The Arena of Losers

So, I'm in the kitchen and I began to play You Took The Words Right Out of My Mouth by Meatloaf. My sister was all, "Shut it off! You have headphones! That song sounds completely gay!"
(I used all those exclamation points to make her seem gay.)
So, I finally go get my headphones because she won't shut up about it.
A little while later, as she's leaving, I hear her lowly sing, "You took the words right out of my mouth...."
I stopped, turned around and said, "OOOOOOOOOOOH!"
Then me and my mother began singing it.

Yesterday I had some advice for guys that I inadvertently said to Fallon:
Fallon - So I was thinking of Christmas presents the other day.
Me - And?
Fallon - I miss when my husband used to write poems for me.
Me - I just wish he'd more corny. I hate admitting that. Because if he fucks you then he should put out emotionally.
Fallon - Lol.
Me - I know I'm right. And although some girls put up a rough front, they love a little emotion. I'll admit that's why I love yaoi.
Guys, heed my advice. I'm always right. Jaccob will agree, won't you, HONEY BEAR?

I should be studying for biology but I can't figure out how. Sad.

I am now listening to some old school Big Bang.

I was over at Todd's and said something about not going to class tomorrow because of how tired and behind I am in certain places. He said he could write me a note. I said, "Oh, please, daddy?!"
Below is what ensued:

Sadly, I had to leave shortly thereafter and I received an e-mail from Todd saying:

Let me start by saying Jake is fast asleep.  Below is his note.

Dearest Supervisor or "Boss,"

My dear son cannot report to duty on November 8th in the Year of our Lord, 2012.  Many factors play into his inability or preform menial labor for subservient wages.

First, he's as close to having a venereal disease as possible without actually having one.  his new girl has been riding him hard of late, bruising and chaffing him to vicious degrees.

Secondly, there is a certain dildosity to the team which he cannot always tolerate.

Thirdly, he has been grief stricken by the current state of political unrest aka the election.

Surely you can understand that this vile combination of raw dogs, dildos, and failed political dreams could ravage anyone's drive to work.

God bless!
Daddy

High-five, Todd, high-five.

Waiting for 日本語のクラス we were all discussing Minecraft. Then I said I could build houses for hours on SIMS. Someone said something about Woohoo on SIMS.
This dude spoke up with he never played SIMS enough to know about that.
Me - You've never had sex on SIMS?
Dude - No. I think I played SIMS 1 and burned my waffles. Then I got pissed. I just went to my neighbors, pissed them off and then excommunicated myself from the community because I burned my waffles. If I hadn't of burned my waffles then I would probably be playing it right now.

Today the wonderful Fallon helped me with my math. I LOVE YOU FOR IT. And all the while she was using her phone as a calculator. Suddenly this random song lowly played in the background. She then stops speaking in the middle of her sentence and checking all her pockets. She starts to panic and then checks her jacket pockets. She then says, "Okay, give me a minute, I need to find my phone."
I give her a confused look and then slowly scoot up her phone clearly on the table to her. "You mean this, right here?"
She stops and does "headdesk."

SCIENCE DID THIS ON A LEAF.

AWESOME ANONYMOUS DID THIS AT WORK.

DUN DUN DUNNNNNN.

Shit-on-Ho

Saturday was pretty okay.

I went to work where the ad was easy (because I'm too smart for it, really).

Got off, went to run but the treadmill kept fucking with the breakers in the garage (they don't get along). So, I only got fifteen minutes in.

Let's see, what else....

I feel like I met someone at Barnes and Noble. Geeez, fuck, who was it? It was a he, but feminine. He was sort of tall and can be construed as a jack ass. He doesn't deliver punch lines well and thinks he's a punk. Oh yeah, Jaccob... I went to Barnes and Noble with Jaccob.

He was trying to find a book and I wanted to recommend one but my books are kind of on the "I'm proud a woman" side and most of them don't have slaughter or really weird ideas with horns, because that's what he bought. So, we walk around and mingle in the Christian section. He tells me what the book covers mean (mostly obedient women to their husbands) and then he comes up with, "Hey, we should buy books that we'll hate."

And we bought one for each other.

His was a great choice:

In Praise of Stay-at-Home-Moms

In case you couldn't tell, we drew on her... Although that is probably her true form. I drew the ears, cool facial hair, and the weird ears. Scotty drew the background and the horn (The Last Unicorn inspiration).

I've been highlighting and taking notes. When it's finished, I'll maybe write some down, but depends how pissed this woman makes me at the end.

Then I went to Todd's to watch them game and take notes for the "leader."

It was good -- too bad I wasn't in the game for comedic relief.

Then Jake took my phone and texted Alan with it... This is the conversation we all worked on below.

*IF YOU'RE SQUEAMISH AND EATING, DON'T FUCKING READ IT*

Upon seeing that, I exclaimed at Alan, "One out of six fucking pages?!"

(And for those who are observant, I finished the screen shots this morning -- that's why the time stamps are different.)

Then, soon after, I became so tired that I believed I was going to start hallucinating. I was actually, at one point, scared to drive home.
Then the little bit of adrenaline I had kicked in and I made it, but damn, the drive home at 230AM was very rough. Almost like I was drunk driving home -- that's what it felt like.

IN OTHER NEWS....
My stomach lining is a little bitch and can't stomach a beer anymore. FUCK YOU. That's okay though because I still have my lungs.

So, I decided I'm going to carve a fucking pumpkin. First on the list... Get a fucking pumpkin.

HALLOWEEN NEXT MONTH.
Decided that, for my costume, I'm probably going to be a 1950s housewife - create a theme for my life. Have a pin that has a book on it with a red line through it... Books make chicks think.

I think therefore I am ending this post.

Jane Austen

If only she knew they had a festival in her name.

So, today was the big day and I really enjoyed myself. The tea party was fucking fantastic. I mean, it was amazing, awesome, spectacular, awe-inspiring, or simply wonderful.

Ack, it was so adorable! The tea menu nearly broke the charcoal that is my heart. We got a corner table to overlook the tea -- that was awesome. We went to a historic house and had information thrown at us. Then we went to see horses (which I hadn't been close to a horse since I was a toddler). Then we got to see the hottest guy working for them do the "Dressing Mr. Darcy" and star in "A Gentleman's Duel" (sadly, it's with guns, not swords).

I bought nothing which is strange for me, but there was nothing I really wanted. If I sewed, it would have been the shit there. The. Shit.

And we severely parched ourselves in the summer heat so we went to concessions WHICH cheat you. They had apples for 2/1. I grabbed one. The woman told me she couldn't give change. I said I had 50 cents. She then stupefied herself and Fallon ended up giving her a dollar. So, I had two fucking apples. Why in the hell? It made me angry that they forced shit on you. AND, I asked whether or not the apples were washed and every worker turned and gave me a look. THAT IS A FUCKING VALID QUESTION. Snotty kids and their snotty parents man-handled the fruit. So, I wasted some of my water on my TWO DAMN APPLES. I got full and not pleasantly so.

So, the three of us had a bonding moment:
Louisville is swamped with their mundane decision of paving every fucking ramp in the city leading southbound. Took the three of us TWO HOURS. TWO. HOURS. TWO. TWO. HOURS. to find a way out. We were all getting so stressed because Becky's GPS was being a little bitch. So, I had to use mine to find Watterson Express. By the way, going there from where we were led us through Louisville's Red Light District. So happy it was a Sunday and the sun was up.
Wasn't funny then, but it's getting to be funnier with time.

They also said I was very polite.
Best compliment ever - wasn't being sarcastic when I said it then too.

But, sisters, thank you for allowing me to come.

Saturday night was game night.
It was an okay game.
One more to go and then I can geek on the ending. That's right, spoilers for everyone who doesn't give a shit.
Scotty and I went to buy a large stick of cookie dough for the guys. We betted three penis jokes. Jake and Todd only rolled in two. Disappointed.
Uhhhh, funny shit went down but hell if I can recall it now. Oh, the microwave!
Me - Does the microwave give a loud ding?
Scotty - Wouldn't it be cool if the microwave dinged and then said, *he lowered his voice to a growl*, "I'm done."
All of us - *turn to Scotty with a 'wtf' face on*
Todd - *laughs* Or has some special feature that when it's 3AM, it says *growling out* "It's three AM."

I arrived home around 1:16AM saturday night. Had to wake up at 6AM for this trip. Didn't really get to sleep until close to three. So, I did all this on close to three hours of sleep (my mother woke me up at 5:50AM, worried I'd be late) and still kept my shit together. HA, FATE, FUCK YOU. Sadly, though, I am feeling the nausea of being tired.

Alan texted me today:
Alan - You ever seen the clown at Walmart that hides from gay people?
Me - No?
Alan - Exactly :p
Bam.

And, I wiggle my nose and *poof.*

What A Fun Night

May - Daddy, you're not buckled! You're not buckled!
Me - *turning to the kid* Well, see, May, your dad is an anarchist.

There are more conversations that I cannot remember ... Story of my life.

This is Zoey, Todd and Alura's cat. She's in my purse, just cuddled in there. I thought it was adorable, but no one is really allowed to show affection on her.

Game was good last night. I got some speaking parts - which I think I talked too much for my character, but whatever. I'm thinking of a master plan to thwart all the other characters. I'm purposely a bitch and I love it. Of course, I still cooperate, Todd, I do. You know I do. The game is taking on a sci-fi turn and I'm loving it. There's some time vortex shit happening and I'm in love. I really want this a book - it'll be good.

FYI, Todd-ster, I have no idea where I'm going with Hex. Ha. I am winging it all the way.

TODAY, I went to Becky's house again where I proceeded to oversee them knitting. Becky is my star pupil (haha, Fallon). She's really took it on and just basically learns the technique and then masters it. Fallon IS DOING WELL TOO. Slow and steady wins the race, girl.

This is Fallon's first square in knitting. It was very good! I am so proud ;( Makes me happy I'm teaching. The yearning for friend knitters has been strong with this one. Ha. Ha. Ha. Wish Becky's kids didn't unravel hers so I could have two to show. I am so proud it hurts.

Sharoll, their Mother-in-law, taught me how to make a straight line on the sewing machine. Very excited. Makes me very, very happy. I want to line the insides of my purses and I want to sew quilts. Quilting excites me, believe it or not.

I accomplished that and am happy with my lines. I was once afraid, but now I see. I do hope she doesn't mind me tagging along in this sewing endeavor. I just really want to learn how to quilt. OH IF I WAS 70-YEARS-OLD.

Wow, I need to start carrying around a pad and paper for blog entry.
Journalist in training.

In other news....

Shotgun!

Todd and I, outside of the gaming atmosphere, have been arguing about the "death" of House, the antagonist of the game. Well, it's actually one-sided because he listens to me raving about it and either shakes his head or just says, "Okay." I say he's not dead because it's halfway in the game and I thought it was weird. It's tying in nicely (I'm impressed, Todd-ster) but I knew something else had to happen.
Today, this happened:
Todd - Want a hint about the game?
Me - Oh, that he's still alive?
Todd - No, he got shot in the face. He's dead.
Somehow, this tickled me. It was in such a matter-of-fact tone.
Todd, I do want to write up some of the scenes of the game - especially last night's with the bar talk.

So.
My mother left their work legal pad out with a pen just lying on top of it. What is a girl to do but write a line of a song, then decide that wasn't good enough and write a primary poem:

Leave my girly handwriting alone.
My mom saw it as she passed, raised her head to me and said, "Really Heather?"

I'm thinking of drinking tonight - let's hope my stomach allows me to. I am tired of vomiting and having to take acid pills but boredom overrides health most days.

I'm going to eat and then read.
I am so cool I should wear sunglasses at night.

Around the riverbend

I had a great time with the guys last night. No drama at all -- that's how I like it. I like that I cannot even keep up with the funny conversations. That's all they do. Todd is the ringleader (yeah, I said it) and I am the fucking psychological needs to Maslow's Theory. Fuck you, this works.

Anyway.
For the past two games our characters received little green cards with directions on them. No other character is allowed to see them or know. So, I was sitting there, setting up shop, when Jake asked me if he could read my cards. I said he could only read the first one. He did. A little while later, he said to me, "You can't read my cards."
I squinted my eyes, "Why not?"
"I don't want you to."
I said something in the lines of "challenge accepted."
When the pizza arrived, I went to his envelope, which he had been protecting, and quickly grabbed the card.
Written there was, "Haha jokes on you."
I have been bested people. Fucking CHECKMATE. FUCKING CHECKMATE.
I wrote "Fuck" on it.

I was so tired. I went to the kitchen that night and walked around. I leaned on the counter and the next thing I know my head is down. I was nearly in my REMs when someone laughed and I woke up. Driving home was a giant blunder. Alex kept me awake though, but I was kind of swerving. Fun times.

Please tell me there's no pot in these cookies

I am so making this before Todd. Hopefully. (Man, this iPad is about a foot and a half away from me and I still needed my glasses.)

Leader: Todd
Players: Me, Jake, Alan, and Scotty

The game went really well. The entire night we went from going to bed to a cameraman rolling away in his little car. I am still trying to get the hang of it, you know, knowing what the leader of the game wants me to do. Like I said, I have this thing about writing and it gets in the way of progressing the story. Bad Heather. Bad.

It's funny though -- Alan is a detective and he said that, since he was getting done with his other ones, that he was going to go to the casino where we (the characters) met. Well, Todd starts tuning in the "Inspector Gadget" theme song. It tickled me so much that I'm laughing about it now, after my fit of laughter at the table. What I want to know is how the guys didn't think that was fucking hilarious like I did.
http://youtu.be/e-JHfXVlkik

I was knitting. Jake asked me, "Do you get drunk, wake up and then say, 'Oh man, what did I knit?!'"
First time someone has asked me.
For a serious answer, no, I don't, because I can't count.

Jake went through my music on my iPad and found my Disney playlist. Well, wasn't like I was hiding it, but still. I should be more aware of my embarrassing girly moments for the public.

One conversation they had was what if Bruce Willis "Die Hard" WAS in Family Matters. Imagine the bloody tank-topped man mowing the lawn, waving at the neighbors.
(They had more comments but I completely forgot.)

Although this wasn't funny to the guys, I think it's adorable and smile-worthy:
Amanda - *walks into kitchen and picks up one of two comics* Hey, this one is the same as this one.
Me - Yeah, Mom buys like four at a time.
Amanda - Oh. I have already read these then. *she looks down at the same comic* Here, spot the difference, you go first! *she puts them side by side*
IT WAS CLEVER AND FUNNY DAMMIT.

A Lot of Time

Todd did beat me to this entry. I guess that respect I earned last time has been handed down to him, which sucks. For someone who was upstairs in less than a second after we said bye had time to make a blog entry. Tsk tsk. He would rather be red-eyed and sick-feeling.

Whatever, we played "Agricola." Which was a good game, I could see how, if you had your shit together, it would be mildly fun. Of course, I was beat by everyone, including Mac, Todd's 8-year-old son. Judge me on your lowest moments, haha. I did have fun. I was in the negatives. I kept forgetting to stock on the food. How can one simply forget the nutrients?

I went to Chuck's and bought vodka for tomorrow while I do my homework. Let's hope I don't start making monkey jokes while writing on how man became civilized. I do hope I remembered to catch them all before I turned that shit in.

Sadly, no funny conversations since Todd is my only true friend in his little group of comrades. Well, come Monday I am going to put "Stephanie" on the "Need a Name Tag List."

That name forever haunts me.

what! a woodpecker?!

I finally remember to post about Saturday night. Don't get your panties in a bunch, I wasn't smoking or drinking. The life of a saint, I know... But, I was at Todd's and we played his RPG game.. Well, started our ten installment adventure more I like it. It's a pretty good set up I think. He has this story set up to work off our character's regrets.
My character:
Name - Jackleyn Smith (Todd misspells my purposely misspelled name every time.)
Regret - Alicia Something (I am so bad at remembering anything.)
Anger - Children
Occupation - A high class escort in Las Vegas (eat that shit, yo)

So far, I don't know what I'm going to do about my character and Alicia. I'm trying to work out a story, and a little something I can write up for Todd and be more prepared than the guys. ha! You read it first here and I stick by it. FYI, Todd-ster, I have been thinking of her personality - I make her quiet on purpose, not because it's my second game.

I have a problem with taking over some things. I am not trying to be egotistical, but with this gaming thing I am always trying to divert Todd's way of leading it, unintentionally. Haha, it's the writer in me, really.

Okay, this is going to sound really pathetic, but I am trying to make more friends than just Marina (but you're great, sex kitten). I need more options, which sounds like just an accessory, I know. Ha, sometimes I sound so emotionless. Anyway, I did meet Fallon, but she intimidates me sometimes because of her brilliance but she has that same corny sense of humor I do have and no one understands until they've known/read me for awhile. Then, Todd, he's/you're awesome, but he's/you're busy and I need someone my age with my availability. Todd does have a friend, Jake, who's pretty cool, yet I feel as if I am being an aggravation rather than friend material. I want another guy friend. Girls are good, but let's be honest: I am not very girly. I need to work on my jokes. Okay, okay, stop trying to tell me I'm already hilarious, I know. I just make really morbid/mean jokes without thinking (part of my emotionless trait).

So, my mother found this necklace in her coat pocket. She found this weird because one, she doesn't wear necklaces, and two, she hasn't worn that particular coat for a month or so... She tells me this and says, "I want your first thought on this necklace, okay?" She then turns to Amanda and asks her to get it.
As my sister fetches it, I turn to my mother and say, "No matter what I'm going to say it's bad, it's hideous. Prepare yourself."
Amanda comes back with a white, kind of neck choker necklace that has rainbow colors every few white pieces. I laugh, saying, "This looks like you got it at a gay pride parade."
My mother laughs, "You know, Amanda didn't bother to tell me that Gage or Corey had worn my coat and they might have stuck it in there."
Mystery solved because those two boys are gay together.

I just found Alien Ant Farm's song "Glow."
When I was 17-years-old this was the shit to sing to, in English.

So, I am very excited to take a bath in my freshly scrubbed bathtub. Is it sad that I look forward to that?

And my sister is fucking excited she bought a house on Skyrim. I feel as if that game will cheapen the real experience.

that was amusing.

My sister has two friends over. They are all playing Battle Field 3. What's amusing is they've never played. Cory, one friend, was driving a jeep until something disabled it. He then starts running away and comes across this giant bulldozer and wonders if he can drive it.
Cory - I will be unstoppable!
Amanda - Until you hit a wall.
Haaaaaaaaaaa.

Last night I went to Todd's to work on our (Me and Jake's) gaming characters. Eventually Todd realized that he will be working on mine because I'm lazy and don't really want to understand all of it right now. That's right. NOT RIGHT NOW. Besides, Todd, if I didn't want to do it, don't you think I would tell you?
So, we played an awesome game - it's apparently similar to Balderdash. Fuck, I forgot the name, but it was fun. I kept my little stories with the words because it makes me laugh thinking about, "His espouse."
Hahaha, "Heather, it's a verb."

"The man felt something funny in his edifice. It was purloin, portend, and attenuate. He called his espouse. She agreed it was purloin, portend, and attenuate - the espouse did."

"The prisoner was afoot, not affable in his surroundings. He arrogated the gates and was happy about his enmity. He was not happy with being successfully abrogated - he was shocked."

"The bourgeois man, the alchemist, served an usurp position. The usurp position was the debility to efface his boss with his super genius. The alchemist won with this bourgeois."

Some of those I actually got right. Todd, after the third, brought in scattergories and some awesome game with naming different figures of history with clues. Forgot its name too. He said, "Time to play something less pretentious." I am only good with anything authors and even then I failed.
"An American author."
Wth?
Sometimes I feel like the giant sore. Haha. I know nothing useful. But, fuck, if you want to know about how to knit a sweater, I'm there.

Aw, my sister's other friend came to say hi, the third one. How sweet. I also asked her to press from Amanda where my sister would like to spend the night out on her 19th b-day. We'll see how my surprise works, haha.

Anyway. I have to write an essay. I miss the days of bullshitting; it's an art.