RIVER SONG

 

All these pictures are of my new puppy, River Song. She's one fucking handful. After this, I will never buy a puppy again, but something over 8 months to a year. Needs to happen. Potty training for this dog is one fucking hassel.

She's had so many accidents.

When we first got her, she liked to hold in her poop until it built up to this landfill of stinky, off-colored shit. So, when I would wake up in the morning, there would be up to seven piles of poop. Well, not just wake up. Her shit is the opposite of the smell of spring flowers. No, it's the landfill in the dead of summer. I would have to get up several times, clean up her messes, try to teach her the entire world OUTSIDE of the house is her potty. Just so I don't have to clean it up. She's learning, but sometimes likes to look me in the eye as she does it.

Like when I finally convinced Jaccob to take a cold bath with me. The air was broken for the hottest week of spring thus far (imagine that, cruel karma). We got in the bath, but the amount of adjusting was insane. And when we finally adjusted and realized that we really couldn't move, the dog squatted on my toilet rug, looked me in the eye, and began pissing. She seemed just so happy.

And don't think she hasn't had accidents on the bed. She HAS to sleep with us, and we really did try to avoid this. But, she's done it six times in the three weeks we've had her. When we were in trial with no bed, she climbed up my shoulder while Jaccob and I were joke-texting. I texted, "She's on the bed." So I wanted to look at her and she was pissing. When I yelled out and looked down at my phone to put it down, Jaccob replied, "hahahahahahaha," then got up from his seat beside me to help me.

She likes to try and catch water droplets you flick at her when she keeps wining to get in the tub and when you don't pay attention, she likes to start to attack my new beautiful shower curtain (which will be in a post later).

She doesn't like loud noises. I laughed really loud. She woke up and barked at me until I stopped. When I did, she went back to sleep.

People working the drive-thrus want to touch her and swoon over her. But they're working in food service and I never offer. Or give in.

She farts, all the time. She particularly likes when I cannot roll my windows down because of rain or something and farts those putrid gas pockets like crazy. Makes me want to vomit. 

She hates cords and shoelaces and uses her teeth to show the dislike.

At a little over two months old, her jaw is finally strong enough to make her toy squeak whenever she finds the plastic bubble inside.

She learned her name, "River," the first day I got her.

And that's all I got. I had so much planned yesterday, but we all know how flaky I am. So I am going to go. I am just tired and Jaccob is asleep before me and I want to take advantage of this odd time.