THE BIG PICTURE PALOOZA

That's right, folks. It is THE BIG PICTURE PALOOZA. That means because my lazy ass didn't make a post, I now have to show the boring pictures of my life. The content is miraculous though. The holidays have almost passed (Tuesday is the end!) and I have many boring life photos. Like when I watched my grandmother's video about "wild horses." Folks, you could see the fence the horses were running behind. Poor, defenseless old people. They try their best, they really do.

BUT LET'S GET THE HOLIDAY REWIND STARTED:

I like to start my mornings out right, especially with an awesome fucking cheesecake I made last night...

Hey, stop drooling. Clean your nasty self up. The only thing it's missing is strawberry/cherry glaze. Didn't know I would be baking this scrumptious piece of art last night, so I was mightily unprepared last night.
It's okay, I've already apologized to myself.
I just high-fived myself for trying something new and succeeding.

Then, also this morning, I finished a baby blanket for Jaccob's niece.

Took me a couple of weeks because I got really busy. Wait, you don't believe me, you probably just think I make this shit up. Understandable. But I know I'm better than you.

This was a very simple knit. Next I can't wait to make tiny cardigans for the girl.

And speaking of this baby, here's her and her Uncle Jaccob:

Isn't that the cutest fucking thing ever? He fed her and then handed her to me (I really wanted to hold the precious bundle of meat and bones)... Within the first five seconds of holding her, she threw up. Nearly on me, but it just dribbled out.

I make kids vomit.

It can be a power or weakness.

I guess depending on the situation.

Next, has everyone seen Despicable Me? Good. Well, there's this girl character, Edith, who wears this pink hat. I loved it. So I knitted it. Used a pattern made for super bulky yarn. Had to improvise, but the first strand of pink is smaller than the rest for the reason. I just didn't have enough caring nature in me to go back and fix it.

My most prized knitted possession.

Then there was Christmas.

Everyone here knows how I already feel, but I have great friends whom I love. So I celebrate on their behalf. And I got a lot of thoughtfulness this year. Made me very happy these people are in my lives. For example, here's Fallon.

She surprised me with some great, great gifts.

I guess surprise is for any gift, right?

Anyway. 

Love the fucking shirt.

FUCKING LOVE the pig trash can. Don't want to use it for things I discard because that symbolism clashes, I think. 

And a mug (which I use for tea). 

Everything coincided with being thoughtful. I loved them. 

When I walked in and saw her holding that pig trash can, I honestly squealed, "OMG YAY!"

My girly side comes with a vengeance sometimes.

Next is Alan.

I got him a $30 giftcard to put toward Farcry 3. Don't worry, geeks, he bought it the next day.

Then he got me a knitting book. Not just any book, but something hipster and lovely.

I will resurrect every ball of dead yarn I can.

Jaccob bought me something.

Not just something.

But a something that I FUCKING HATE AND WILL "ACCIDENTALLY" LOSE.

Kidding.

I love it, Jaccob.

He even wrote something in it, but I won't disclose that since I want it to be between us.

Oh, and if you don't know where this journal is from, stop reading my blog.

Kidding. 

I know Scotty, Marina, and Todd definitely won't know.

(It's River Song's journal off Doctor Who.)

Last, but not least, MARINA.

She came to town for Christmas and we kicked it.

We went to Opry Mills in Nashville and acted like girls. Which is stereotypical and wrong of me to say. But I will say we giggled and bought things. Well, WHILE buying things.

He worked at Spencer's. This was supposed to draw people in. It worked.

We bought matching bracelets. 

I totally wasn't at work during this...

That's right, even italics for sarcasm.

My Christmas gift from her :)

I love the raspberry earl tea.

Presents I don't have pictures of are as follows:

- A dug out.

- Fallon also got me a winter-themed rubber duck. (Which is chilling with Halloween, Pirate, and Plain ducks.)

Wow, I thought I had more than that. I suck.

Oh, one day Jaccob and I were at Sonic's.

The carhop brought us our food and pointed to a gentleman pulling out from a spot. She said he paid for our food and "Merry Christmas."

We did the same for a woman.

I poked myself in the eye with Jaccob's penis.

It was dark.

I wasn't sober. That's it. That's my excuse.

I hate those fucking antlers people put on their cars. Especially paired with that ridiculous Rudolph nose.

I haven't finished one book in two weeks.

I've been busy I said!

I've become obsessed with Kings of Leon.

I've also slipped on my diet the past six weeks. Time to bump it again. Jaccob says he doesn't want a slob for a girlfriend.

I'm kidding.

If he ever said that, he wouldn't have a penis.

I would poke a bar through his urethra. 

I am now bored of this and have cheesecake to deliver to family.

BUY GAIS.

Ha, haven't typed that in forever.