River is Snoring and The Earth Shakes A Little Bit

So I've been having one hell of a week. Been cleaning at my mother's; been celebrating my sister's birthday; and I learned that auto mechanics can suck my ass.

Went in for two tire changes, rotation, and an oil change. So they called me up and told me (and I'm paraphrasing here), "Since we're heavily advertising struts and shocks, yours are out and we need 1700 to fix your very fucked up shocks and struts. That will be one-thousand seven hundred dollars." When they tell a lady of twenty-three that she NEEDS to replace something that may cause her to die she kind of freaks. I tried for credit, and so did Jaccob (to help me, the sweetie pie -- AND NO, I did not ask. He just did it.). Then since I had no money to cover the extra 700 I got to thinking about it. I did not want to pay that outrageous fucking amount.
If my dad were alive, he'd turn all red and yell at them.
So, I just had one tire replaced and an oil change.
They all seemed a little saddened that I did not help their income or hours, or fucking paychecks.
Ladies, let that be a lesson. Always make friends with a mechanic so you can always get a second opinion.
My uncle called auto zone to see how much the struts and shocks were. Sixty dollars apiece.
At the place I went to, they wanted nearly six-hundred for the parts alone.
I cannot stress how crooked companies are toward women nowadays. Well, always.
The place I went to was Tech Tune.

So my sister turned TWENTY-FUCKING-YEARS-OLD on Saturday. Makes an older sister feel even older.
I made her a marble cake with four things of frosting to cover the beast and to decorate.

 Oh yeah, that's right. Took me forever and a picture to base that crude icing drawing.
Everyone liked it, aside from my uncle and mother. My mom slapped my arm with a big smile.

 Everyone, go ahead and go, "AWWWWWW."
That's right. In the second picture, her head was on my vagina. She knows where the magic happens. Of course, that could also mean my vagina is so boring that animals and Homo sapiens fall asleep on top of it.
Ouch.

Oh yeah, four four leaf clovers. I think they're overtaking my yard. I found these in like a minute and a half just waiting on River to shit (which she didn't -- she waited until she was in my room and went all out). Then I got bored winning and settled on going outside.

 As I'm typing this, River is curled up in my lap asleep. It's the little things.

I'm usually not sober for me to remember all the funny things. Yet, watching James Bond's Goldenfinger was hilarious and amazing. I really like watching Sean Connery.
Oh, and I also saw Autsin Powers for the first time. Don't judge me. My parents were strict when that movie came out and then I just forgot about it over the years.
It was funny. I would've enjoyed it more, however, if I had first seen it in theaters.
Dr. Evil is the best character.

I want to garden so badly.
But I'm afraid I'll fail at that then make myself depressed.

But, my mother's home and we have some fiscal transactions to take care of.

Later, folks.

The Deal With Baths

Okay, folks, I apologize for my blank mishap with my last post. I got this new google docs app, and it said I could edit and delete posts. To see if that worked, I made that. Then there are two options: one, I'm a fucking moron because I couldn't find out how and I'm too proud to click the question mark, or, two, they're fucking idiots.
That's right, it's the latter.

Right now, Jaccob and I are watching Dr. No. River is in my lap, curled up and sleeping. It's awkward trying to type over her.

So I thought of a new story idea one night, just on the edge of sleep. I think I startled Jaccob when I said, "I just thought of it!" But that was what I intended.
I told him and now he wants to join me.
I like writing sci-fi horror and that's basically what he reads/watches. So whenever I go over those parts, he broadens my ideas to a spectacular level.
So, I told him when we do write it, I'm going to dedicate it to him with, "To Jaccob, my personified imagination."

Okay, I have some unruly obsession with making out lists of the pros and cons of baths and showers.
Surprisingly, they come out about equal.
However, I am a bath girl. I fucking love soaking in some soapy, used (from me) water. I also like to usually smoke a little, but that's neither here nor there. I really miss huge tubs. They're rare in my tiny world, but well appreciated. See, baths, to me, hold some kind of resolution of innate calmness.
Downsides, you're in your own filth. And if you have to shave your pits or something, you kind of marinate with the hairs until you're finished and well saturated with raisin fingers. Plus rinsing hair, especially conditioner, is particularly aggravating.

I have luck. I was at my mother's so when I came in, did my bragging, I put it in the front pocket of my mom's purse. Later on she texted me with, "You forgot your clover."
I replied, "No, I didn't. Have good luck, Mom."
BAM. Sweetest daughter ever.

I bought Street Fighter Monopoly for Jaccob. I kicked his fucking ass. He forfeited because he was in such bad shape financially.

Ha, just brought this in and didn't ask no one's opinion too. I fucking love this shower curtain.

I think this picture accurately describes our relationship.

I went to the book festival Saturday with my sister. Talked to the reoccurring authors, met some new cool ones. Especially this little old man. He was so sweet. My sister and I bought a book apiece. Saw my Intermediate Fiction Professor. And I saw her husband, who I'm going to have to take the semester after next.
We met Amanda's future self with the big southern hat, and the old style southern dress. Make-up right on the spot and everything. Very ladylike. Even wrote a book about flowers being in desserts. 

Jaccob fell asleep and the dog is dream-twitching. I'm in love.
BUT HOW COULD JACCOB SLEEP WITH A POISONOUS SPIDER CRAWLING ALL OVER A HALF-NAKED, SWEATY JAMES BOND.

I have one more entry to make.
Alas, I forgot my material for it. So I might have to wait until I can remember all that I wanted to say. Sorry guys, I know I'm not so much dedicated anymore.
River takes up my spare time and I love to have her to.

Night, folks.

4-24-2013 6_38_10 AM

 

RIVER SONG

 

All these pictures are of my new puppy, River Song. She's one fucking handful. After this, I will never buy a puppy again, but something over 8 months to a year. Needs to happen. Potty training for this dog is one fucking hassel.

She's had so many accidents.

When we first got her, she liked to hold in her poop until it built up to this landfill of stinky, off-colored shit. So, when I would wake up in the morning, there would be up to seven piles of poop. Well, not just wake up. Her shit is the opposite of the smell of spring flowers. No, it's the landfill in the dead of summer. I would have to get up several times, clean up her messes, try to teach her the entire world OUTSIDE of the house is her potty. Just so I don't have to clean it up. She's learning, but sometimes likes to look me in the eye as she does it.

Like when I finally convinced Jaccob to take a cold bath with me. The air was broken for the hottest week of spring thus far (imagine that, cruel karma). We got in the bath, but the amount of adjusting was insane. And when we finally adjusted and realized that we really couldn't move, the dog squatted on my toilet rug, looked me in the eye, and began pissing. She seemed just so happy.

And don't think she hasn't had accidents on the bed. She HAS to sleep with us, and we really did try to avoid this. But, she's done it six times in the three weeks we've had her. When we were in trial with no bed, she climbed up my shoulder while Jaccob and I were joke-texting. I texted, "She's on the bed." So I wanted to look at her and she was pissing. When I yelled out and looked down at my phone to put it down, Jaccob replied, "hahahahahahaha," then got up from his seat beside me to help me.

She likes to try and catch water droplets you flick at her when she keeps wining to get in the tub and when you don't pay attention, she likes to start to attack my new beautiful shower curtain (which will be in a post later).

She doesn't like loud noises. I laughed really loud. She woke up and barked at me until I stopped. When I did, she went back to sleep.

People working the drive-thrus want to touch her and swoon over her. But they're working in food service and I never offer. Or give in.

She farts, all the time. She particularly likes when I cannot roll my windows down because of rain or something and farts those putrid gas pockets like crazy. Makes me want to vomit. 

She hates cords and shoelaces and uses her teeth to show the dislike.

At a little over two months old, her jaw is finally strong enough to make her toy squeak whenever she finds the plastic bubble inside.

She learned her name, "River," the first day I got her.

And that's all I got. I had so much planned yesterday, but we all know how flaky I am. So I am going to go. I am just tired and Jaccob is asleep before me and I want to take advantage of this odd time.