My Hands Smell Like Penis

So, Jaccob and I were having pillow talk and we started discussing disfigurements with people and how you can't stare, no matter how intringing because it's just considered rude. But, all you want to do is ask questions and touch it and such.
Well, I mentioned this one man I saw while working. He was very tan, tall, and had on a typical, single-male attire, atop with a hat. What wasn't normal were the little knots under his skin, all over him, head-to-toe, like alien armor. Then Jaccob made the, "Ewwwwwww," sound.
"I know. What if they were on the bottom of his feet, inside his mouth? What if they were little tumots?"
"Or," Jaccob retorted, "they're all little bubbles that you can pop with a pin or something. Like a blister and all the puss comes out."
"Ew, shut up!"
"What if they're all over the bottom of his feet and he leaves a trail of slime behind him as he walks away."
"Seriously, Jaccob, this is making me nauseous."
"What if they're in his ass and when he wipes he pops a few and has to stay on the toilet..."
"Jaccob, this is fucking sick, stop."
"What if they're all over his penis and when he masturbates he uses them as self-lubricate."
I twisted his nipple.
"Fine," he said as he chuckled. "I'll stop."
There was a pause, then I began laughing. "Self-lubricate."

It's been a blur since the last entry.
The puppy, River, is growing like a fucking weed.
Work is just work.
Jaccob and I have been so busy going to my mom's, Glasgow, and work that we really don't have time for each other.
Oh, what happened in Glasgow...

Jaccob and I went to to a party at his brother's. Without asking, Jaccob told me he'd be the DD that time so I could actually drink. I'm not a big drinker and only rarely do it, so I never mind being the DD. Well, I let myself get a tad tipsy.
I knew I was drunk when I stopped at the front door, looking across their spacious floorplan of the living/dining room along with a kitchen, to their backdoor. And the people coming in would look around the empty house and then catch my eye behind the front screen door. They would pause, realize I'm not breaking my eye contact, and awkwardly walk away.
Three people did this with me and only one laughed -- he already knew me anyway, so I don't know if I should count him (not Jaccob).

Saw my puppy vomit today in slow action. It was beige, green sludge and it slid right onto my sister's arm and leg. She was pissed, but I was definitely laughing on the side. She was not happy with me, because, apparently, dogs get car sick to my "crazy driving."

Two young girls, at a local park, decided it was a good idea to put a friend in a box, with sticks for arms, and small eye holes to walk around and not have a reason for doing so. Young whippersnappers.

This 23-year-old isn't young and wants to go to bed.

PSST, check out River's Blog.

Stinking

I asked Jaccob what would be his one Celebrity fuck. I was honest-to-God curious. He said, "Only one?" in a whiny voice. Then he narrowed it down to two, which were Emma Watson and Emma Stone.
I told him, "Wow, we have different opinions."
"How?"
"I'm going for older, like Frank Sinatra. Or, uh, George Orwell." Then I stopped and bit my lip, "Could you imagine him just reading his drafts to you? Oh God, Sinatra would be wonderful in bed. He could sing to you afterward."
Then I realized, one, that I am turning to a freaky girl. And, two, that I couldn't narrow to one either. I just want what I want.

I am so happy right now. Don't ask me why. No, it's not drugs due to popular belief. I am just naturally full of dopamine and serotonin.
Should I list the little things in life that make it good?
1. My target dog came in from a couple of posts ago. It's so fucking adorable and the sweater is detachable.
2. Hung out with Amanda today and we had cookies. Always a good day with cookies. Which reminds me...
3. Got to eat cookies. Soft and moist cookies of different flavors.
4. My hair is super soft this fine evening.
5. I was actually enjoying The Voice tonight. Which is very fucking surprising.
6. Finally remembered to buy some cream cheese for my crackers. A FEAST OF A SNACK IS TOMORROW.

Knitting on Friday with Becky and Fallon was great. Becky brought her baby which wouldn't let go of a skein of yarn I had. She put her small fingers in it and even hugged it while rubbing her face against it, laughing. So, I'm going to knit her a gothic lace baby blanket.
Wish me luck.

So a couple of funny things have happened.
In Hobby Lobby today with Amanda, I spotted metal decorations. Within the aisle I spotted an outline of a keyblade. Of course it wasn't frantically nodding toward Kingdom Hearts. But it is almost like the silver version of Mickey's pimpin' golden keyblade.
In an alternate reality version of the game, the "Zora" character would've pawned the fucking thing or sold the gold to make a few hundreds to spend on paupo fruit. Lick each one and put it on Kairi's doorstep. So when she goes to eat one and thinks of Riku, she'll inadvertently fall for "Zora" because his DNA was slobbered on there. I wonder if Riku would have then been the protagonist instead of the antagonistic.

I was watching a train. Clearly written graffiti on the side read, "I fucking hate Mormons."
Man, did they want that known or what?

Ever since I've moved out, I miss my animals dearly. My lord, every time I see Molly or Princess I want to cry. Now, the new one, Muffy, we're still learning each other so there's always apprehension. Even from a cat. Which is a different feeling from a human. It's more of a, "WHY CAN'T THIS BEAST SENSE HOW MUCH OF A GREAT PERSON I AM?!"
She loves our hamper though, she moves the small, wiry thing with her paws into the kitchen, near the box she likes to chill in.

Alan's birthday was Monday. He turned 03. Wait, that joke doesn't until next year. Silly me. He's thirty years young and looks only twenty-nine. Good job, man! When you hit seventy, looking sixty-nine will bring in all the ladies. You need to find John from The Green Mile. Brought long-lasting and well-received life into a couple of mammals. Cured all aliments. Maybe he could cure your smart-ass mouth. It's getting bad, man.

So, Jaccob is all about hating symbolism because a person can look too far in it. Yet, I try to explain that that's the point of art. Draw anything you want. Look at the Bible.
But I was just thinking that John, from The Green Mile, represented the Fountain of Youth and what society would eventually do: drain it of its power, whether through corruption or overuse. And please don't bring that stupid, piece of shit vampire movie that sucked ass.

T-TH-THAT'S ALL, FOLKS.

Up in Knots

Todd knows what my title is in reference to.

Okay, so what if I'm not blogging like I have no life anymore. Todd said that I'm making facebook my new blogger. Go to hell. That would never happen. Only this place gets the funniest, raunchiest stories ever.

She's got you high and you don't even know....
I have my headphones on while Jaccob plays that Odyssey game.  This game is stupid.
Aw, Kaim was poisoned in battle. He has a green orb of light emanating from his head like some cool outer shell of hair.

This is fucking awesome....
Yeah, I'm listening to Thrift Shop.

The other day Jaccob and I went to the mall. While he went in the game shop, I walked into the nearest clothing store that is reputably known for having "men's style numbers" for pant size. Ladies, we all know what I'm talking about. Anyway.
I was talking to the sales associate who just finished this really mean older lady with her nose-picking kid. She turned around, tried to help me by asking what size I wore. I told her "thirty-three by thirty-three." (That's right, I'm being the strong woman here.)
She stopped, looked back up at me from the pants and said, "Wow, I'd never think you'd be that big! Nothing over a...." She hesitated, looking at the surprise in my eyebrows I guess and finished with, "a thirty." While quickly going back to looking at the sizes.
She was a skinny, tan, pink-nailed blonde. She was nice, just no prelude to her mouth.

So, I was tinkering in the kitchen when Jaccob needed some hot water for something or another. Well, I'm tinkering and he's running the water. And running the water. And running the water. I look over and he's all knitted-brow staring at the facet.
I smiled and asked, "So, what'cha doing?"
He replied, "The water isn't turning hot."
I looked and he had it up and right. The exact and perfect way to get cold water. I told him so. He tried to act as if he knew.

My cousin dropped his iPhone 4S in a bucket of his own vomit.
That almost beats the time when he dropped it in the full Port-a-Potty.

Honesty is the best policy, Folks. Very sweet of Fallon to think of me in such light. Amen.

I asked Jaccob before we left if I should try with my hair. He said no, that it looked fine. Yeah, Todd, Malachai, and May all had something along the lines of asking me, "What's wrong with your hair?"

True story.

It's okay to squee. I do.

I have to fold three loads of clothes. I know, stop being jealous.

Also, my tongue does that painful itch that you can't stop scraping with your tongue. It's slowly driving me crazy.

Been watching Freaks and Geeks. I'm in love.

Hey, no, babe, what you wanna do? I think I could stay with you....

Name that song and I'm out.

My Boyfriend is Gay

He is. See, I took a bubble bath. A sweet, sensual, naked, frothy, steamy bubble bath. My skin pinkened, my hair got wet on the tips, and the bubbles just could not cover my lady parts. I even left the bathroom door unlocked for Jaccob to see, to talk to me. For the sixteen minutes I blew at bubbles, made shapes, and felt the little air pockets roll across my skin, Jaccob did not, not even once, come see me in the bathtub. I walked out, told him this, then said he liked men.

I did the whole set up. A porn director could do no better (of course I'm sure that the porn director would have another guy and a dildo lurking somewhere in that water).

He redeemed himself later, but, damn. He's that one fish that doesn't take the bait.

However, the point of all that is not my title's subject, it is that bubble baths, airborne, are absolutely fucking amazing. I completely loved the feel of a thick layer of bubbles moving between my sliding hands. I cannot think of another relaxing moment.

Trivia for this story: It was the last of Japanese Cherry Blossom Bubble Bath that was Jaccob's. I don't own bubble bath soap.

May gave me this and said, "It's a rock... That looks different. Just like when I drew daddy the turtle that looked different."

'Nuff said.

She never followed through with the rabbit.

Jaccob - Take the top cover off because I don't want to be too hot.

Me - Or collllld.

Jaccob - Yes. Because if you have the two....

Me - We get it. You're the Goldie Locks of temperature.

School is going okay. My first week was very stressful. Mostly in the unprepared sense. I just cannot get my shit together. I just don't have the stamina or drive. I wonder where I could find some... Probably in the sweat and tears of the honor's dorm. Those kids know how to be quiet and study. DON'T WORRY. I'm doing better. Just did my agenda for the next week and have some of the studying finished. 

I'm drunk right now, so I shouldn't really study.

I should be writing my story. It's hard to concentrate anymore.

I guess this is ta-ta for now, folks. Have fun in all your life's endeavors. 

You Virus'd Me Up

That's what Jaccob just said to me.
This blog post has a new locale, ladies and germs.
I am at Jaccob's house while he's lazily on his phone. He looks completely bored. Know what he's reading on his phone? My blog.

Me - I'm updating my blog at your house.
Jaccob - Aww, you forgot your hat.
Me - *looks over and grabs his black knitted one* That's okay, I have this one. I'll just stretch it over my big head.
Jaccob - *in a sincere whiny voice* Noooo, don't do thaaat.
Me - That was a believable concern?

At work today, during Jaccob's and Todd's lunch, and my thirty minute break...
Jaccob - There should be a certain length on blog posts so I don't have to read nine pages of someone's blog.
Todd - Don't read it then.
Jaccob - I don't, but, still, there should be.
Todd - I don't want one so short where I accidentally read it before I can stop.

We got a new cat! "Muffy is the name, struttin' is my game." She's cool, but bipolar and really doesn't like Molly, my dog. 

Jaccob and I, the other, other night, went to Starbucks. While I was reading, I looked up and saw this. Then Cody, a co-worker of ours, sees us and challenges Jaccob to make him a dog. Jaccob took the opportunity and used it to his advantage. 

"Ruff, ruff..."

I will not try and make a Mine Craft joke, I will not make a Mine Craft joke...

Or a Baha Men joke either...

Good, I succeeded.

And the last thing before I go and try to talk Jaccob in to playing Rummy with me....

Jaccob and I were in the kitchen eating his very tasty nacho dip when he invited his brother to eat some. Brother stands in front of me beside the stove to get some. Jaccob came over and swatted at my left boob. I started really laughing while Jaccob looked satisfied and WHILST Jordan began looking very awkward.

I then pointed at Jordan and asked Jaccob, "You know he can see in his peripherals, don't you?"

Jordan then walks away to the other side of the kitchen.

I'm still laughing.

Jaccob disappears.

Brother then begins rambling about nonsense really and then lastly says, "Yeah, I'm trying to lessen the awkwardness but it's not working."

I then decided to walk away, still laughing.

Tha-tha-tha-thaaat's allll, Folks!

AWKWAARDDD

A lot has happened since my last post. Funny thing is I can't even remember my last post. Oh yeah, gifts and hats. Well, now it's more gifts.

I went to Fishey Business to get Micheru a gift for Christmas because she has this fetish over fish. She just gets this calm look over her face and her eyes roll back in her head every time. It's odd and no one mentions it because it's so odd. I would hate to see what she does in front of her three fish tanks.
But, they had two Aussie pups for sale and they had their parents running around the store. The woman dog was carrying around a tennis ball. I got to play catch with her. I did for like ten minutes, it was fun.
Then I went to pick up Micheru from campus and we went together to get decor for her fish tanks mostly because I didn't know how big her tanks were and what she likes to see at the bottom of her said tanks.
I try not to judge in these situations.
We did find a little decoration with a clown fish looking very sad in its anemone.
(Don't judge me that I know that because of Finding Nemo.)
Then she drove me on over to Crafty Hands where she bought me the knitting needles that I loved of hers.
It was a good day.
Micheru never bought a Christmas gift in front of the receiver of gift. So, glad to take your cherry on that one, Micheru.
She called it, "The most awkward Christmas exchange."

What's awkward is that fact I thought a jellyfish decoration was, in fact, a jelly fish.
Neither Micheru nor I pointed out how sad that was.

That Water Dog is amazing. And if you've read my story Opal's Transformation, then that's almost what the water creatures look like. I made up a Water Dog. They never existed until I made them up. 

The second picture.... The poor soul isn't dead, just asleep. IT'S FUCKING CUTE.

We never take anything seriously.

I got airborne and was looking through my phone while cuddling with Jaccob.

We're looking and I read that spiders was the most common fear and that he had it.

Jaccob - Uh, it's snakes and mice that I'm afraid of.

Me - Oh yeah! *continues scrolling* You know what though? *clicks out and go to safari.*

Jaccob - Heather, I'm not scared of pictures.

Should've seen how sad I got.

One more final to go and it's Japanese.

THEN I'M FINISHED FOR FIVE WEEKS.

Can everyone count to five on their fingers?

I always start with three.

Get it?

The Goonies

I'm wearing your shirt as I make this post, Jaccob. [I was, but now I'm wearing your thinking cap.]

So, Jaccob has decided to make himself more of a man by asserting himself oddly. Here's an example:
Jaccob needed the pizza in the oven before we had sex. I told him sure, and I get out of "cuddle" mode to go turn on the stove to warm up. Then I realized I didn't know how to work his stove.
This little bitch then says, "Really? You're so retarded."
I push him back on the bed saying I'll figure it out then, by myself.
He won't take no as an answer. I keep pushing him away from his bedroom door. and he tries to do some wrestling move. I still get my body on the door to stop him.
I don't know how he did it, guys, but I somehow ended on the floor which was the worst move yet.
He grabbed my arms, while getting the door open. I was half sitting and laying down. The bastard drugged me out of the bedroom. And with my free grip I tried from his bedroom door casing and his brothers. Jaccob somehow got me to let go and he grabbed my legs and started to drag me across the living room.
We interrupted his brother doing his pushups. I yelled at Jaccob to go join him.
Then we entered the kitchen where he helped me up. It took me two tries to get up.
I WAS NOT EMBARRASSED. Just plotting my revenge.

Todd and I were talking about trust, and I said something about unreliable people in the past. He said, "Your trust muscle is atrophied."
High-five.

So, my sister and I went to the Great Russian Nutcracker last Wednesday. Amazing it was. Well amazing when there was actually a Russian Ballerina. The set was amazing. Some of the sets had Russian on the screen. Small things, people, small things in life.
The guy behind me and Amanda was ancient. I think so ancient that he couldn't control his flatulence. Through the first act I kept thinking it was the guy beside me. He probably thought it was me because when he came back from the break, he sat on the other side of his daughter.
I only knew it was the old man because he left and the smell dissipated. He came back and I had to verify with Amanda that it just wasn't me smelling someone's asshole.

So Jaccob and I got airborne sometime late last week. Well, we're sitting outside and I mention if he think it's cool that a mighty oak comes from one single seed. He said he wasn't. I then asked why.
He said because we came from one cell.
Think about it, thanks to cellular division we are here. That we grew and grew, expanding our limps and maturing our looks. I explained that to him and he replied, "Shut up, you're starting to freak me out."
Ha.
Then he mentioned a fun fact with sperm. That the last sperm, the lazy one, makes it in because all the other ones broke down the shell and left a pathway.
I then said, "What do you think an egg has? Layers of traps? Like it's like some fucking pyramid in egypt with its layers of traps?"

I met up with Micheru to go to a poetry reading on Thursday night.
She surprised me with a gift:

It's the pillow pet pig!

I purposely put Princess in the picture because they're both so adorable! He's looking at my snapping fingers again....

THANK YOU, MICHERU. I seriously appreciate it. It's very thoughtful.

My sister gave me her Christmas gift early.

IT'S. A. FUCKING. DOCTOR. WHO. MUG.

When there's hot liquid inside, the Tardis disappears and appears on the other side, with all the space decorations. It amazes the shit out of me.

I was trying to be badass so I could text Jaccob that I was him and being all kinds of punk with my Kingdom Hearts tee on. It failed.

I can't stop laughing every time I look at this photo.

That's also the thinking cap I referred to at the beginning of this post.

Saw a guy at Dairy Queen the other day actually take a picture of his blizzard turned upside down.

...

Everyone remember that commercial?

That's all I have, folks.

It's disappointing and a little aggravating.

Hey, finals end soon and then I'll have shittier things to talk about.

Like how I want to paint my toenails the most awful shade of nail polish I can find.

I'll make sure to make an entire post dedicated to my decision making....

"Then there was this green that looked like the exact color of my shit after I eat a bowl of Trix cereal."

I Ain't Worried About It

For the past almost-week nothing has happened.
And I mean nothing.
I've had sex, worked, and just pretended to study.
I really have nothing exciting in my life, not even by the social definition.
So, by popular demand, I'm going to make an entry with some funny stuff recently, if I can even remember it.

Jaccob and I tried to have sex in my driveway, in his car, with my family watching TV in my house. So, I'm on bottom and we're going at it. One can hear the trunk door clapping (I like to think) and the car "a rocking" (as the kids call it).
Then he sees headlights. I ask what because he stops and is smiling while looking outside the back window. He says, "There's a car stopped in the middle of the street." It's not a street, guys. I live on a highway between two small cities. The speed limit is 55, but 65 to a native.
"What?"
"Yeah, it's just stopped there."
After a couple of seconds, the car then pulls into a driveway. We try again, but I can still see the headlights and I crane my head upward to look and the headlights are shining directly into the car. I sigh, look up at him and say, "Nope, this isn't going to happen for me."
He agrees that it wasn't for him either. "But," he says, "We can keep going for exercise, if you want."
I consider this until the car was slowly pulling out then I just shake my head.
We decided to stop, but this is a shout out to that car. To be direct: FUCK YOU, STOPPED CAR.
And, yes, don't worry ladies because we both did the Titanic joke with the hand on a fogged window.

I came home from Todd's and I'm just sitting here doing an assignment (pre-blogging, don'cha know). Then my mom comes up on my doorway, making small talk. This woman is stalling, I know this. She asks me how my day went.
I say, "It wen...."
I stop because this happened:

And then immediately did this: HHHHHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH.

My sister is behind that. She paid 40 bucks for that and I say MONEY WELL SPENT. That's fucking hilarious. If I had extra cash, it would be going toward the Cartman rendition.

In lab today, Haley and I were getting bored of the lecture. So she decided to make a Haiku about her life. This is it, guys:

"That's me everyday," Haley said.

Before she made the announcement about the Haiku, I thought she said IQ. I asked what the highest score could be, then I mimicked a person in my group saying, "Well, I don't Heather, why don't you take it so we can know."

Then Andy stepped in and said, "For the lowest."

I pointed to my heart and said, "Ouch."

In math class today there was only me and this guy in there. I spark up conversation with him because I'm fucking bored. I ask what he's majoring in and he replied, "Geology."
Now, he seems pretty stoic talking to me, so I say, "So, do you ever go to Lost River Cave to get a hard-on for all the rocks?"
He doesn't even falter when he replies, "No, I'm not big into caves. I like making things in labs, and sites."
I pause after he finishes and say, "You didn't even flinch when I said that. No smile or anything. Just straight-lined it."
Then he smiled and let out a small, but genuine chuckle.

I was in the kitchen studying the other day while my sister played Skyrim in the next room. We're talking about how we like our friends, but sometimes we want a break. And she says, "I have video game friends, Heather. They're virtual. If I don't want them to talk, I'll turn off my game. And when I turn it back on, they'll be waiting for me."
She's serious.

But that's all I got. I've been trying to think of other things.
Whatever, I play.
I genuinely don't give a shit.
Hope you all have a blessed day.

The Arena of Losers

So, I'm in the kitchen and I began to play You Took The Words Right Out of My Mouth by Meatloaf. My sister was all, "Shut it off! You have headphones! That song sounds completely gay!"
(I used all those exclamation points to make her seem gay.)
So, I finally go get my headphones because she won't shut up about it.
A little while later, as she's leaving, I hear her lowly sing, "You took the words right out of my mouth...."
I stopped, turned around and said, "OOOOOOOOOOOH!"
Then me and my mother began singing it.

Yesterday I had some advice for guys that I inadvertently said to Fallon:
Fallon - So I was thinking of Christmas presents the other day.
Me - And?
Fallon - I miss when my husband used to write poems for me.
Me - I just wish he'd more corny. I hate admitting that. Because if he fucks you then he should put out emotionally.
Fallon - Lol.
Me - I know I'm right. And although some girls put up a rough front, they love a little emotion. I'll admit that's why I love yaoi.
Guys, heed my advice. I'm always right. Jaccob will agree, won't you, HONEY BEAR?

I should be studying for biology but I can't figure out how. Sad.

I am now listening to some old school Big Bang.

I was over at Todd's and said something about not going to class tomorrow because of how tired and behind I am in certain places. He said he could write me a note. I said, "Oh, please, daddy?!"
Below is what ensued:

Sadly, I had to leave shortly thereafter and I received an e-mail from Todd saying:

Let me start by saying Jake is fast asleep.  Below is his note.

Dearest Supervisor or "Boss,"

My dear son cannot report to duty on November 8th in the Year of our Lord, 2012.  Many factors play into his inability or preform menial labor for subservient wages.

First, he's as close to having a venereal disease as possible without actually having one.  his new girl has been riding him hard of late, bruising and chaffing him to vicious degrees.

Secondly, there is a certain dildosity to the team which he cannot always tolerate.

Thirdly, he has been grief stricken by the current state of political unrest aka the election.

Surely you can understand that this vile combination of raw dogs, dildos, and failed political dreams could ravage anyone's drive to work.

God bless!
Daddy

High-five, Todd, high-five.

Waiting for 日本語のクラス we were all discussing Minecraft. Then I said I could build houses for hours on SIMS. Someone said something about Woohoo on SIMS.
This dude spoke up with he never played SIMS enough to know about that.
Me - You've never had sex on SIMS?
Dude - No. I think I played SIMS 1 and burned my waffles. Then I got pissed. I just went to my neighbors, pissed them off and then excommunicated myself from the community because I burned my waffles. If I hadn't of burned my waffles then I would probably be playing it right now.

Today the wonderful Fallon helped me with my math. I LOVE YOU FOR IT. And all the while she was using her phone as a calculator. Suddenly this random song lowly played in the background. She then stops speaking in the middle of her sentence and checking all her pockets. She starts to panic and then checks her jacket pockets. She then says, "Okay, give me a minute, I need to find my phone."
I give her a confused look and then slowly scoot up her phone clearly on the table to her. "You mean this, right here?"
She stops and does "headdesk."

SCIENCE DID THIS ON A LEAF.

AWESOME ANONYMOUS DID THIS AT WORK.

DUN DUN DUNNNNNN.

I Am Exhausted

I would like to start from today so I can put all I remember in order... Well, backwards order.
Jaccob invited me over, despite the football game being on. Dolphins versus... Wow, some team in blue - I can't even remember their name. I studied a bit for my Japanese vocabulary test. Then the game went off. Finally thinking we had alone time, another game came on Steelers VS NY Giants.
I was internally cursing.
I wanted alone time with him.
So, I just started distracting him with kissing his neck, touching places, and pressing my body against his. Of course, he eventually caved. But we agreed if we were going to have sex, that he could turn his head and watch it whenever he wanted.
Guys, he did.
While having sex, he was watching and yelled, "TOUCH DOWN."

Then we went to Haven with Scotty, Alan, and their friends. One girl brought Cards Against Humanity. Hilarious fucking game. I want to own that game.
Christmas ideas.
Jaccob won of course. He told me I was going to hear about it all the way home.
So I did my mocking voice, "Oh, honey, do you remember when I won that game?"
A guy liked my comment because I'M FUCKING HILARIOUS.

The other night I came over and Jaccob and I were making out.
Then he started to strip me. I said, "Hold on, who said I was ready?"
He scoffed, "Whatever, I cough and you're ready."
. . .
I can't help it, Jaccob.

On Halloween night Jaccob and I got airborne (thanks to Todd for this word).
We were standing outside his window after climbing out of it for the hell of it. He said something about his room being the Love Room. Then I thought of how one might say that in Japanese.
"Ai no... What's room? Geez, would it be lovely room?"
So, when we eventually went back inside I got on google translate. It said, "愛の部屋."
I stared blankly then said, "Ai no... whatever that is."

On Halloween there was also confusion about someone not having on a condom and the other person not knowing until they stopped to put it on in the first place.
Bam.

Jaccob tried to match our noises to a song from The Lion King.
No, not Hakuna Matata, but The Lion Sleeps Tonight.

I like interrupting makeout sessions with, "Jaccob, what do you like most about me?"
He would laugh.
And I would stop again with, "I'm serious."
Every girl is now nodding and smiling.

IN OTHER NEWS....
I'm tired of Bananas being the more fragile fruit. I put it in my backpack; it gets slightly bumped and the whole fucking banana is bruised. Never met something with such an iron deficiency.
If I want that shit in my locker at work the peel is a soggy brown four hours later on lunch. Fucking metal. Fucking banana.

Saw Wreck-it Ralph! Was awesome.

I am now officially pooped out.
Ha, pooped.

Red Eyes

Todd has this annoying fucking halloween door decoration. It's a skeleton and it blinks its eyes with a loud screech. I hate that fucking door.
So, before I left Todd's to go pick up my sister, Jaccob and I were making out in his backseat. We were horizon style in the back, with our feet sticking out -- the door won't shut because of them. Well, it was getting heavy and in the background I hear, "EEEEEEEEEEEE!"
And I lift and say, "I heard Todd's door."
"No way," Jaccob said.
I look up and there was the door, with the lights blinking at me as a warning.
I laughed and then said, "His door went off."
We both laugh and then decide it's time for me to go.
Oh, that's right, I was on top because I'm the masculine energy.

I was at Todd's Saturday and he put a plastic bag just over his head and said, "I'm a warning."

My allergies are fucking killing me. My throat is sore. Not my larynx, just the between space from the air pipe in my nose to the beginning of my tonsils... And that's it.
Fuck Princess.
No, I'm kidding, that cat is my different-species son.

Listening to the Chicago soundtrack.

FUCK THESE ALLERGIES.

That's it, actually. 

I have homework to do so I can clean tomorrow and make a nice, neat home for Jaccob to eat in.

I'm kidding.

Some guys just can't handle their arsenic in dirty houses.

If you guys get that quote then I'm glad we know each other.

Festival

Went to the Arts Fall Festival on very short notice. It was right under my last class so it's all good.
Got a free fucking t-shirt.
Got some apple cider which tasted like I was drinking apple fucking pie.
Got to watch Micheru have a relationship with her caramel apple with chocolate chips.
Got a "free" pumpkin which I had to lug down the fucking hill. My arms were killing me. Could hardly lift a toothbrush to my face afterward. True story. Going to carve the shit out of it.
Don't know what I'm going to put on it. And I'm open to suggestions. Oh, and no penis, vagina, boobs, feet, starships, or anime suggestions - if I'm already thinking of them, that means it's not good.
Yeah, Fallon was there and I was going to give her a ride to Barnes and Noble. I asked how she saw me from the bridge thing up top. She said, "Well, first your hair, then your button-up. Then I looked to see who was calling me and it was you. Yeahhhhhh...."
BUTTON-UPS ARE COOL. Stop being jealous of the numerous ones I own.
Oh, and that shirt that guy is wearing is the free shirt I received.

In Japanese class today, my sensei put down her things and said, "I'll be right back, have something in my office to get..."
And as she was walking out, I yelled, "YOU HAVE TWO SECONDS."
The whole class just stopped and a weight began to descend. I didn't realize what I had said until she did this knowing smile and nodded at me.
I was the first one called on today for verbal exercises.
YES I APOLOGIZED after class, butttttt she just said no big deal. Hell yeah.

Today, I had to work alongside this poor boy at work. He asked me if it was true that if it's summer here, if it was winter in China.
....
I then explained that that was wrong and that the whole earth is nearer to the sun, not just one part. I then asked if maybe he got the night and day thing mixed up. He said he already kneeeew that. This boy is 18-years-old and in college.

Jaccob and I watched Ichi the Killer today.
The only part out of the entire fucking masochist of a movie to get him were the nipples.
Just that.
I don't know whether to be impressed or worried.
Baked and brought him muffins for breakfast this morning. Ha, two people who never asked for one grabbed one.
Next time we'll hide the extras.

And that's it.
I just wanted to blog about the festival before Fallon.
BOOM.

Crawdaddies

Bio Lab was a good Bio Lab.
We got to man-handle some crustaceans (see title). Although I never did touch one because every time I had the chance, it was submerged in some liquid so we can see the respiration patterns. Anyway.
Andy (the submarine guy) was talking to the group and he said something about a secret:
Andy - I would tell you guys what it looked like but I would have to kill you.
Me - Go ahead and we'll battle royale it out.
Andy - That's funny.
Me - I have a lot of glassware around me. *points to beakers* I'll even take this thing *points to biuret* and stab you with it.
Andy - I'll take the base and hit you with it.
Me - I'll stick a crawdaddy in your mouth to choke you to death.
Andy - I'll just stick it down your pants so you'll have crabs.
All five of us stopped and looked at him.

Japanese class is awesome.
Last Japanese class Megan called me a "baka."
So, on the back of an index card, I wrote, "Baka na hito [バカな人]," (stupid person) with an arrow pointing to her. She never knew about it.

This Japanese class, my sensei was asking us random questions blah blah blah.
So, she was asking the class, "hanbaagaa o tabemasu ka?" (Do you eat hamburgers?)
Most of the class replied, "Iie, tabemasen." (No, I don't.)
As she shifted the picture she mumbled, "Wow, I thought Americans loved hamburgers."

And, I forgot about how I drew facial hair on all my characters:

Every time someone looked over they made a comment.
I wanted to draw Godzilla in the background, but I figured that wouldn't blow over well with my sensei. I wanted a building and everything in its mouth. Maybe have a giant moth alongside it, with sound waves breaking windows and causing "Takeshi-san's" eyes to pop. But I digress...
But you guys have to admit that Godzilla in "Mearii-san's" little bubble is sporting that curly-q.

You guys are my baka na hito.
Just so we're all clear on the thin ice we all stand on.

I Am The Mastermind

Today is one fucking amazing day.
Glorious.
If Mozart had the chance, he would've wrote Hallelujah for me.
But that's all I'll say.

Still owed Jaccob money. Totally paid him back at Ruby Tuesday's where he ate seven of those fucking glorious bread things that had a taste of honey and cheddar. Surprisingly nice. And where he also "swept" half of each on the fucking carpet. Poor waiter. I tipped him well.
Oh, Jaccob also lost a bet.
He was complaining about the ketchup, how it was too sweet.
I told him it was just Heinz, that it was all in his head.
He didn't believe. I went fucking proactive and asked the waiter.
I won.
Fuck you, Jaccob.

I finished his gloves which he didn't wear in the "shivering" weather.
I was going to post your picture, Jaccob, but it's too far in our text history. So, it'll be my hands again:

Aren't they cool as shit?!

First pair of "finger" gloves I've ever done. So, if they truly suck in the end, this is my apology.

He resent me the picture.

AND THEN.

THE WORLD INTENSELY WATCHED ON THE EDGE OF THEIR FUCKING SEATS WHILE BECKY FINISHED HER HAT. THEY CRINGED, THEY CRIED, THEY DAMN WELL NEAR SHIT THEMSELVES AS SHE POSED WITH THE FINISHED PRODUCT. ALL APPLAUDED AT HER SUCCESS.

It is fucking fantastic for a many-step pattern and your first hat! My darling student is about graduated. I will never let you go. Probably chain you. If you try to leave, I'll stab you with a fucking knitting needle. Those things are legit.

To even up the debt Jaccob had after Ruby's, he bought me a VENTI frapp.

With this name:

Now I owe him one. He said the only reason he bought Venti was for the guy to yell it out. (Which he didn't, boo ya.)

And this is a formal apology because I felt I didn't pay enough attention to Micheru and Megan. There were six of us and it was hard to converse. 

Official blog material, Becky.

And, while all six of us were at the table, Becky sent us something perverted.

It was a text penis with an emote hand in the middle. There was shooting cum at the end and a wink face (like it got hit in the eye) at the end.

Jaccob was giving tips how to make the hand look like it was moving up and down.

That one's a keeper.

I have to go now. Maybe I'll expand on this when I PROMISE TO POST MY BLOG DEDICATED TO THE WORD FUCK.

I have six and a half hours before I have get up and work in the morning.

Then LOUISVILLE. Very excited.

Told Marina I was going there.

She stopped all conversation and said, "Hold up, bitch. You're comin' on my turf and didn't fucking tell me?"

"Well, I wasn't going to be able to see you and I figured it would be a slap in the face... Like it is now."

"Bitch."

I miss her dearly.

Harshing on Vampires

Went to Todd's last night.
His son hit me in the face with a ball on purpose.
My face was literally :O!!!
I don't know what else to say other than if I could time travel....

So, Jaccob kept playfully pushing May, Todd's toddler daughter, backwards. She was trying to kick, but Jaccob kept defense blocking. All of the sudden she yells, "HEY, MAN, WHAT'S YOUR PROBLEM?!"
Don't know where she learned it.

So, Jaccob and I picked up some glorious coloring sheets at Kroger today when I bought him some lunch because I was a stubborn bitch last night with Papa Johns. (That's a different story. I just look stupid. Shut up.) He decided that this little caricature of a man being Dracula was going to be harshed up for me. I decided to do that same because I'm unoriginal.

That is what happened. Took me forever to find these markers. I know I have crayons and coloring pencils somewhere but they hid from me. I got so into coloring that I accidentally colored one of his fangs. The other has a blood-tip.
And those are stains on his shirt from being a messy eater.
I also added ear hair because that'll be future Jaccob.
I also put the setting at a Single's Bar because that's where Jaccob will be down the road.
I put everyone's to shame.
And I put my vampire green because Meyer's vampire's can fucking sparkle.
Fuck you.

Jaccob and I also had a special conversation. Because he's special.
I mentioned my dress.
He asked why wasn't it on my blog.
He finally saw the lock screen on my phone and asked why it wasn't on my blog.
Then he said he never recalls laughing at my blog since all I put here is funny stuff.
I call your bluff.

I'll only give him credz for this:

I'm the blue.

When we left Kroger, I finally got to take a picture of trunks with those little arms sticking out. I tag them whenever I see them. The little things, right?

I wish that was Jaccob's hand.
Oh, sorry.
It's my evil side talking.
Who the hell am I trying to convince?
That's just me.
Fuck you guys lata.

ps - Saturday rolls ever closer.

pss - This is for Micheru:
ス‐クールさん - ミチェルさん、 うちでおちゃをのみませんか。
ミチェルちゃん - すみません、ちょとお。。。
Ha, I'm still laughing.　ス‐クールさん's face....

Digital Digital Get Down

This blog features mostly internet/text-related material. Reader Discretion is Advised.

So, Scotty did a group text with me, Jaccob, Alan, and some number I'm assuming is a girl named Christina. The group text included a picture of some tape dispenser shaped like an orange man on a toilet, looking happy as shit, ha.
I replied within the group text:
Me - I look that happy on the toilet.
Jaccob - Shut up, no one cares.
Me - Don't be jealous of my fiber content.
Alan - Lol, you and Jake both did [text in the group MMS]. Scotty sends me a mms and then I get one from Jake and 2 from you all while trying to bring up the picture.
Jaccob - Took you long enough. How long did it take you to think of that?
Scotty - I missed something, a picture maybe? Oh nvm I get it now. Yes, Jake you did.
Me - .3 miles. You're just jealous.
Random # - Who's this?

The first post-it (to the left) was left randomly in my desk by none other than Todd. I posted it on my little board. The next day, he added to the theme with another post-it in my desk.

I decided that he's my sponsor for eating my own dried mucus. 

A woman from work, Bernie, stuck this to my arm with a wink. I kept it in a better place. Right near my heart.

This was in our fucking workbook for Japanese class. I said that the guy running up to the girl was yelling, "PLEASE, YOU HAVE MY FAVORITE PEN!"

So, Becky, Alex, Fallon, and I were talking about how I had a place Fallon could crash if she wanted in town.

She said, "No thanks."

I said, "The bed is small, but I'd kick him out."

"Really?"

"Yeah."

Alex asked, "Just lay with him."

"That would be awkward - I'd have to be on top of him."

Becky chimed, "Well, first step to losing your virginity..."

Knitting lessons today went well. Can't post the pic of Becky without her permission and her choice of pic, but she's nearly done with her first hat! I am so excited I am nearly peeing on myself. Who am I kidding? I am leaking all over myself. Only from excitement - loss of bladder control is down the road a few years.

After school, I met up with Fallon with Micheru.

I was telling them about this hot fucking piece of ass who's a Spanish teacher. I told them how I fight the incoming crowd of the dismissed students just so I can look at him for a moment or two while he's gathering his things. I want to do things to this man.

And this guy behind us chimes in with, "Girls, girls, girls, I know you're talking about me, but damn. Control yourselves."

We laughed.

Then he said, "I wish," and walked away.

I like that guy.

The title had me think of the actual song by N*Sync. You know, by the time that song was released (2000) that was all coming around. It blew everyone's fucking mind.

Hilarious that they had to deliver the message of how fucking mind blowing it was with lyrics like....

"Digital digital get down just you and me

(You may be) Twenty thousand miles away but I can see ya
And baby baby you can see me"

What're You Talking About?

Oh geez, no real theme to this post. I am just shooting the breeze. Ooh, there's a theme. Shooting a breeze. Keep that in mind.

This evening, the post will be lead by Fallon.

Attention, everyone, attention.

Fallon, you may continue...

Fallon - Yeah, I have the car details on my FACEBOOK.
Me - I don't understand where you're getting at? My receptors are off.
Fallon - Anyway, yeah, she stopped me in the hallway and said sorry for my car because she keeps abreast of my issues.
I love how she fucking used that word in everyday context.
And she somehow managed to work in catalyses reaction with her car's fuel line.
Smarty pants.

As I drove Fallon to Barnes and Noble, she said I looked very attentive while driving.
I do when someone else is in the car because I cannot put my hand where I want it (the back of the passenger seat). I did and she told me it looked like we were dating.
I cannot look cool with my hand just all limp in my lap. It wants to HOLD THINGS, it wants to be USEFUL. IT WANTS A LITTLE LOVIN'.

I went to Todd's after class while I waited to get my sister.
Jaccob said something to May and she said something back that somehow deserved a high-five.
I moved his hand so she couldn't.
He tried again.
I moved it again.
He tried once more and once more I thwarted him. So he stopped me by crossing my arms and pinning them there. I looked at the little girl and said, "See, May, this is what winning looks like."
Jaccob turned to me and asked, "Really? This is what winning looks like?"
Well, she didn't give him a high-five.
Score.

Amanda just walked into my room, from the bathroom where she was giggling, and had her mouth wide open with her eyes shut.
She then started laughing and said, "It looks like a fun puppet face."
And walked straight back out where more giggling ensued in the bathroom.

She was at my door earlier after I got out of the shower and was shaking it. I told her the robe was coming off.
She stopped rattling it and said, "Here, let me hold it in for you!" And pressed it against the doorframe.
I love this girl.

To say goodnight, Amanda just said, "Night, seester. And if I die before I wake, Heather shall get nothing from this room." And then she closed the door.

This morning, in my Bio Lab, I was following the instructions with how much mLs to put in the test tubes when I turned around to the other two in my team. This is what I turned around to hear, "Yeah, Harry, get over your parents' deaths. Geez," Tanya said.
"Yeah, your parents aren't the only ones who died," Hailey said.
"Yeah, some kids' parents are still alive and raping them every night before they sleep."
When Tanya said that, the other groups around us looked at her too.

That's all I can remember about today.
It's been good actually.
I hope you all have horrible ones so I look more interesting and funny.

Reasoning Skills With Sexism

I had a great weekend.
And, for the first time, I am not being sarcastic.
(Me - I was being sarcastic, Jaccob.
Jaccob - Your sarcasm sucks.
Me - It's just because it's so dry and I'm so intelligent.)
Friday everything worked.
Saturday fucking tired.
Sunday is/was equal to Saturday.

I bought quite a few things on Friday.
Let me explain.
There was a giant book sale for the library that Jaccob, Todd, and I went to. Jaccob bought an entire box full of books.
I had ten/eleven books.
Which included some Stephen King, RL Stine, and Animorphs.
Please, stop being jealous. Actually, I wouldn't have went if it weren't for the guys, so thanks for the books.
And Jaccob loudly said that there were Twilight books over there. I said, "Oh cooooooool..."
Then some woman stopped me to tell me I was going in the wrong direction.
And some man with an eye patch handed Jaccob a book. Told him it was an awesome sci-fi. Jaccob said okay, he would try it out. Then the guy took it back, saying it was in his box. That man was pretentiously weird. He asked what genre I liked to read. I told him mostly horror. He asked if that meant vampires - like I'm some Twilight and Vampire Diaries bitch. I told him that was sissy shit, but not in those exact words - his eye patch was enough for me. He was pretty rad for it.
When we paid, however, I had to write out a check. Now, I have special ordered my checks (since I would have to pay more through my bank anyway) and they have little pigs on them. They're cute as fuck.
The woman who was ringing me up was up in my shit with, "Why would you special order checks with pigs on them?"
I showed them to her.
"Yes, they're cute, but why? It doesn't make sense."
And when I handed the check to her, she said, "And that's how you sign your name? Geez, your bank must know you."
I looked at her seriously and said, "Yes, they know me by name."

ANYWAY, on our way out I spotted some train/car 3D cardboard project. I picked up one of each and so did Jaccob.
I couldn't get the front of the train to stick, so I had to tape it. HOWEVER, I built mine first.

I had to tape the bitch down. I also tried to make it look like the train smashed into the car. Sadly, it just looks like the train is humping the sports car. Poor things.

When I set it up, I said, "Guys, you have to be as funny as this to be counted as blog material."

That's when Todd asked if the train was humping the car.

I couldn't pass them up. This is what Jaccob did with his car. Props, man, props.

Afterwards, I won shotgun in Todd's car.
I bought the No Strings Attached album. Yes, by fucking N*Sync. Don't judge me. I lost it all those years before. I'm listening to it now.
Bring da house, c'mon, c'mon, c'mon raise the roof.
Does anyone remember that movie where Lance tried to be straight.... Even Justin tried to be cool in it. I watched it for them. Excuse me, just for Justin. He was my crush in my early teen days.
Then I switched to Eminem.
Where the transition from the "prep" to the rebel happened I will never know.

Then we went back to Todd's where he showed us a movie his mom accidentally allowed him to watch as a 10-year-old boy. It's called The Toxic Avenger. Best fucking movie I've watched this year. I cannot explain how hilarious it was.
All I kept thinking was how this explained Todd as a person for me now. It was the epitome of you, Todd-ster.
If you haven't watched it, it is on Netflix, please watch.

We did watch maybe five minutes of this awful Russian movie. I was zoning in and out of boredom with the long, over-expensive opening credz. When I came back to, I noticed the names and said, "All their names look like math equations."
The guys just nodded and soon I found out that it was just a decoration for their names and the real Russian came up. I laughed and apologized for my stupidity. In all honesty, though, that's where all the budget for the film went to.

Todd didn't like the movie Mean Girls.

I'm drinking Dunkin' Donuts pumpkin spice coffee. It's not all that. Taste more like pumpkin potpourri.

Me - If you had a chance to be a woman for the rest of your life, would you?
Scotty - See, that dips into the unknown, I would not. You can sleep with all the women in the world but you won't actually know until you are one. But, honestly, I would not be a woman because I want to be left with my reasoning skills.
Me - So you're saying that you want to be a man so you can keep your reasoning skills?
Scotty - Yes.

Forgotten Idioms

Okay, so, I've decided to do a resurrection post of everything that's died out because I forgot to post it before.

< ressurection >
*In Japanese class*
Some girl - Sonoda-sensei, does Japan have a "bless you" saying for when someone sneezes?
Sonoda-sensei - Um, no.
Me - So, you all just sit there awkwardly afterwards?
Sonoda-sensei - No, we just don't mention it.
Me - That's awkward. What a culture shock.

Awhile ago Jaccob sent me:

I smell no sarcasm here. I am just reading something that's always right and always will be. I just read this and have to save this incase something took over his brain and made him forget every true fact in the universe.

So, he was afraid when I told him that I saved it.

So, he seemed to want to make lies (I think the something was already infecting him).

. . .

See what I mean?

I should host an exorcism where his penis has to go. Because, obviously, penises are a big deal to him.

< / resurrection >

(Because I only had enough memory for two.)

Last night I gave Becky knitting lessons at Barnes-n-Noble.

Micheru joined us.

So, we now officially have a knitting circle. Becky's hat should be finished before winter hits which is the good news. Bad news is when Fallon wants to knit the same hat.

Fall is here and the leaves are crunching under my feet.

Even that line brings a smile to my face. No more fucking 90-degree 10AMs. 

In other news, I've lost just over 20lbs now.

Stop cheering, Jesus Christ.

And it sucks in the way that my clothes are getting unshapely baggy. 

That, too, brings a smile to my face.

I have to go. I'm getting tired and I have work in three hours. I am just the epitome of awesome.

さようなら。

ps -  Fun fact. Even if the html tags are made up, blogger removes them in the posting process. Another fun fact, it allows spaced imaginary ones. 

Walking Furniture

Let's see if I can push through the nausea to write one post that has a lot in a short amount of time.

Let's get it started... in here. (Sorry, couldn't help myself.)

I went to the movies yesterday with Todd and Jaccob. We went to see Looper (I love saying that in a french accent). It was pretty bad. Don't get me wrong, I liked a lot of aspect that I won't dive into. Of course, I called out that it would be bad since the trailer, but the guys seemed to enjoy it, the trailer I mean.. Told you so. It was such a manly movie though.
Manly, Heather? How can you even fucking say that when you, yourself, are trying to blur the lines of gender?
My definition of "manly themes" are as follows:
1. Boob shots for the sake of having breasts.
2. Guns. No need to shoot of a gun sometimes, or hold one, but it's there and it's fun so why not?
3. Explosions. Hell yes. I like this one for the sake of liking it.
4. Drugs. A cool idea for drugs but I want to know if the person would eventually become blind.
5. Falling in love with that woman who lets you fuck her ass, but nurses your addict ass back to health.
6. The idea that women weren't cool enough to have simple action scenes.
7. Cool cars. The definition of cool here is loose, very loose (like the women).
8. Long, sweeping coats. Check.
9. Women stereotyping in general: very mom-esque (caring, loving, willing to stroke your hair then null the prostitution contract).
10. And one old man that all the other boys look up to because he's so calm in such a big position of power.

But the fun didn't stop there.
We went to Steak-n-Shake where the table beside us had older, late twenties, guys. One kind of did this snarling howl at a college girl walking by. There was some tension in the air, mostly because it was awkward and discomforting.
And our waiter sucked. Which was understandable because there were two and the whole restaurant was packed with sororities and fraternities (if they weren't, God shoot me down now). But, when we were all checking out I made a comment that I wasn't going to tip because he did suck. Yes, I've been a waitress, but damn. Then, as Todd walked out, Jaccob loudly said, "Heather, aren't you going to tip?!"
He said it was payback because I ruined an ending to one of his stories he had to tell Todd. Jaccob didn't get his guy time. Ha, Jaccob, ha.
Then Todd invited us back to his place.

We all talked for an hour and then Todd wanted to go crash for the night. We waited and then Jaccob turned to me and said, "Do you want to rearrange Todd's house?"
There were a few things I learned that night:
1. Jaccob can't carry furniture. He was fucking picking up the kitchen table by the legs. Holding the legs when it was upside down. Jesus, his furniture must be wobbly.
"Jaccob, pick it up from the bottom."
"Why? The legs have screws."
"They have a fucking weight limit, Jaccob."
"They're doing fine."
"Oh my god, just rest it down and pick it up from the bottom."
We put it down and then....
"Don't pick it up by the legs again!"
It was a looper moment.
2. I don't know how Todd got his couch in the den because we couldn't fit it through the doorway. We tried to wedge it but we gave up and pretty quickly too.
3. That with enough board games stacked on one another the boxes start to give.
4. Jaccob can't stack kid chairs.
5. Todd's house has a lot of shelving.
6. That I'm not really a bitch because I wouldn't rearrange DVD discs to different cases.
All in all, a very enlightening experience.
And we just ended up putting the kitchen table and chairs into the den, turning the couch around and stacking whatever you see in the picture below.

Then we stood and talked. I mentioned something about running. Jaccob mentioned that I just run on a treadmill. I said, "Well, I sweat in odd places so I don't want to go outside."

There was a slightly longer pause before he said, "But if you don't have like a giant," he took his hand and made a giant circle around his crotch, "sweat stain here that looks like you're peeing..."

I cut him off, "Uh, I wasn't talking about my vagina."

"Oh."

He said something else that related to my nether-regions and I told him that wasn't the direction at all.

It ended up with him telling me to run in a tank top since the way my shirt lays, it just looks like my shoulder-blades sweat. Quite embarrassing. I do, but I have a thing for tank tops so I don't buy any that I could ruin. So I have to buy some.

The other morning it was raining. Everyone has their windows up, so I figured I could actually listen to my radio as loud as I wanted so I wouldn't get as many stoplight comments. I was wrong. Sort of.
I was playing Black Hole Sun by Soundgarden at a stop light. Now, I pulled up making sure both the two cars on both sides of me had their windows up. They did. It was just playing and I look around to see what traffic was doing and I noticed that the van beside me had rolled down his window.
I looked at the guy and he was leaning upward to meet my stare and just nodding with the music. He started to open his mouth.
All I could do was do my side-grin and look away.
That man looked like he knew his way around a needle (I told that exact description to two people, ha).
People think it's rare, but for me, these little moments, and more, happen whenever I have my music loud. It's annoying.

Her description was just funny. And that's me sick all day. My hair is awesome.

When I say sick, I mean sick of you all.