THE BIG PICTURE PALOOZA

That's right, folks. It is THE BIG PICTURE PALOOZA. That means because my lazy ass didn't make a post, I now have to show the boring pictures of my life. The content is miraculous though. The holidays have almost passed (Tuesday is the end!) and I have many boring life photos. Like when I watched my grandmother's video about "wild horses." Folks, you could see the fence the horses were running behind. Poor, defenseless old people. They try their best, they really do.

BUT LET'S GET THE HOLIDAY REWIND STARTED:

I like to start my mornings out right, especially with an awesome fucking cheesecake I made last night...

Hey, stop drooling. Clean your nasty self up. The only thing it's missing is strawberry/cherry glaze. Didn't know I would be baking this scrumptious piece of art last night, so I was mightily unprepared last night.
It's okay, I've already apologized to myself.
I just high-fived myself for trying something new and succeeding.

Then, also this morning, I finished a baby blanket for Jaccob's niece.

Took me a couple of weeks because I got really busy. Wait, you don't believe me, you probably just think I make this shit up. Understandable. But I know I'm better than you.

This was a very simple knit. Next I can't wait to make tiny cardigans for the girl.

And speaking of this baby, here's her and her Uncle Jaccob:

Isn't that the cutest fucking thing ever? He fed her and then handed her to me (I really wanted to hold the precious bundle of meat and bones)... Within the first five seconds of holding her, she threw up. Nearly on me, but it just dribbled out.

I make kids vomit.

It can be a power or weakness.

I guess depending on the situation.

Next, has everyone seen Despicable Me? Good. Well, there's this girl character, Edith, who wears this pink hat. I loved it. So I knitted it. Used a pattern made for super bulky yarn. Had to improvise, but the first strand of pink is smaller than the rest for the reason. I just didn't have enough caring nature in me to go back and fix it.

My most prized knitted possession.

Then there was Christmas.

Everyone here knows how I already feel, but I have great friends whom I love. So I celebrate on their behalf. And I got a lot of thoughtfulness this year. Made me very happy these people are in my lives. For example, here's Fallon.

She surprised me with some great, great gifts.

I guess surprise is for any gift, right?

Anyway. 

Love the fucking shirt.

FUCKING LOVE the pig trash can. Don't want to use it for things I discard because that symbolism clashes, I think. 

And a mug (which I use for tea). 

Everything coincided with being thoughtful. I loved them. 

When I walked in and saw her holding that pig trash can, I honestly squealed, "OMG YAY!"

My girly side comes with a vengeance sometimes.

Next is Alan.

I got him a $30 giftcard to put toward Farcry 3. Don't worry, geeks, he bought it the next day.

Then he got me a knitting book. Not just any book, but something hipster and lovely.

I will resurrect every ball of dead yarn I can.

Jaccob bought me something.

Not just something.

But a something that I FUCKING HATE AND WILL "ACCIDENTALLY" LOSE.

Kidding.

I love it, Jaccob.

He even wrote something in it, but I won't disclose that since I want it to be between us.

Oh, and if you don't know where this journal is from, stop reading my blog.

Kidding. 

I know Scotty, Marina, and Todd definitely won't know.

(It's River Song's journal off Doctor Who.)

Last, but not least, MARINA.

She came to town for Christmas and we kicked it.

We went to Opry Mills in Nashville and acted like girls. Which is stereotypical and wrong of me to say. But I will say we giggled and bought things. Well, WHILE buying things.

He worked at Spencer's. This was supposed to draw people in. It worked.

We bought matching bracelets. 

I totally wasn't at work during this...

That's right, even italics for sarcasm.

My Christmas gift from her :)

I love the raspberry earl tea.

Presents I don't have pictures of are as follows:

- A dug out.

- Fallon also got me a winter-themed rubber duck. (Which is chilling with Halloween, Pirate, and Plain ducks.)

Wow, I thought I had more than that. I suck.

Oh, one day Jaccob and I were at Sonic's.

The carhop brought us our food and pointed to a gentleman pulling out from a spot. She said he paid for our food and "Merry Christmas."

We did the same for a woman.

I poked myself in the eye with Jaccob's penis.

It was dark.

I wasn't sober. That's it. That's my excuse.

I hate those fucking antlers people put on their cars. Especially paired with that ridiculous Rudolph nose.

I haven't finished one book in two weeks.

I've been busy I said!

I've become obsessed with Kings of Leon.

I've also slipped on my diet the past six weeks. Time to bump it again. Jaccob says he doesn't want a slob for a girlfriend.

I'm kidding.

If he ever said that, he wouldn't have a penis.

I would poke a bar through his urethra. 

I am now bored of this and have cheesecake to deliver to family.

BUY GAIS.

Ha, haven't typed that in forever.

I Am The Mastermind

Today is one fucking amazing day.
Glorious.
If Mozart had the chance, he would've wrote Hallelujah for me.
But that's all I'll say.

Still owed Jaccob money. Totally paid him back at Ruby Tuesday's where he ate seven of those fucking glorious bread things that had a taste of honey and cheddar. Surprisingly nice. And where he also "swept" half of each on the fucking carpet. Poor waiter. I tipped him well.
Oh, Jaccob also lost a bet.
He was complaining about the ketchup, how it was too sweet.
I told him it was just Heinz, that it was all in his head.
He didn't believe. I went fucking proactive and asked the waiter.
I won.
Fuck you, Jaccob.

I finished his gloves which he didn't wear in the "shivering" weather.
I was going to post your picture, Jaccob, but it's too far in our text history. So, it'll be my hands again:

Aren't they cool as shit?!

First pair of "finger" gloves I've ever done. So, if they truly suck in the end, this is my apology.

He resent me the picture.

AND THEN.

THE WORLD INTENSELY WATCHED ON THE EDGE OF THEIR FUCKING SEATS WHILE BECKY FINISHED HER HAT. THEY CRINGED, THEY CRIED, THEY DAMN WELL NEAR SHIT THEMSELVES AS SHE POSED WITH THE FINISHED PRODUCT. ALL APPLAUDED AT HER SUCCESS.

It is fucking fantastic for a many-step pattern and your first hat! My darling student is about graduated. I will never let you go. Probably chain you. If you try to leave, I'll stab you with a fucking knitting needle. Those things are legit.

To even up the debt Jaccob had after Ruby's, he bought me a VENTI frapp.

With this name:

Now I owe him one. He said the only reason he bought Venti was for the guy to yell it out. (Which he didn't, boo ya.)

And this is a formal apology because I felt I didn't pay enough attention to Micheru and Megan. There were six of us and it was hard to converse. 

Official blog material, Becky.

And, while all six of us were at the table, Becky sent us something perverted.

It was a text penis with an emote hand in the middle. There was shooting cum at the end and a wink face (like it got hit in the eye) at the end.

Jaccob was giving tips how to make the hand look like it was moving up and down.

That one's a keeper.

I have to go now. Maybe I'll expand on this when I PROMISE TO POST MY BLOG DEDICATED TO THE WORD FUCK.

I have six and a half hours before I have get up and work in the morning.

Then LOUISVILLE. Very excited.

Told Marina I was going there.

She stopped all conversation and said, "Hold up, bitch. You're comin' on my turf and didn't fucking tell me?"

"Well, I wasn't going to be able to see you and I figured it would be a slap in the face... Like it is now."

"Bitch."

I miss her dearly.

Forgotten Idioms

Okay, so, I've decided to do a resurrection post of everything that's died out because I forgot to post it before.

< ressurection >
*In Japanese class*
Some girl - Sonoda-sensei, does Japan have a "bless you" saying for when someone sneezes?
Sonoda-sensei - Um, no.
Me - So, you all just sit there awkwardly afterwards?
Sonoda-sensei - No, we just don't mention it.
Me - That's awkward. What a culture shock.

Awhile ago Jaccob sent me:

I smell no sarcasm here. I am just reading something that's always right and always will be. I just read this and have to save this incase something took over his brain and made him forget every true fact in the universe.

So, he was afraid when I told him that I saved it.

So, he seemed to want to make lies (I think the something was already infecting him).

. . .

See what I mean?

I should host an exorcism where his penis has to go. Because, obviously, penises are a big deal to him.

< / resurrection >

(Because I only had enough memory for two.)

Last night I gave Becky knitting lessons at Barnes-n-Noble.

Micheru joined us.

So, we now officially have a knitting circle. Becky's hat should be finished before winter hits which is the good news. Bad news is when Fallon wants to knit the same hat.

Fall is here and the leaves are crunching under my feet.

Even that line brings a smile to my face. No more fucking 90-degree 10AMs. 

In other news, I've lost just over 20lbs now.

Stop cheering, Jesus Christ.

And it sucks in the way that my clothes are getting unshapely baggy. 

That, too, brings a smile to my face.

I have to go. I'm getting tired and I have work in three hours. I am just the epitome of awesome.

さようなら。

ps -  Fun fact. Even if the html tags are made up, blogger removes them in the posting process. Another fun fact, it allows spaced imaginary ones. 

End of Summer Vacation

As the summer's end is in sight (I can see it out my window), I have come to terms with my summer. It's been a busy summer and I have much to recollect on to let people realize what all I have accomplished:

KNITTING
Holy fuck, didn't I do a lot of knitting. (See, that was a statement, not a rhetorical question.) I have to say I put my mad skillz to the test and finished a truckload of shit. Not that I'm complaining. I did more knitting this summer than I probably have when I didn't have college or the hours at a job.

See, it all started with my sister's sweater which took me an entire year to finish knitting. From there it progressed to my sister wanting Kyle's hat from South Park (which I had to improv most of the time). She begged and pleaded on her knees. I agreed, and she threw graffiti which she seemed to have prepared.

During Kyle's Hat, Fallon's sister, Becky, wanted knitting lessons to which I agreed. While there, I finished Kyle's Hat, and started in on Scotty's Megaman hat. Before last semester ended, Scotty was jokingly asking me for Megaman's helmet. Well, joke's on you, Scotty, for I have whipped out the most awful rendition of that helmet for your use (I swear to I will re-knit).

But, oh helllllll noooooo, Alan saw what I had done and put a sword to my neck while growling, "I want a fucking Firefly Jayne Cobb hat."
I worked my little fingers to the bone putting that together.
However, that scratchy wool is still unlined and I hope to finish that before winter without him taking off my pinkies, or finding a horse head in my bed.

Fallon found an image of the most beautiful purse in all the land and bestowed it upon my eyes. She gave a love-sigh, deflating eloquently in a chair.
"What is this?" I asked with all the wonder in the world fluttering in my chest.
"A purse to match my very existence." She fluttered her eyelids.
"My dear, did you want me to knit this for you?"
She erected her girly pose on the chair, "Would you?" Her voice squealed in happiness.
"Of course, my dear friend."
So, I did and she loved it.

Then Jaccob got jealous. Green with envy, the boy cornered me in an alley and said, without question, "I want a fucking stocking cap, with the ugly fucking green of Link from Zelda."
I asked why should I do it.
He then started to mutate to this horrible, monstrous beast (if you can name that quote, you get something from me)! Eyes red, claws extended, I just nodded.
I gulped and agreed. What else could I do?
When I finished, he returned to his human form.

All my friends and creatures equalized, I focused the attention then on myself. I knitted a few quick patterns and here they are:

1.2.3.

1 - A pixie hat pattern Fallon found. Although I used the yarn and needle size it required, it was still a bit large. Next time, small needle size.

2. A tie I found in Knits for Nerds. I knitted a mirror one and am sewing it to the back. It looks odd, mostly because I improv'd that as well. It's a strand of DNA on the tie, in case one of you couldn't place it.

3. A scarf of some cheap yarn at Hobby Lobby. I loved the colors. It was sucha  quick knit since I used 1x1 ribbing with size 15 needles. Very awesome to knit with, too. It's way too long. The height of me plus half. Love that.

 WRITING
I finished a book. You know, the "skeleton" of it (as Fallon described in her notes). I've been thinking of side stories and back stories, and all the in between to give it human flesh, I suppose.

The story is officially called Seven Relics and is religiously based. But this is me we're talking about - I don't make religion boring.

Then I thought of another story idea that I can hopefully fuck around with in Intermediate Fiction Writing.

I know I'm being vague, but I might change, and I might have haters out there. That's right. Haters.

READING
This entire list.
I still have two more books to add to it and then I will date it and then all those creeps can come out and judge me on the romantic novels. They're like crack. It's horrible, but you just can't stop.

SOCIALIZING
Somehow, between last summer and this one, I somehow picked up some guys (Todd, Alan, Scotty, and Jaccob) and some chick (Fallon) who I've stuck with.

The guys and I had game night were we all push up our glasses, snort when we laugh, and talk in constant riddles to try and outdo each other's smarts. I won, by the way.
How many installments was it, Todd? Nine, ten of them?
The game was about this dude and he wanted what our characters had and he got it and none of us died. I wanted blood, but I settled down my animal instincts and made myself just drink tomato juice instead. Same thing, right -- you know, because they're the same color and all? Perhaps thickness too... I kind of want to test that out. With tests, not drinking both.

Fallon brought the girly side out of me with painting, and spray painting and puppies (oh my the puppy).
We did projects and we did nothing.
She and her sister received knitting lessons from me and we all became friends.
Went to a Jane Austen Festival with her.
Uh.
She introduced me to a good historical fiction (on my reading list, by the way).

THE SUMMER LIST
1. STUDY THE FUCK OUT OF FRENCH. (Never happened - changed my major.)
2. Read until my eyes pop out. I think that's pretty fair. I read 14 books last summer - I want to break that record with this one. (I had to put my eyes back in.)
3. Find an exercise that doesn't have my piriformis muscle rubbing against my sciatic nerve and causing me severe pains. It's real, google "Piriformis Syndrome." (Found stretches and can run again, hellz yeah!)
4. Clean the entire house from top to bottom. (Yup.)
5. Finish Fallon's socks. (Which reminds me I have scarf pics to put up!) (yup!)
6. Finish weaving in the ends of my sister's sweater. (Yes!!!)

FINALE
What have I learned?
That I am talented.
That I am a nerd.
That school will suck.
That I cannot do a backbend.
That Neon Trees has some special instrument to have their songs glued to your brain.
That eighties are back with my new perm.
That I love sleeping.
That it's hot during the summer.
That spiders are smart.
That I can't draw.
That patience is learned.
That tumblr is my new playground.
That I need to learn to use my words.
That my cat knows his cuteness and manipulates me with it.
That I suck at catching balls. (I leave it vague for open-ended jokes.)
That my dog lives to gross me out.
That boys have cooties. And the cootie shot won't reverse their affects.
That converse is the best shoe.
That I can't draw, or paint.
That my cat has horrible breath. (He just yawned into my face.)
That I can run a mile if I actually give a shit.
That, uh, I've run out of things I've learned.

Field Day

It's a fun field entry this evening, ladies and germs.

The weekend's end is nearly upon us and some shit happened:

Friday - Nothing.

Saturday - Work sucking, then Todd's

Sunday - Gave Fallon her purse at my knitting lessons, finished Jaccob's hat, and got a little closer with the sisters.

Now to write this entry completely backwards:

(See the awesome bobbles???)

Oh me, oh my. It only took me a good three days - and that's finishing one piece of the three piece ensemble over one day. Now, sewing it together took hours because I forgot how AND I suck at sewing. No harm in having no pride in it. She loved it. And I actually can't wait until she goes about wearing it.

I'm fantasizing about someone else's fantasy. 

I realllllly need a life.

BUT, I am jealous of it, haha.

Jaccob's hat! Before you guys ask, no, he didn't want a pom pom. Please shut the jaws because I tried and he really didn't want one. So, instead of the tip being really, really pointy, I made it more round to make up for the lack of said pom pom. I'm sure there's a penis joke in there somewhere.

I really love stocking caps. They take forever to knit though. My upper back was fucking killing me. I knitted the majority of nine hours at Todd's. I really, really, really, wanted to finish it Saturday night... Sadly, I suck. I joked about it, but I was in serious pain. I could've taken aspirin, but then I wouldn't seem badass through this entry.

Then for making him a Megaman Helmet, Scotty drew me this flower with a random circle at the end of the line. I'm still trying to use my imagination, Scotty. I'm thinking wrecking ball. I almost thought of those balls in the pinball machine, but that doesn't make sense in the longer scheme of things. The lines are intricate and I do like it, Scotty. Thank you.

THE GAME IS FINALLY FINISHED. 

Todd, write it the fuck up. 

Ended with Hex dying and then regenerating and taking the baby that was wrapped in Kyle's bloody jacket. 

Dun dun dun.

I want to say rebirth or something, but I'm not entirely sure how that works.

Oh, ran a 13:40 minute mile, finally. I'm getting there again. I remember the days when I got to a mile and a half without stopping.

I watched 50/50... That movie fucking sucked. It was another cancer movie -- the director creature added NOTHING new. It was just a long cliche. 

Yesterday I was getting off my exit from the interstate. As I'm at the stop sign waiting to turn right, I see the almost passing car slow down and try to merge onto the exit ramp through my open window space. Now, instead of honking or yelling to stop, I merely shake my head no, with my eyes wide. I know they saw me because the person in the passenger seat started laughing and the driver looked at me then the GIANT "WRONG WAY" signs and backed up a little to the main road. Ha. They then chose to drive 40mph which is the exact speed to piss me off in a 55 zone.

Next entry will feature pics of my mom's stock pile. That's right. Stock pile. Fuck with that.

Mr. Blue Sky

JAYNE COBB HAT, BITCHES. Yeah, Alan wanted me to knit him something since I knitted Scotty the Megaman Hat. I love the shape of this hat, aside from the rotten candy corn appeal. I'm thinking of lining it later on because it's a scratchy type yarn. I never watched Firefly but from Alan and NePaul mentioning it (which is a small idealistic world, don't'cha think?), I guess it's popular.
I knitted this hat in, like, five hours tops. Probably less. I was just watching Doctor Who... I think two and a half episodes passed before I worked on the earflaps... Oh well.

Played L4D2 Tuesday with Scotty, Alan (Biscuit is his name on xbox), and Hot Topic. I'm getting better! It's the small things, right?
Anyway.
Scores rolled upward on L4D2 as our campaign ended and Hot Topic and I were ranked the first two with the tank. Biscuit was last. Hot Topic said, "Looks like you got your biscuits burnt."

Fallon - Just make sure you don't buy a 20$ yarn ball.
Me - Yeah, they have 'em at 50.
Becky - Goodness, what're they made out of?
Me - I don't know. Probably the hair from God.
*They give small chuckles.*
Me - Or, the lambs that were sacrificed in His name.

Mom - If you don't get your butt in the shower, I swear to God I'm going to kick it.
Me - Mom, if you don't watch your mouth I'll stick my face in your butt!
*Pause... Mom starts laughing.*
Me - Wow, dyslexia moment.
Mom - Yeah, vice-versa.

NOOOO

(I wrote this entry yesterday and simply saved it as a draft. Anything in parentheses is my afterthought of 24-hours.)

My head still has a little ache to it. Fuck life. Fuck the universe. Fuck the big bang. (Actually, it's still here, gladly chiming in to my moods.)

That's the beginning to Fallon's purse that she asked me to knit. It's going well, Fallon (working on it now). The pattern is easy to follow and the yarn is cool to see as it works upward. I like the bluuuuue. I can't wait until this side is finished and then we can see the entire pattern. I like making the bobbles -- haha, they kill me. (I just finished looking at the bobbles again... Still killing me.)

Fallon and I bought her yarn. I bought a book of sweater patterns. Then we bought fabric for her renaissance dress and the lining of said purse.

BUT, she finished her first ever scarf today and it was awesome. I am so proud. So proud in fact that I am going to use this emote: ;_____________;
I always loved that one in my younger days.

(She finally sent me a picture.)

Man, I've paid off so much shit. Now I feel broke, although I'm not really.
- Paid up my car insurance for the next six months ($450)
- Paid my registration ($42)
So, I exaggerated the amount of things I had to pay, but so what?
(Still, so what?)

Todd scared the shit out of me today. I was putting shoes on an end-cap and I see movement. Right when I see it, I hear, "BOO!" And see his crouching figure in the corner of my eye.
My reaction?
"OH. MY. GOD. TODD!"
He walked away laughing.

Shit, I'm tired. I'm going to go finish Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy and then sleep.
Sweet, sweet sleep.
(Yeah, I didn't finish it last night - just now actually. I went to bed, then a storm, then my dog, then my cat, then my bladder, then back to sleep, then work.)

The Spider Pendulum

 That's right, I finished Scotty's Megaman hat. I don't much like it. I don't like the base hate, the aviator hat from the pattern. That's just me. I feel like I should've knitted the damn thing on needles two sizes smaller than it called for. If anyone finds this before the pattern, heed my advice. But it does looked like the helmet and it cracks me up. I mean, look at it. I never even thought of Megaman again, not until he mentioned him. Anyway, it's finished and so am I. Bah.
(In the second picture I was honestly thinking, "I wonder what I'll listen to while making the blog entry?" It's RADWIMPS, btw.)

The storm that reeked havoc on my sleep happened last night. It literally looked like the horizon was on fire and I snapped a couple of pictures. I'm glad it stormed, but my dog is like a child and has to sleep in the same room. So, I did. Then my cat gets so excited he can sleep with me. He likes to meow and headbutt me like, "OMGS WE GETS TO SLEEPS TOGETHUR!" Then he gets in some awkward position that pushes me to the edge of my bed.

At work, I was walking down some small hallway and then all of the sudden this spider dropped from the ceiling right in front of my chest. I cried out, "OOH!" And then I tried to back away, but the bastard began (I do not jest) to SWING toward me. He was gaining momentum and I kept crying out while backing up, nearly tripping over my feet.

Yes, the thought of smashing this wee little spider occurred to me, but I couldn't bring myself to do it.

Then, it finally stopped and I carefully walked around it and Dean looked up at me with a curious look.

"Was that you crying out?" (His literal question.)

I started to laugh, realizing how fucking ridiculous I was. "Yes, yes it was."

"Well, did you kill it?"

I shook my head, laughing. "No, it just began swinging at me!"

He gave a chuckle or two and then walked down the hallway to kill it for me as I was saying, "It was literally trying to swing toward me!"

Makes me laugh just thinking about it.

Welp, that's all I have.
Fuck you guys lata.

Kyle's Hat from South Park

So, this is the Kyle hat, ushanka, that I knitted my sister from South Park. Took me several days to finish this, believe it or not. I am proud, but I also feel bad because it wasn't exactly like Kyle's off South Park to begin with. Hey, what can you do without a pattern? I actually went to my local yarn shop and asked what they would do and we looked through hat patterns and found one that had the body shape. I changed it around a bit and then folded over the band, waiting to rip it out, but my sister loved it there, so that's why the band stays.

The earflaps were fucking hell to knit. I actually ripped them out like four times to measure and fix. Sadly, they look off. I don't know why. They measure the same and are the same width. Maybe it's our faces, or the big dark green piece in the middle. Funny how it all equals together, right? I know it's the perfect green, and the darker green is almost perfect, I know. I enjoyed knitting most of it, aside from the detailing... Which is everything I just described. I hope it does please the actual fandom, and my sister. She loves it. keeps thanking me for it (it's her Christmas present).

The guys and I played Left 4 Dead 2 last night. What I mean by guys is Scotty, Alan, me, and some friend of Scotty's that he referred to as "Boo." Scotty has so many buddies on the xbox and they keep joining his parties. When I'm getting fucking murdered by a zombie I'll hear strange voices and Scotty just rambling on to them. It was funny. Made a girl friend. Well, she plays L4D2 also.

They kept backtracking to help save me, which their patience was astounding. Man. We were nearing to a safe point and all of us were tackled by a "special infected." Everyone aside from Scotty. He was hobbling. He tried to save me, but he realized where he was and I said, "Leave me!"

He ran to the safe house, just closing the door on the tank infected. It was special to watch.

Another part was when "Boo," Alan, and Scotty were all at the safe house (I was long dead). Alan and Scotty were at the doorway, trying to usher their severely injured friend along. There was a special or something coming and as their friend was hobbling, he asked, "Should I just be dead for this?"

Without answering, Scotty slid into the doorway and shot him down.

EDIT:

Just remembered this last night.

"Boo' revived me and all I could see was black, no matter which direction I faced. I was freaking out, thinking I couldn't stand up, a glitch or something. I was saying, "Guys, I can't see anything."

Then I move my stick up and realized I was just looking down.

Hahaha.

Perhaps it's boring without all of you being there. ONLINE DIARY ARGUMENT HERE.

Sunday went to teach them knitting. Becky wants to get ahead of herself, but, ha, won't let her. I actually have her first square and am very excited to share:

Isn't it awesome? She learned CO, K, P, KxP, K2xP2 with this. 

I bought a pass to the Jane Austen Festival this Sunday. Going with all of them. Excited. I told Marina and asked her, "How much whiter can we get, right?"

She just said you couldn't.

What A Fun Night

May - Daddy, you're not buckled! You're not buckled!
Me - *turning to the kid* Well, see, May, your dad is an anarchist.

There are more conversations that I cannot remember ... Story of my life.

This is Zoey, Todd and Alura's cat. She's in my purse, just cuddled in there. I thought it was adorable, but no one is really allowed to show affection on her.

Game was good last night. I got some speaking parts - which I think I talked too much for my character, but whatever. I'm thinking of a master plan to thwart all the other characters. I'm purposely a bitch and I love it. Of course, I still cooperate, Todd, I do. You know I do. The game is taking on a sci-fi turn and I'm loving it. There's some time vortex shit happening and I'm in love. I really want this a book - it'll be good.

FYI, Todd-ster, I have no idea where I'm going with Hex. Ha. I am winging it all the way.

TODAY, I went to Becky's house again where I proceeded to oversee them knitting. Becky is my star pupil (haha, Fallon). She's really took it on and just basically learns the technique and then masters it. Fallon IS DOING WELL TOO. Slow and steady wins the race, girl.

This is Fallon's first square in knitting. It was very good! I am so proud ;( Makes me happy I'm teaching. The yearning for friend knitters has been strong with this one. Ha. Ha. Ha. Wish Becky's kids didn't unravel hers so I could have two to show. I am so proud it hurts.

Sharoll, their Mother-in-law, taught me how to make a straight line on the sewing machine. Very excited. Makes me very, very happy. I want to line the insides of my purses and I want to sew quilts. Quilting excites me, believe it or not.

I accomplished that and am happy with my lines. I was once afraid, but now I see. I do hope she doesn't mind me tagging along in this sewing endeavor. I just really want to learn how to quilt. OH IF I WAS 70-YEARS-OLD.

Wow, I need to start carrying around a pad and paper for blog entry.
Journalist in training.

In other news....

Prime Time

My sister was in the living room today, playing Skyrim. I was watching while I ate. Suddenly, Xbox popped up a message reading, "SmokamusPrime" sent you a message."
I asked, "So, Smoke-a-mus.... Prime?"
Amanda (roommate, Todd), shook her head, "I don't know who that is, honestly."
She opened the message while I was still reciting the username. The message read, "I'm comming all over your face baby."
The only thing I could say, after laughing, was that he used the wrong 'cumming.'
Mom was in the room, I was in the room. Poor naive sister trying hard to get me to stop laughing at her.

Okay, so, went to Fallon's sister's house, Becky.
Guess what I did.
That's right.
Taught them how to knit. Well, taught them the basics of knitting. All they learned today, really, was garter stitch. Becky actually got ahead to 2x2 ribbing. They were doing really well. I forgot to bring my first square ever knitted. So, yeah, Fallon, I will link it... here. So there is nothing to feel bad about. I've had to rip out dozens of projects before. I would get so angry that I would get light-headed, but it comes with the process. That's where I learned patience. I used to be some hot head, now look at me... Haha. I was going to make a joke here, but couldn't think of one good enough.

My cat just trampled into my room. I gave him a ball. Well, rolled it to him, but he ran away from it.

I can't wait until they get good enough and we can do a little knitting circle, like the one full of old bitches that come to Barnes and Noble. I'm working on an afghan started two years ago. I am just full of ... it.

Now to go write and read some more Charles Bukowski. Trying to stop with the erotica. I swear I don't know why I keep reading it. I wonder if they're interventions, support groups for this sort of thing. I mean, there has to be a moment in a meth head's life where they're like, "This is Hell, but I still want it." That's right, comparing my sober reading to people slowly killing themselves. These books aren't even good! Just like some of the buzzes you could get. Some of them are horrible and you're thinking in that paranoid state, "I'll never do this again! If I make it through this, I'll never do it again! Just let me make it through the night." And then it's there again, in your eyesight and it's hard to just ignore it. Maybe I'm thinking too much into it. Hell, I don't have to think while I'm reading it.
Oh God....
I'm turning books into television....

Shook Me All Night Long

What I like about Fallon is that she thought of me and then bought me something:

Isn't it grand?! I fucking love pigs. I ordered me some pig checks the other day too. I feel loved. I honestly fucking love it. I am using it until its legs fall off. Right now it's in the book Gates of fire by Steven Pressfield.

In other news....

See that shit? I actually finished weaving in all the fucking ends to the sweater. There were twenty-something. It's finished and I'm washing it here in an hour with my work clothes. My mother beat me to the washer. DAMN YOU, MOTHER.

Oh, I won a free gift card to Barnes and Noble. I won first place in the fiction contest at school. Well, hardly anyone submitted and it's not like I'm a prodigy, but it can be argued. The first story I ever wrote was about a Goosebumps story line. All I remember is that I squirted ketchup on the monster's shirt or something. I think it's the book where the parents turn to plants or something - someone help me out here. Whatev. I'm thinking about buying some Sylvia Plath. Maybe one of the other books on my list.
I texted my classmate and she said she made second place in fiction. Bam bitches.

Oh fuck yes

I baby sat for the first time since the beginning of my life in the womb. Now, I know you guys know how awkward I am around kids, and if you don't then... I'm fucking awkward around kids. Todd's girl is 2-years-old. Potty trained. And a very good listener. That's right, Todd, I make her sound like a puppy.

Todd, you're my friend. If you find this distasteful I will, by all means, take it down and keep it for me, alone.

It started at 7:30PM with her having to poop. I'm like sure, I don't care, go do your business. But she's two, I need to remember this. She's only been on this earth for two years and for one year she was helpless as a legless and armless Homo sapien. She tells me to wait in the doorway.
"No, I'll wait in here. I can still see you."
"But I can't see you."
"No, you can." I was trying everything to not watch some small girl poo.
"No, come stand right here!" She leads me to the doorway to the small hallway that is less than three feet away from the bathroom. I oblige and grab a book off Alura's little library. I start to read it with my back turned and I hear her; a little while later she's done. She gets off. I tell her to wipe. She argues and I think, 'I am not looking for proof,' so she wins.
Five minutes later she has to do it again.
We have the same routine.
As I'm standing there and hear her, she suddenly giggles and says, "I made a tortilla!"
Only in my head do I ask, 'What the fuck is a tortilla? That doesn't make sense with a human's shit.'
She gets off and stands there looking at me with her shorts down. I ask, "What?"
"Wipe me."
"No, wipe yourself."
"No, you have to do it."
"No, you can do it."
She rips off one square of toilet paper and brings it to me, with her shorts still down. "Here, wipe me."
I take it, "No, little one, this isn't enough."
She then argues she's not a little girl. I tell her she's right, that she's a big girl.
I take her back to the bathroom where I get more toilet paper, an adequate amount for her toddler butt and say, "Here, stick this between your cheeks and move up."
She does so and then looks amazed that she had. I then tell her to put it in the toilet and flush, but not before I had a gander at her shit and wanted to puke. I am squeamish to poop for some reason, but not vomit. I am trying hard to not even show my signs of gagging but she's still holding the nasty toilet paper. I now understand the meaning of tortilla poop. I tell her to drop it, then I close the lid and flush. She does so. I tell her to pull up her pants and wash her hands.
"They're not pants."
"Oh, I'm sorry, shorts."
"I don't only have shorts on."
"And panties. Please pull up your shorts and panties before you go wash your hands."
She listens and then happily plays Break the Ice for the fiftieth time that night. I still had an hour a half to go.

Oh me. I asked my mother if I had done stuff like that. She said yes and I apologized. Sincerely apologized.

Other than that nothing much has happened nowadays. Finals week but it doesn't feel final -- maybe because my esteem ran out and I just don't give a shit anymore. Pun intended. I am worried over me studying French this summer.
I am going to copy Fallon and show you guys a list of things-to-do-during-the-summer:
1. STUDY THE FUCK OUT OF FRENCH.
2. Read until my eyes pop out. I think that's pretty fair. I read 14 books last summer - I want to break that record with this one.
3. Find an exercise that doesn't have my piriformis muscle rubbing against my sciatic nerve and causing me severe pains. It's real, google "Piriformis Syndrome."
4. Clean the entire house from top to bottom.
5. Finish Fallon's socks. (Which reminds me I have scarf pics to put up!)
6. Finish weaving in the ends of my sister's sweater.
That's it, nothing too big so I don't think too large and then feel really small when I don't finish anything.

This one is rather old but it's been forever since I posted so I'm assuming it's never been shared. It's for Amanda. Look at my cat, ha. And my room is now COMPLETELY different.

Only took me a day and a half. Watch Jane Eyre (2011 version) while doing so.

I love this scarf. Sadly, I couldn't wear it since it was a warm winter last/this year. Took me forever to find the time to knit it. it's taller than I.

This is just fucking cute. My sister told me to look over and that was waiting for me.

Oh, watched a romantic movie (STFU I am on my period). It is called, The Ghost and Miss Muir. I liked it, for what it was. It was funny when the ghost said he had been with three women and Miss Muir was all like, "OH HOW FUCKING GROSS - BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF, SIR!" Ha. "Blasted" and "Blazes" were curse words. Took me forever to figure that out. I couldn't figure out why she continuously told him to stop with the cursing.

That's it, my little fuckers.
Until next time...

yeah, i do.

KNITTING ALERT!
I finished my first headband with an i-cord.
(No affliation with Steve Jobs.)




The pattern was in some knitting magazine I received on Christmas. First time I ever followed a chart instead of a pattern, step by step, itself.
SUCCESS.

Nothing new.
This guy at work, Kyle something another.
Sweet heart.
Loves Buddhism.
Probably thinks I'm an idiot because all I can do is smile and nod as he speaks.
I suck when I'm nervous.
I am not well educated in flirting or finding out if he's single or not without asking.