Eagle Eye Cherry.

I've had an okay day so far. Of course it's just a couple of hours past midday. Jaccob and I are supposed to go out for ice cream tonight, after another dinner outing. I plan on waking up and cooking him breakfast before he goes to work, shhhhh, he doesn't know about it.

So that entry was earlier.
Now, six hours later, he's playing a game and he's been trying to tell me a story worth one minute into five. Ha.
We had Haru Sushi for dinner. Sushi was amazing, but he had me try the soup appetizer. Burned my tongue worse. And the spicy mayo didn't help matters either. It hurts so bad. I hope I don't get other white sores where it looks like I have HPV in my mouth. How embarrassing, ha ha ha.
Then we hurried to Stackz to cool down our mouths from the spices. I let that cold ass shit just soothe my tongue. I would keep it on there until it was warm liquid. My tongue is hurting again.

Dropped my favorite lighter with the painted face in the bath today. It's dead. Pity me.

Jaccob and I were racing a few days ago. Full on race. Well, he went to pass me and he was so close his shoulder touched mine. I tried to nudge him away, but he was un-nudgeable and I completely skidded onto the concrete with my palms face down. I skinned my elbow through my thick cardigan. And I bruised and skidded up my right knee through my jeans. My right palm was the worst. Tore the skin right off. It kept opening up and bleeding for a couple of days. Now it's, what Jaccob calls, "Dragon skin." Sore to touch and look at. If I worked in food service as a server, then they would ask me to wear gloves.
When I was on the ground, I kept saying, "Ow, it's so painful."
Jaccob was laughing, and was trying to help me up, but the pain.
I said, "Stop touching me! It hurts! Ow! Ow! Stop!"
He kept laughing.
"I'm bleeding!"
"No you're not."
I flashed my right palm at him, "See, I am."
He rolled his eyes when I finally stood and couldn't full stretch out my right leg. I was hobbling. Jaccob then decided to try and pick me up and I was trying to slide my foot faster so I could drag race out of his reach (ha, get it?).

Today, at work, the electricity went off due to the storm. The long-ass storm. About forty-five minutes there were hardly any lights and no one could clock in or out. So, yeah. But I don't know why that's blog-worthy.

I'm going to go finish Stardust now.
Wish me the best reading.

No love,
Me

Oh Shit...

So I thought about writing a post about how much I like sucking dick, but I realized that Fallon has been guest-posted on iwillnotdiet.com and I am linked inside. This didn't bother me and until I realized some of the subject matter on here.
It's like I dropped the soap on purpose or something.
So maybe I need to cool it and act like Virgin Mary.

Today I woke up.
Today I thought about my name being Mary.
Today I was thankful that it was.
Then I thought about if I was related to Bloody Mary.
Finally, I thought about how innocent I'm not.

Todd's birthday was nice and well-paced. His cake was so much better than Scotty's (I am sorry that the time crack founds it way into the Tardis). It was just neater, I guess. Learned all the ways to avoid another time crack (that's why it's round).
I learned I'm more of a maid than a hostess. I just couldn't stop washing the dishes that were dirtied. Maybe that's how I take out my nervousness. Cleaning up after boys. Should I even call myself a feminist anymore?
By the way, Flamingo has been mentioned before on here, if you want to know the history (which I doubt you do), just search through my entries like you're a Historian or something (Fallon, I'm nodding my head to you right now).
By the way, again, take a mirror to "83."

Kyle's head looks odd, I know.

DUNDUNDUNDUNDUNDUN.
I painted this for my Amanda.
Took me like three days and a whole lot of patience I usually have reserved for knitting to finish it.
It says, "Meet some friends of mine," on the bottom. I don't know why that violet color would be good for black lettering.

I painted this old shelf I found in my garage. It used to be my great-grandmother's.
It's now standing in our living/dining room area.
I bought a bowl for it. It's sort of pity-looking. Shame too. Just like my great-grandmother.

I did not bother to clean off the table so you can see them in use.

Fallon bought me these gorgeous place mats for my apartment. The guys like them, but I honestly didn't care if they liked them or not, they were staying.
I also bought these purposely girly plates. They're light blue with snowflakes. They never said a word about them. Har. My plan to get reactions failed. On to another way then....
We bought all that I've mentioned at Kohl's. We went shopping because we missed each other. Too bad I can't just not be busy, or her.

Right now, Jaccob is playing the Batman game. I'm not going to try and look up the name. Batman slammed Hugo Strange against the glass. I yelled out, "OH YEAH, THAT'S HOT. MAN ON MAN ACTION."
No reaction from Jaccob. Didn't even act like I was talking.

It's jellybean season! And we all know what that means -- Heather is aiming for a new cavity!

It's only 8PM and all I want to do is sleep.
Jaccob looked back at me while his game was loading and saw me laying out on the bed with my eyes half-lidded from fatigue. He smiled and asked, "Bored?"
I slid my eyes over to him, saying, "Yes. Immensely."
He laughed, asking, "Then why don't you talk to me?" He went back to his game.
I looked back at the game too, "Because you don't have a good response time."
He waited ten seconds and then said, "Ha, no I don't."

And to end this:

I was texting my sister through my mother's phone.

Chocolate Chip Cookies and Such Things

So, I haven't been blogging much and I'm going to blame the universe for keeping me so busy. Besides, it's not like strangers read this and feel like they're missing out on some Kentucky chick's life. No. My friends like to stalk me which I like to support 100%. Maybe I just like attention -- who knows.

First things first, I attended my FIRST EVER Super Bowl Party. It was at Jaccob's brother's house. Trust me, I was not amused the entire time. I really don't get football. Not understanding it is one way, another way is that I'm bored out of my mind and begin making stories. Like the sacred man with ball is sacrificing himself for his people. 

Too bad, right?

But, Jaccob has a niece and I amused myself with her by making funny sounds.

She was a quick booger though. She's not photogenic.

However, I HAVE A BIG ANNOUNCEMENT!!
And although Jaccob and I hardly told anyone before we took action, I decided to make one permanently and in fell swoop so one might have all their questions answered here. You know, like an F.A.Q.

Jaccob and I moved in together. I still stay a night or so a week with my mom, but we live together now. Surprising, I know.

I moved in a couple of weeks ago. Well, barely two weeks ago. I have my own side of the room and he does too. The only awful part is keeping up with laundry because his brother lives with us, too. Well, I live with them technically. 

Oh, and food. I do the cooking and cleaning and grocery shopping. I'm sorry, ladies, please judge me later.

They eat like they've only had prosthetic food. 

By request from Alan, I made Scotty a Tardis cake for his birthday. It cracked in the middle during transportation. I told everyone it was the time crack eating away at the memory of the cake. Everyone believed me. THE FOOLS.

 Jaccob did hang up my painting. And I hung up my pig calendar right beside it (which the amazing Fallon bought me as a surprise). Which I've moved it since this pic was taken. It's above my "dresser."

 Fuck the alignment on these pictures. It wouldn't me do it in a way that actually makes sense.

The other night Jaccob let me draw on his toes. So I did. I giggled the entire time. Looking back, I'm grossing myself out. I was not sober.

But moving out is encouraging. However, my food, dishes, and laundry does not magically replenish itself anymore. If I have time outside of homework I'm doing that. If not, I'm with Jaccob. If not, I'm ignoring life and just getting my groove back.
Which takes two tries for Stella.
She just can't get the hang of it apparently.

Now I have to fold laundry. I will come back and talk more about my Archeology major. It's going well thus far.

P.S. - Another thing I truly, really, honestly miss aside from Mom and Amanda is my cat. My God I fucking miss that furry beast. Like a child I miss him.

My Boyfriend is Gay

He is. See, I took a bubble bath. A sweet, sensual, naked, frothy, steamy bubble bath. My skin pinkened, my hair got wet on the tips, and the bubbles just could not cover my lady parts. I even left the bathroom door unlocked for Jaccob to see, to talk to me. For the sixteen minutes I blew at bubbles, made shapes, and felt the little air pockets roll across my skin, Jaccob did not, not even once, come see me in the bathtub. I walked out, told him this, then said he liked men.

I did the whole set up. A porn director could do no better (of course I'm sure that the porn director would have another guy and a dildo lurking somewhere in that water).

He redeemed himself later, but, damn. He's that one fish that doesn't take the bait.

However, the point of all that is not my title's subject, it is that bubble baths, airborne, are absolutely fucking amazing. I completely loved the feel of a thick layer of bubbles moving between my sliding hands. I cannot think of another relaxing moment.

Trivia for this story: It was the last of Japanese Cherry Blossom Bubble Bath that was Jaccob's. I don't own bubble bath soap.

May gave me this and said, "It's a rock... That looks different. Just like when I drew daddy the turtle that looked different."

'Nuff said.

She never followed through with the rabbit.

Jaccob - Take the top cover off because I don't want to be too hot.

Me - Or collllld.

Jaccob - Yes. Because if you have the two....

Me - We get it. You're the Goldie Locks of temperature.

School is going okay. My first week was very stressful. Mostly in the unprepared sense. I just cannot get my shit together. I just don't have the stamina or drive. I wonder where I could find some... Probably in the sweat and tears of the honor's dorm. Those kids know how to be quiet and study. DON'T WORRY. I'm doing better. Just did my agenda for the next week and have some of the studying finished. 

I'm drunk right now, so I shouldn't really study.

I should be writing my story. It's hard to concentrate anymore.

I guess this is ta-ta for now, folks. Have fun in all your life's endeavors. 

You Virus'd Me Up

That's what Jaccob just said to me.
This blog post has a new locale, ladies and germs.
I am at Jaccob's house while he's lazily on his phone. He looks completely bored. Know what he's reading on his phone? My blog.

Me - I'm updating my blog at your house.
Jaccob - Aww, you forgot your hat.
Me - *looks over and grabs his black knitted one* That's okay, I have this one. I'll just stretch it over my big head.
Jaccob - *in a sincere whiny voice* Noooo, don't do thaaat.
Me - That was a believable concern?

At work today, during Jaccob's and Todd's lunch, and my thirty minute break...
Jaccob - There should be a certain length on blog posts so I don't have to read nine pages of someone's blog.
Todd - Don't read it then.
Jaccob - I don't, but, still, there should be.
Todd - I don't want one so short where I accidentally read it before I can stop.

We got a new cat! "Muffy is the name, struttin' is my game." She's cool, but bipolar and really doesn't like Molly, my dog. 

Jaccob and I, the other, other night, went to Starbucks. While I was reading, I looked up and saw this. Then Cody, a co-worker of ours, sees us and challenges Jaccob to make him a dog. Jaccob took the opportunity and used it to his advantage. 

"Ruff, ruff..."

I will not try and make a Mine Craft joke, I will not make a Mine Craft joke...

Or a Baha Men joke either...

Good, I succeeded.

And the last thing before I go and try to talk Jaccob in to playing Rummy with me....

Jaccob and I were in the kitchen eating his very tasty nacho dip when he invited his brother to eat some. Brother stands in front of me beside the stove to get some. Jaccob came over and swatted at my left boob. I started really laughing while Jaccob looked satisfied and WHILST Jordan began looking very awkward.

I then pointed at Jordan and asked Jaccob, "You know he can see in his peripherals, don't you?"

Jordan then walks away to the other side of the kitchen.

I'm still laughing.

Jaccob disappears.

Brother then begins rambling about nonsense really and then lastly says, "Yeah, I'm trying to lessen the awkwardness but it's not working."

I then decided to walk away, still laughing.

Tha-tha-tha-thaaat's allll, Folks!