oh, i really have to poop.

So, I took three valium and decided to watch Disney porn.
Apparently Pocahontas has light purple nipples.

[20:18] レイプマン！: omg, i'm watching disney porn, right?
[20:18] レイプマン！: and they have this ariel one.
[20:18] レイプマン！: i was like, "how in the hell would they have sex?
[20:18] レイプマン！: "
[20:18] レイプマン！: turns out, her fins are like a skirt and she can just pull them down like a vagina.
[20:18] レイプマン！: lol
[20:18] レイプマン！: "pull down to a vagina"
[20:18] レイプマン！: haha
[20:18] テイラー: LOL
[20:18] テイラー: WTF
[20:18] テイラー: A DISNEY PORN?
[20:18] テイラー: THEY HAVE THAT>
[20:18] レイプマン！: love it.
[20:19] レイプマン！: pocahontas has light purple nipples.
[20:19] テイラー: ...........
[20:19] テイラー: Ew
[20:19] テイラー: That's... Wtf..
[20:20] レイプマン！: ew goofy.
[20:20] レイプマン！: and ariel.
[20:20] テイラー: EW WHAT?
[20:20] テイラー: DDDD:
[20:20] レイプマン！: this is hilarious.
[20:20] テイラー: I can just picture him doing that gay ass laugh while having sex
[20:20] テイラー: HURR HURR
[20:20] テイラー: DURR
[20:21] テイラー: AHH DURR
[20:21] テイラー: xD
[20:21] レイプマン！: GAWSH THAT'S GREAT.
[20:21] テイラー: LOL

[20:21] テイラー: Did he say that? omfg
[20:21] レイプマン！: no
[20:21] レイプマン！: haha
[20:21] レイプマン！: i just made that up.
[20:21] テイラー: xDDD
[20:21] テイラー: He should say that
[20:21] レイプマン！: lol
[20:21] テイラー: Right now
[20:22] レイプマン！: OMG THE SEAGULL AND ARIEL.
[20:23] テイラー: LOL WHAT?
[20:23] レイプマン！: yeah!
[20:23] レイプマン！: it's over.
[20:23] レイプマン！: i want to download all these paradoies.
[20:24] テイラー: How many are there? lol
[20:24] レイプマン！: i guess one for each movie.
[20:24] レイプマン！: this is just a bunch of randomness in one video.
[20:24] テイラー: Does she just like fuck everyone in the whole movie?
[20:25] レイプマン！: no
[20:25] レイプマン！: it was beauty and the beast too.
[20:25] レイプマン！: has
[20:25] テイラー: Oh? lol...
[20:25] レイプマン！: it's, weird.
[20:25] レイプマン！: especially since that's my favourite movie ever.
[20:25] レイプマン！: ooooh, cinderalla.
[20:25] レイプマン！: except without cinderella.
[20:25] レイプマン！: haha
[20:26] レイプマン！: it's ariel.
[20:26] レイプマン！: wtf
[20:26] テイラー: ...what?
[20:26] レイプマン！: yeah
[20:26] レイプマン！: that old guy from cinderella.
[20:26] レイプマン！: and prince eric.
[20:26] レイプマン！: and then ariel.
[20:26] レイプマン！: in the ball room cinderalla was at
[20:28] レイプマン！: oh man.
[20:28] レイプマン！: it's over.
[20:28] レイプマン！: ahhhhh
[20:29] テイラー: xDD.. That's... wtf
[20:29] テイラー: Where do you find this shit
[20:29] レイプマン！: megaporn.com
[20:30] テイラー: Omg..
[20:30] レイプマン！: what?
[20:31] テイラー: Nothing lol.
[20:31] レイプマン！: haha
[20:35] レイプマン！: i uh
[20:35] レイプマン！: i am uh
[20:35] レイプマン！: i am bored uh

*some of this conversation has been censored ;) because SHE'S paranoid.
Not me.

Helped Casey move in for like forty-five minutes today. Well, just unloaded the truckload she had. And, I picked up this fucking long tub full of odd books. When I was trying to go through the narrow stairway with a plastic tub that was nearly longer than my arms, she said,
Casey - I almost reconsidered bringing those.
Me - Why, because this would be difficult?
Casey - Nooo, because those are my yearbooks.
Me - What?! I'm carrying our youth up these steps?
Casey - yeah, and I'm carrying my stuff in a corona light box.
Me - Hahahahah, that was your youth!

While we were getting more things, she had these ducks walk onto her lawn. I looked her them, confused.
Me - You have a pond? *shifts the boxes in my hands*
Casey - Yeah, right over there. I fed them bread, now they won't leave me alone. They continue to follow me. I think they want to go inside.
Me - You think they will?
Casey - *shrugs*
Me - *goes inside, puts boxes down and as I'm walking out, I hear this guy's voice*
Guy - Sorry, I just want to see if they'll go in my place.
Me - *hears laughing and a dog bark - Casey walking into the doorway, laughing and pointing outside*
Casey - They tried and then the dog chased them out.

those eggs did suck

Okay. Yesterday, at work, wasn't that bad. Not at all.
Thanks to FB, Pedro remembered I existed and we had lunch together. He also invited me to a party next week. On a thursday of all days, haha.
I'm begging Casey to go with me... It'll be awkward because I know no one. You know that feeling?
BTW, only reason I got ANOTHER facebook (I had one way back when you were only invited to one by college students, ha!) was because Casey and me had a bet. She won. Fuck.

AND.
Some funny convos for your pleasure.

1:18amMe
I don't know. You always seem to like the bitches.

1:20amCasey
Bitches don't really raft
lol
or climb, or hang with grandmothers and dogs.

1:20amMe
lol
you sounded black
"bitches don't"

1:21amCasey
bitches don't act BLACK

1:21amMe
lol

1:21amCasey
bitches don't mess with me
lemme ax youa questin

1:21amMe
'sup?

Or maybe it was funnier in the moment?
Okay, one more.

Casey
http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100000122322826
of course :):) and I'm damn good at it.

1:44amMe
OMG I KNOW
hahaha!
A** CHICK
i love how she censored herself.
i wanted to add her.
then i'm like, "naw."

1:44amCasey
LOL
she says FUK

1:46amMe
I LOVE HOW SHE TYPES IN ALL CAPS.

1:46amCasey
BLACK PEOPLE DO THAT.
THEY HAVE TO GET THEIR POINT ACROSS.

1:46amMe
WHY? FOR POWER ISSUES?
HAHA.

1:47amCasey
I GUESS SO.

1:47amMe
EVEN IN MY HEAD, I'M YELLING THIS.

1:47amCasey
THAT'S WHY THEIR MUSIC IS LOUD, AND SO ARE THEIR CLOTHES.
THEY THINK CAUSE THEIR DARK WE CAN'T SEE THEM.

munch munch munch

Me - you know, africa never gets a break.
marina (black) - what?
Me - they don't get a break from ... hardships.
marina - *laughs so hard she bends over* yeah, i'm so glad you guys brought us over. i couldn't imagine myself dusty and naked.

ahhhhh.

So, there's this one really nice, cute guy who works where I work. I knew he took drugs, several, because one day, while waiting for the manager to open the doors for us, he got jittery, bit his nails, started tensing up and smacking his thigh, repeatedly, VERY impatient. Kind of like pre-cocaine jitters.
Yesterday night, me and Marina were sitting there and he groaned. Marins turned and asked him how his head was.
He replied, "It's busting." He bent over and put his palms to them. "It's these lights."
Marina joked, "You high?"
Me, "Yeah, are you on something?"
Marina looked at me and smiled, "I was kidding."
I looked at her, "I wasn't."
He mentioned how he was smoking a lot more from his bong... And, I was like, uh, that wouldn't be it... And I know he's on something stronger, he's just not going to admit it.

No one believes I smoke.
Fuck it.
I do look 12-years-old, but it shouldn't matter.

molly can get her kisses from you.

AHHHHHH.
Wonderful day.
Started out shitty, but it turned out like the smell of an Iris. Anyone ever smell those bitches?
Like heaven in your senses.
Okay.
Me and Casey kicked it at some Japanese restaurant because we wanted sushi. When I got there, waiting for her ass, everyone kept staring at me. Me being paranoid, I thought it was because I was alone. Blah blah... Then they finally told me, five minutes before, that the kitchen closes in FIVE MINUTES. I felt so bad. I hated working restaurants for that reason. I kept apologizing.
The waiter kept antagonizing us to hurry, blah blah. We ate in a hurried fashion, kind of sitting there. He even had the audacity to make small talk and then just bluntly ask, "Hey, is there anyway I could get you two to pay for this now so I can do my paperwork?"
He did, later on, apologize to us about rushing us. We accepted. I think it's because we left him a near-ten dollar tip.
But it was fun. Afterwards, since I had some time to kill, we sat in Casey's truck and made jokes, watched people, blah. She convinced me to get a facebook. Which I don't want, but I will TRY FOR A WEEK, like a demo.

Picked up my sister from school.
WE SAW KICK-ASS.
Okay. Okay.
Awesome fucking movie.
Awesome, awesome, awesome.
I give a 7.5/10.
I didn't like that fucking girlfriend.
I didn't like PARTS of the ending.
I didn't like the pace of the movie (too quick, bypassed a lot of bonding moments with other characters in the story).
And Christopher Mintz-Plasse's evil side could have been better.
But, shit, wow.
Fucking adored it.
Want to go again.

Oh, coming back from the movie, there was this late-thirties man sitting in his car, both windows down, just begging for it. Me, I asked my sister if he'd turn over if I blasted old 80s rock.
He barely glanced.
grrrr.

oh god i hate that

Oh jesus christ I had an odd dream.
With rabid people-eaters.
That's not perverted.

It had Kyle, me, Claire from A Macabre Story and some guy who looked like Kramer from Seinfeld. Anyway.
Me, Kyle and Claire had stepped outside and realized it was oddly quiet. As we were walking around we went into my old house so they could get something to drink and use the bathroom. When we broke in, I kept urging them to hurry before the cops would notice.
Blue flashing lights were in the window before we ran out of there, deciding to go to the mall next.
There it was full and all Kyle and Claire wanted was some more drink. As they did so I noticed something odd. People running and these weird, crazed people chasing them.
Next thing I remember was holding up in some stock room, wondering what to do, how to do anything. Kyle and Me were standing there and I asked where Claire was. He pointed to the other end of the stock room where all those people were.
I had to get her, to save her.
I ran from the stock room to the backdoors, pressing buttons. A zombie beside me had a crowbar, trying to pry open the door. When he saw me, he dropped it and started after me. I screamed, ducking into the open door just in time. I found Claire and some old man.
I told them what to do, how to protect themselves. Then Kramer showed up.
He had ran first. The monster had been waiting and when Kramer ran out to open the door for us, the thing had pressed a button, releasing this pale green slime. Kramer had been screaming and his skin started to smoke, melt away.
Although he had died, me, Claire and the old man made it back to the stock room, closing the door on several monsters.
They were skinny, the monsters, had red eyes and bloodied lips. They snarled for sound.
I walked up to the old man, making sure he was okay. The old man kept thanking me, taking my hand and smiling up at me. In the middle I heard him scream, the Claire. Kyle ran up and told me to run, they got inside.
I looked back to the old man, a monster was on his neck.
I looked around for Claire and the monsters had her at her neck and legs, chewing.
I woke up.

Aside from work being the most boring fucking thing on this planet, nothing has happened.
I've been too depressed lately to even breathe. It's awful.
I can't help but think no one likes me and all their stares and 'polite' smiles are cover-ups for the hatefulness towards me. Am I that awful?
Maybe it's just the depression, I don't know.
I seriously already hate Target and it hasn't even been a month. NOT EVEN A MONTH and I hate my job.

Right now I'm so fucking hungry.
I could eat a horse.
There's nothing in the house. Nothing. Everything would need something else that we don't have. I want mac and cheese, but that would require a lot more than I'm willing to give.
Fuck it. I'll just talk back to my stomach when it growls.

why does it do that?!

I had several dreams last night. Most of them careless and boring. Some of them so boring I didn't go back to sleep until I was for sure I wouldn't just dream it over again.

First
Me and a friend were walking downtown, at night, and decided to visit the old dam. AS we were trying to sneak in, this car pulled up with three girls, our age, in it. They threatened us and made us accompany them to the dam. Me and my friend just shrugged it off. We had went up and down stairs, ending up at dead ends.
And, finally, after what felt like an hour of searching, we found it. They roamed their flashlight across the ground and it was just mud. When you stuck your foot into it, it would just sink. We were at another dead end, and dead climax.
Then we heard this cat meow. Thinking it was a stray, we tried to go back to their car. No matter which way we tried, we always ended up back at the mud hole.
The cat meowed at us again, going down a set of stairs we hadn't seen before. We followed it until it stopped at a ledge, with only a wood leading to the other ledge, where we needed to be to get to the car.
We were beginning to crawl across it before I started to slip.

Second
Too sad to mention. Some guy called me fat and throughout the dream, I couldn't escape it.

Third
Too sick and perverted to lay the details out.

Fourth
There had been this giant snake. His name started with an 'S.' (I cannot remember the full name, although I had said it several times through the dream.) I had been the size of a doll, trying to tip-toe past the snake's lair. He had slithered out so quickly, I didn't even see him until his face was in mine. He wiggled his tongue and said, "I'm hunnnggrryyyyy."
"I'm very sorry."
"You're just the right size."
"I'm afraid I'm not."
In a blink he had coiled and his fangs wide open, fixing to swallow me, alive. Until these dolls, my friends, came and distracted him. He uncoiled me and I ran away, to the living room, where I returned to normal size. My father was standing there and I, weak, sat on the couch. "Dad, dad, there's a snake underneath the stove!"
I saw Molly start to sniff at the stove and got worried
"Dad, get Molly away-- The S snake is under the stove!"
"Hahahaha, Heather, really, S?"
I saw something jerk out then back into the stove and Molly made some awful noise. I stood. "Dad, it just bit Molly!"
I kept hearing Molly's shrieks and I started to cry, "We have to take her to the vet Now! She's going to die, S is very poisonous!"
I woke up.

See? Very boring.

you are cute

I FINALLY reinstalled my webcam. It's been, what, one, two months since I've gained my computer back. I really have no use for this sucker. It's pointless.
I do, however, like those little filters. Especially the horror movie one. As you can see.
Don't judge my apparel... I'm really fucking cold and the sweater adds one-hundred pounds. Doesn't it? I know I'm not exaggerating.
Oh, and don't say shit about my hair. I haven't fixed it tonight because why in the hell would I fix it and then just sleep on it?


Ha!

that is making me feel odd

I'm finishing up American Psycho. It's possibly one of the best books I have read in my lifetime so far and I'm not kidding.
The only thing is, when he starts describing the killing scenes... I actually wanted to vomit a couple of times. Literally, I would be dry heaving while reading more and more. That takes a bit for me, too. I love horror, I love reading people killing people, but Ellis, holy shit. This man. I question him.
I cannot wait until I finish so I can go read interviews about the book, rewatch the movie and then balance my checkbook.
My online bank account says I'm eighty-bucks ahead - it's been like for a week. I haven't spent money to see if it would go down, something would come up.
Nothing, nada.
And I checked everything, I can't find a problem.
I'll just keep it there, not recorded. Just incase, you know?

So, I have this story, and I don't want you all's views or opinions affect the way you JUDGE me, understand?
A couple of days ago, I was complaining about 'zoning' the girls/women/teen sections because all the clothes look alike and I never shop so it's hard for me to judge anything. As I say this, my sister looks up from her computer and asked, "Okay, Heather, let's be honest with ourselves," she chuckles, "are you a lesbian?"
My mother's eye flinch over, but she just waits.
"Yes, yes I am!"
Amanda laughs and that's it.
A night later, as I'm passing my mother in her chair, she stops me with, "Heather, were you serious yesterday?"
I stop and give her a look, "What? About what?"
"Being a lesbian, were you serious?" My mother has no trace of funny on her face.
"Uh, maybe," I laugh and start to walk away, again.
"Heather, I'm serious! Are you really?!"
"OMG, MOM, is this because I don't date?"
"No!"
"It is, you just thought about it..." I was thinking of me and Cricket... And it would make sense, if me and Cricket had ever gotten that close - which we NEVER did.
"No, I would just like to know."
"Yeah, I am," I laugh.
"Whatever, Heather." And she chuckles.

No, really, I am... But I think it would be the most awkward thing for my parents to know. I may say I like guys, but really, I think I just feel OBLIGATED to like them, since it's the 'hot thing' amongst my age range.
I like girls.
I like staring at girls.
I like liking girls.
Hahaha.
I think that story was the best coming out story, ever.
Me and Casey were talking about it, before that story had happened, and I just flatly said, "A penis maks me gag. Imagining a guy on me makes me want to take a shower. They make me feel wrong, awkward and dirty. They're just awful."

Don't worry, my mom prefers me to be gay. It's my father who has the problem and, personally, I don't care.

eye of the tiggeerrrrrr

A little girl, yesterday, thought I was a guy.
Ugh.

Uhhh, no

I had the oddest dreams last night. I had one nightmare and one that just happened for the sake of happening.

Nightmare
The first thing I remember was I had been summoned to do this "television thing."
So, I went to the mall, seeing as how that's where they wanted to meet up. They drove us to this little house, two stories. I had been grouped with several people. Only three I really remember - some short-haired girl, another girl who had longer hair and a guy. Ha.
The "society" who grouped us, put us through vigorous tests. One had been to shoot one of us and leave him dead, another had been to drug us and when the short-haired girl found a semi-exit, three men in black coats and black shades came bursting through the door.
They all had guns pointing at us.
The bland girl ran for it, crying.
The short-haired girl pointed her gun at them.
Me, I stared, chest hurting from an anxiety attack, ran too.

The next part switched to me being in my apartment, living life normally, like that shit never happened and, suddenly, that short-haired girl knocked on my door.
I was surprised she was still alive.
"They're coming," she said, "hide this."
She shoved the gun in my couch cushion and ran out through the door. I ran to the door to see what the fuck was happening.
Suddenly, those same three men came in and I started to back up. I stopped when I ran into my kitchen table.
"You ran," the leader said, gun pointed right at my face.
I nodded, "But I thought---"
"If you run, you automatically die." He had a deep voice, with a slight German accent.
I covered my eyes with my hands and said something muffled before I heard that gunshot. In that moment I wondered what death would feel like, how it would feel to be shot in the head. There had been a gust of wind on my face and I woke up, not feeling tired at all.
It took me a bit to fall back asleep.

A Dream to be the sake of A Dream
I had been living with three girls in some apartment. Next door were two guys, one, Pedro, who you all know.
Bills were coming in and all my money was running out. Then, I learned, that Dir en grey were having a concert in upstate New York.
With all my depression, money issues, bills and the need to get out there and have some type of an adventure, my friend pushed me to go.
We had no car and she said we'd just walk to New York, that it wouldn't be a problem.
There were some issues on the way.
We moved a ladder for my friend so she could step down and when we moved it, there were lizards and we hid them from her, seeing as how she was scared.
We saw old friends from high school, which I thought was weird, because it was New York, why would old high school friends be there.
After awhile, I kept asking where the hell were we and how long... My friend replied, "We've been in NY for ten days."
"WHAT, AND WE HAVE YET TO GET A HOTEL?"
(hahahahah, that sounds like me)
Then I start to look around and note how it doesn't really look like the NY in movies.
And, then, hair a mess, stinking, clothes dirty, we end up at the stadium and buy tickets. The show's not until later that night, so I'm trying to persuade my friends to buy us a hotel room so I could get washed up.
They were blowing me off when I woke up.

there are five comments, whatttt

For the first time ever, I have been drinking.
Well, first time ever, drinking adn then posting.

It's kicking in, I dare say.
I had my first REAL day at Target.
Somewhat amusing, somewhat boring.
I had the jitters for a good portion of... Hate that.
Tomorrow, maybe not, but I know for a fact that Saturday I will be. Seven hours straight and I have NO IDEA what to do.
IS that sad?
Yeah, why not.

The guy who trained me seemed completely useless to society. He was very imcompetent. More so than most people I work with.

Oh dear lord.

Oh! I watchen 'Tarzan' today. I miss that movie.
Fucking decade shit Disney does.
Beauty and the Beast is coming out soon on DVD. I'm considering buying it and having movie night with Pedro with it.
Or just literally rub it in his face and laugh manically.
Is that the word? I can never remember.

Fuck, I still have to take out my contacts.

Did it, and I'm tired.
Ready for bed.
Hope you all have a pleasant and safe tomorrow.

ps - shit, still don't feel like posting pics.

i can't even sit up.

I have no inspirtation.
I have nothing to make funny anymore.
I have nothing.
You think that's depressing, psh.

I am no longer an item with Kroger.
Quit that shit faster than ... well, I don't have anything to finish that.
So, I guess I quit that faster than my humor.
I work at Target now, which seems to impress everyone I talk to. I don't see why. Is it a secret club? A magical portal to the most awesome shit to ever happen to humanity? Target is a classier walmart and Kroger was a walmart wannabe. Where's the middle ground?

I discovered a new addiction of mine: Valium.
Works for some, jizzs on the other's faces. Excuse me, the eye. Jizz in the eye.
I have two couring through me as I type. I took a shower at my peak.
The single most awesome experience of my life - better than being so high I couldn't walk. Now, now all I want to do is lay on my bed, pretend it's a cloud and float away.
Float the fuck away.
No anger, no stress. Just me and serenity.
It's remarkable.
Can you tell I haven't smoked weed in two months? Over two fucking months.
A new record.
Hallelujah?

I have NEW knitted items.
Pictures later.
I don't think I have the energy.
Or maybe I do?










No, I lied, I don't.