Summer Reading

 A/N:
- This is an exact replica of Fallon's Post.
- They are in order in which I read them.

1. Gates of Fire by Steven Pressfield - 400

This book was given to me by a friend names Jaccob. For my review, hm, it's manly as manly can be. How else could I describe a detailed history of Spartan warfare? The only thing it truly didn't disclose, via Fallon's brain, is that the commanders had sex with the boys. Honestly, how could that be intertwined with pissing on shields, dying boys, and girls who aged severely as she was separated? I did like it, it's just that historical fiction isn't my thing. I once read The Jungle by Upton Sinclair... The only thing the book has done for me has been making me look really smart whenever a history teacher asks if someone has read it. Don't get me wrong, the twelve pages of actual information were good. The rest was like a long-ass essay about the living conditions of the immigrants. I sound heartless.

2. Sacre Bleu by Christopher Moore - 403

This book had a slow, slow start. A reader would mostly be lost within all the characters who were more energetic than I could be in 19th century France. But what swayed me over with this book is the research. This book is set within the impressionist period and it is miraculous. He made the research just wonderful prose. The book was just less Christopher Moore than I expected. Of course, I was a huge fan of his earlier works and I love the fact his books are aging with him as well. It was very creative and wonderful. I remember reading A Dirty Job and closing that book with a smile. Of course, his infamous endings were nothing to smile at, but just the thought of a book about something so cliched and then he put it to the test and won. Does that make sense? Sometimes I wonder if I should stop.



3. The Bell Jar by Sylvia Plath - 288

In all my years of writing I have been compared to a couple of writers that I remember: lois Lowry and Molly Harper (I was angry with this comparison). And, never, ever have I been compared to this wonderful woman. Well, I guess there's no room for comparison with her. The writing is exactly what I wanted to translate in the days I wrote poetry while having an affair with fiction. I noticed in my later years that without poetry I write less like this and I don't know if I found my style and am so swamped with envy that I forget about poetry all together. To sum it up: This book is amazing and if you like to think while you read with one-liners that are simple yet complicated, it's pretty conclusive you should read this one. Plus, trying to highlight all the little, discreet moments were the protagonist goes crazy is a fun game.

4. Anthem by Ayn Rand - 100

I had my eye on Ayn Rand for awhile. I thought she was a wonderful mind by all the talk I've read. Kyle even agreed and recommended this along with The Fountainhead. I read this one first despite his recommendation. I loved it. It was short, too short. I know it is seeded in The Fountainhead, but the whole ego theme Ms. Rand had going on was simply amazing. The collectivism she tried to convey was what I once feared in adolescence, funny to think about. It took me quite a few pages to realized what 'we' really meant. I don't know what else to say about this without giving too much away. Read it. I wish I could say more and that I loved when he found that one word, the pronoun. Bah.




5. The Physick Book of Deliverance Dane by Katherine Howe - 384

I had a lengthy review here.

I read up on the author just before finishing. She did study literature in college, so that atones for the amazing flow of the story. The plot was very well thought out - everything tied together, even to the smallest child yelling something as the protagonist walked through the town. She did so well that I am now jealous.

The research was amazing for the book. I give her credz for the amount of work she had put into this and still managed to not write it like an essay for lack of energy left OR make the history sound so boring that you think this is an assigned book for class.

6. Tiger by Laurann Dohner - 291

Haaaaaaaaaaaaaa.
There's probably nothing to say about my mental dignity.
I discovered Laurann Dohner sometime last summer while going through some ebook sight. I thought alien and human pairings would be hilarious (and they were), but I haven't been able to stop reading her. She was literally in my reading list. I've read at least ten books of her since then and I feel so ashamed and happy. She is a writer, but it gets redundant (and I do too trying to describe her to my friends). She drops emotions like a dime. But I think she taps into that raw wanting women want from men. I think that's what I got into her. She does good fantasy writing. Mental fantasy, not the genre. Because mental fantasy is just saying, "It doesn't have to make sense to make a woman happy."

7. Ral's Woman by Laurann Dohner - 103

I did only buy this one since it was free on amazon. I didn't like the woman character too much. She was so whiny and it felt like she couldn't properly express herself without acting like a hoe-bag or a child. That's the majority of Mrs Dohner's books though -- whiny women characters who can't get their pants on for more than a page to think properly through the situation they're in. I know it's a mental fantasy, but damn, there has to be more sense built in to one woman than what this books radiates. If all women thought like this, there wouldn't have been a movement toward something better. About the plot... Boring, but I think it was the first one of he Zorn Warrior Series so there's much to say there.


8. The Vampire Armand by Anne Rice - 457

This book was just fucking wonderful. Now, mind you, I don't know if she gets paid by word or page count because there were chapters that could have literally been ripped from the book and it wouldn't have made a bit of difference. One chapter was literally about profiling all the past vampires from all the other books. A fucking catalogue about vampires I never gave a shit about anyway. Queen of the Damned sucked, people, fucking sucked. Anyway. The one reason I love Anne Rice is because of the way she expresses time in prose. The prose is mature and ambiguous (to me). I love the flow, the descriptions, the emotions felt in the writing. She's a miraculous woman and whenever I read her I cannot gather myself to write one word. She makes me that jealous.I wish I could meet her. I probably wouldn't be able to utter a word.

9. Shotgun Gravy by Chuck Wendig - 109

Todd introduced me to this book on the basis I resembled the main character because my lack of physical contact in the human world. Which is fine. And her smart mouth properly. The girl can't help it. However, it was good. It was written by a man who spews out more drama than reality TV, but it was good. I liked all his characters and that's hard to come by for me. I also like some of his crude imagery for a story that was crude and filled with dark humor (my favorite color of comedy). I would actually like the other installments. And, believe it or not, the dialogue is believable. Ooh, yeah, his action scenes aren't that bad. They actually make sense, but sometimes he wants a mean character, then has them have feelings again at the last minute - that technique never works for me. Despite the drama in every sentence and the guns in everyone's face, pay the 99 cents.

10. Burning Up Flint by Laurann Dohner - 194

I believe this is the first installment to the many great-ideas-but-not-properly-executed books. Let me tell you why they're great ideas first: Altered humans with cyborg parts. Reminded me of Cyborg from Teen Titans. great idea. Sexy idea. Men were smart but she made them where they didn't talk much and usually could shut the bitch up quickly. I read Touching Ice before any of the others here and below. It was marvelous. She could have added much more, but it had more feeling than the 'I'm gonna fuck you because I've been horny for months.' Bad: 1. The technical names were awful. 2. She said there were domes on Saturn. Wtfh, bitch, do research. Saturn is a planet of gas, which makes smog, which no human life would be sustainable. Should've said mars. Watch Stephen Hawking programs.


11. Melting Iron by Laurann Dohner - 204

This is actually under Touching Ice. I loved the feeling of it and she had better imagery than what I have ever read of her. She used more than 'Came hards.' It was refreshing. Now, Iron, in other books, was a dick and she purposely made him like that, I guess, but she always pulls back to his core character in other books than this one. She has these characters in other books, but when they have one of their own, the character turns to the same man from every single one of her other books. I am so tired of reading, "You are mine." Literally. Always said in every one of her books. It would've been fine if she then didn't make the main girl so fucking annoying you wish the cyborgs wouldn't ripped off her head. Literally. She was fine then she goes batshit. I was tired of this book 100 pages in.


12. The Claiming of Sleeping Beauty by Anne Rice - 272

I got this because a woman I was working mentioned this after discussing 50 Shades of Grey (never fear, I will never read it). I bought all three but now I don't think I can finish them. I know I've already said this, but I feel as if I have to repeat it. It's so plainly humiliating. I don't know how Anne Rice thinks of any of this. She seems to get darker within each of her books through the years. This was frighteningly scary. I wonder if she did research of experienced some of this herself. There's so much spanking going on that I can't properly read from all the flashbacks to childhood. Then it's disgusting to read in the mindset of a spiteful child. Ha. It was a spin on a fairytale, like Once Upon a Time. However, I would rather watch something like this than to be submitted to watching one more minute of Once. 



13. Stealing Coal by Laurann Dohner - 222

This one came right after the Melting Iron in the Cyborg series. See, she makes Coal's appearance in Melting Iron. I was like, "That could be a good one."

Man, I just call 'em out wrong all the time.

It was awful. She focused too much on her both emotionally abused characters to really let them get to know each other. It's sad. The dialogue in this book is extremely awful and unrealistic that I just ended up scanning most of it. It was paragraphs of one character talking about their past. So. Fucking. Annoying. No one talks like that. Do not get me started on the "That was easy" button pressed in every chapter. Oh, she also takes her evil character back five notches in this one.

14. The House of Tomorrow by Peter Bognanni - 354

FUCKING FANTASTIC. The author knows how great it was, but seriously, everyone buy a copy. You guys can read a synopsis but this the epitome of good contemporary work. His description, prose, characters, realism, fantasies, ideas, and the morphing of Buckminster's ideas and the chapters were impeccable. I continue to think of this books days after I read it and still think of scenes that had interlocked to the ending. The one true thing I did not like about this book was the sister, fuck, forgot her name already. She was annoying. I don't know if Bognanni only knows girls like that, he liked one long ago as selfish and slutty. I just couldn't stand her. I was hoping some freak radiation accident would've happened at the dome and she would've melted or something. No such luck. I don't know what else to say that hasn't been said. I wish it could be made into a movie so I could see the Dome as its finish product.

15. Slade by Laurann Dohner - 324

I had an entire review for this planned but now I can't remember half of it. Oh well, here I go on the fly... This was actually okay aside from her lack of knowledge of hillbillies, I think. It's kind of insulting when some authors just assume that the raciest nuts are southerners. Which, they have a basis, yes, but over and over and over again do I hear about only people with southern drawls are going after half beast, half man. And that's what was following Trish and Slade after wrecking their vehicle. It wouldn't have been so bad if she hadn't of purposely made them stupid in some parts - oh well. What I liked about this is there are only about four sex scenes and only half of them made sense. If I was a girl, I wouldn't have sex in the woods, after a car wreck, while inbred people are after us. Hey, I just may be the needle in the haystack. Actually an okay book.

16. Female Chauvinist Pigs: Women and the Rise of Raunch Culture by Ariel Levy - 212

I will leave a moment for the reader to give their eye roll.... .... .... All better? I bought this book because, well, I fucking wanted to read it and I did. I loved the examples she uses, as constant themes, Playboy, CAKE, ex-porn stars/strippers, and, in general, pop culture. I had to agree with Ariel Levy that pop culture is the main markerting structure to young women who never experienced the introduction to the sexual market, instead the girls were born into it - this is the only thing they knew. I feel bad for young girls today, having to constantly feel in competition with other girls - that sexiness is the only power we hold. Levy brought up a great example that we put sexiness on this pedestal. We do not know the porn stars, we do not know if they even have thoughts. All the could be are robots. We romanticized this image and we want to feel that image, the want and desire from other people. But those women, who were more than likely sexually abused in their past, are paid. They are paid and remain poor for most of their lives. They do it so they don't starve, or feel their only other quality is attractiveness on screen.

17. Women by Charles Bukowski - 304

I really like this man, simply because he's so easy to read. I think readers and writers often times mistake simple as mundane. I believe when anyone, whether age or maturity can understand a book together, that's the main point of writing it. I like Charles Bukowski because a farmer can pick him up off a shelf and understand the theme, the plot, there's no guessing. I liked women because, although the protagonist uses them, the women are very strong themselves. The only thing I did not like about the book was the early pimple-popping. I had to stop reading for awhile. Now, what I also liked was the fact that although Henry Chinaski was the text-definition of protagonist, he was the antagonist to the women. In the book he knew he was shit and it wasn't until he found good ones did he care or want to give a hint of change. It's good if you want something light to read and want to be able to relate to the male side of things - which was interesting to read. You don't get that much, however, women have their point of view on sex for an entire genre called "Romance."

18. Redeeming Zorus by Laurann Dohner - 169

I have been redundant in my reviews for Dohner's books, and I apologize, but damn, this is like reading some cheap, cliched love story. She could've done well with this. Instead she took a hateful character and made him a puppy in half a page. There are no complexeties to these characters, there's hardly back story, or emotions. It was like reading something by a teenager. Everyone is just attracted to everyone and don't mind having sex because some woman took off her shirt. She even didn't make the transition of his new personality that difficult. Zorus was literally like, "Okay, I'm nice to humans now because you're unique and you're tighter than my women." I really want a sit-down with this author. Hot damn, this book sucked. I was really looking forward to it, too. It didn't even tell of the happenings with Coal from the previous book, and it even fucking mentioned it in Coal's book! I think she was made to write this, because it had nothing else going for it. Nothing happened and the girl's always get so fucking annoying. Stay away from this.

19. Taunting Krell by Laurann Dohner - 238

I'm going to admit this almost beats the Touching Ice. She actually made a story with the main girl other than being kidnapped. Well, she kind of was, but she wanted to be, I don't know -- you'd have to know the backstory. And the backstory she gave the protagonist was amazing. She stepped it up, but that's all. She made a really great scene between Krell and Cyan in the beginning, when she was forced to stay at his place, but after that, down hill. It felt like she was forcing it again, making some human girl with D-breasts fall for the guy in charge. I admit that this was actually very well done. She connected detailed, she made an awesome story, and she had a more mature feel, until the ending. She seems to always hit the romanic side of 14-year-olds everywhere. I wish I could collect her readers and make a census on age. All the older women would love the story line, all the younger ones would like sex and the stupid fucking endings. How about some blood shed? About the two get dismembered in a fight and the only way to save them would have to combine their body parts? I'd read that. Ha, it'll be full of masturbation for love scenes.

20. Kissing Steel by Laurann Dohner - 184

This book finishes my mission to finish the Cyborg Seduction. Ha! I don't know if I should actually mark that as an accomplishment. Anyway. One could tell that this was definitely an earlier work. There wasn't much happening besides jealously and waves of orgasms. I couldn't really get into it since the guy on the front cover resembles Fabio so much. Not that that's a bad thing, but it does remind me of all those jokes and corny romances I was introduced to as a young teen. Oh my, maybe I just found my root. Ha, this book was so lack-luster that I'm rambling about my psychosis with romance novels. I just wish she had a mentor or something to guide her writing. I feel that, in the later series, she wants to branch out more of the same story line of a burly man wanting a small, defenseless woman to have countless sex with. However, if she had someone, I'm willing to bet she could branch out to young adult romance - but without the guys being hung like a horse.

21. Fury by Laurann Dohner - 376

Okay, so, I had to repeat to myself that this was the first book of the New Species. First book. First book. First book. So you have the typical hot, small human girl who falls in love with a burly man who just can't seem to control his erections or his protective instincts. Great, that's just required for all her books. BUT, here's the fun part, everyone hates them. Yay! I mean, I've never read a book that had so much useless drama and countless scenes where Fury had to get furious. (Everyone catch what I did there?) I mean, if some blonde hair chick caused me that much drama I'd seriously kick her ass to those hick protestors. I think this book did me in to reading more. You know kicked my habit. I was so disappointed. I was going to immediately buy Justice because I REALLY loved his character. But, amazon had some critics like me and they said STAY THE FUCK AWAY, so I'm forcing myself to unless it becomes free. I'm not paying money to read more of this shit. Next book I'll read will be something substantial.

22. Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy by Douglas Adams - 216

 Holy shit, I loved this book. It was recommended by Jaccob and I am very thankful I finally decided to read it. See, in high school everyone was batshit about this book and, on principal, I refused to read it or watch the movie. Of course, the idea of sci-fi made my external hard drive fry, but yeah. It was so funny. Nonsensical funniness that had me put down my book to laugh. There were two sentences in the book that had me bust out twice at mere thought of reading it. I will quote now, "One of Zaphod's heads looked away. The other one looked round to see what the first one was looking at, but it wasn't looking at anything very much." Now, to get down to business, the sheer creativity had me. Even his writing style was quirky. I have to say Marvin is my favorite - he reminds me of me so much. For those who haven't read it, I demand you do so. 


23. Raine on me by Laurann Dohner - 214

Oh God, another Laurann Dohner book. I swear I need to stop. I tell myself that with the ending of each book and it never, ever fucking happens. This book was as if her mentality was stuck at 15-years-old. Seriously. As if a 40-year-old woman never learned that adults don't use contracts for sex or that adults will actually talk it out if their mentality is of their age. Now, this books is about some bitch's husband that died and left her a shitton of cash. She goes to some hick town, feels sorry for her dusty vagina, and offers some semi-Native American 20,000 grand to save his ranch IF he exchanges the ultimate sex on her. OMG GAIS, he agrees. For two months, five days a week, or six, don't care, he agrees to rock her vagina. Oh no though, they fall in lusty love without knowing if he's ultimately a serial killer of old, middle-aged blondes, but likes to sex them first. No, they fall in love over penetration and shit happens that only 15-year-olds would not talk about and use the power of ass-u-m-ption to ruin  love. 

24. The Restaurant at the End of The Universe by Douglas Adams - 255

This, if I had to choose, I think is funnier than its predecessor. A lot of shit went down too, compared to the first. He went all out to give Zaphod much needed word count, and even gave Ford and Arthur a test of their friendship. Now, what I didn't like were the last thirty or so pages. Didn't seem like they fit - they were just rushed and bah, didn't like them. However, the actual restaurant part of the book was amazing. I loved his ideas for it and I loved his whole theme to it. Ack, makes me jealous of his ideas and sheer creativity for all things outer spacey. Even within the book he focused more on the Zaphod having two heads deal and it made me a happy little girl. Uh, excuse me, young woman. Trillian did not have many words dedicated to her, and neither did Arthur for the overall analysis. However, a lot more places and landmarks were used in this book to make up for the lack of Homo sapiens running around and talking.

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