I've Been Running on Empty

 (Em is her friend. Took me a bit to understand that because I thought she was text-ually clearing her throat.)

I do decree it was lame of her to use "Lmao."

I got my hair did. It's that short all around. Originally she had it flat-ironed to my head. My round fucking head. Even the bangs she left me were trying to make my face a square. But I'm not a [square]. So, I went home. Cut my own bangs as short as I wanted. Then I wet it and let my natural curl take place. In person, it looks very vintage-British. I like to think I'm that cool.

Jaccob is playing Sleeping Dogs right now. I'm trying to find middle ground in music. I have been devotedly listening to his Pandora station "The Used." So I find songs. Right now, I'm listening to The Used's album In Love and Death. I'm trying really hard. He did with mine. The only band he successfully likes is The Black Kids, and they haven't made an album in a few years. He got me obsessed with Kings of Leon. They've been dominating my playlist for several upon several months. My favorite album is still Only by The Night. So, if you find a kick ass shirt with that album, hit me up.
They're the only band I actually want to see live at the moment.

My puppy is proving how much of a strict, dominate mother I would be.
I'm talking, sit down and listen.
River does neither. She's so fucking defiant. The other day when it was merely me and her, she looked me right in the eyes and began peeing.
I started cursing and trying to catch her. She knew what she did. That's why she high-tailed it out of there.
She also likes pissing on my bed. I wouldn't let her up here anymore, but those puppy eyes do swoon Jaccob and Jaccob swoons me. It's a very rough cycle, very rough on the skin. Have to moisturize twice a day.

I have nothing interesting to say.

Oh. When I was at the gas station the other day. I heard some guy coughing up something. I looked over and some dusty, middle-aged guy was chucking out his lunch beside his pick-up truck. Then he stopped, wiped off his lips with his forearm and just casually headed up to the minit mart.
Kudos, stranger.
I've seen more people vomit out and around their car than actually seeing my vomit hit the toilet. I know, I miss a lot.
Ha, get it?

I'm about to piss my pants.

Cock-it

So, I paid four-hundred and fifty dollars for a cock block. Honestly. River loves interrupting our "physical time." We now have to go through a fucking ritual to have "physical time."

After I shower, I usually smoke. That's a ritual within itself.
Jaccob usually talks to me while I do so (because he's so amazing while I smoke).
Then we lay in bed, talking, as we wait for River, who crawled up on our chests, or face, to sleep. We wait for her snoring, or her little paws twitching to puppy dreams.
I usually move her to her bed.
We wait for a minute to make sure she's still asleep.
When that's one-hundred percent, we get at it.
But, some nights, she just won't take to her bed. She will get up and sit up on the bottom of Jaccob's end table to whine on the bed while making eye contact. I try to ignore, but Jaccob is the lovable fool who looks at me with his own puppy eyes to get her on the bed.
We allow her and usually decide to not finish and do our separate things until we fall asleep.

It's really depressing.
So much money for something that won't allow a dick inside of me.

But, between you and I, I think she's purposely doing it so we won't procreate.

That's all I had to say.
I just really wanted that out of me, which is the exact opposite of what I want with Jaccob's penis.

Fuck me.

My Hands Smell Like Penis

So, Jaccob and I were having pillow talk and we started discussing disfigurements with people and how you can't stare, no matter how intringing because it's just considered rude. But, all you want to do is ask questions and touch it and such.
Well, I mentioned this one man I saw while working. He was very tan, tall, and had on a typical, single-male attire, atop with a hat. What wasn't normal were the little knots under his skin, all over him, head-to-toe, like alien armor. Then Jaccob made the, "Ewwwwwww," sound.
"I know. What if they were on the bottom of his feet, inside his mouth? What if they were little tumots?"
"Or," Jaccob retorted, "they're all little bubbles that you can pop with a pin or something. Like a blister and all the puss comes out."
"Ew, shut up!"
"What if they're all over the bottom of his feet and he leaves a trail of slime behind him as he walks away."
"Seriously, Jaccob, this is making me nauseous."
"What if they're in his ass and when he wipes he pops a few and has to stay on the toilet..."
"Jaccob, this is fucking sick, stop."
"What if they're all over his penis and when he masturbates he uses them as self-lubricate."
I twisted his nipple.
"Fine," he said as he chuckled. "I'll stop."
There was a pause, then I began laughing. "Self-lubricate."

It's been a blur since the last entry.
The puppy, River, is growing like a fucking weed.
Work is just work.
Jaccob and I have been so busy going to my mom's, Glasgow, and work that we really don't have time for each other.
Oh, what happened in Glasgow...

Jaccob and I went to to a party at his brother's. Without asking, Jaccob told me he'd be the DD that time so I could actually drink. I'm not a big drinker and only rarely do it, so I never mind being the DD. Well, I let myself get a tad tipsy.
I knew I was drunk when I stopped at the front door, looking across their spacious floorplan of the living/dining room along with a kitchen, to their backdoor. And the people coming in would look around the empty house and then catch my eye behind the front screen door. They would pause, realize I'm not breaking my eye contact, and awkwardly walk away.
Three people did this with me and only one laughed -- he already knew me anyway, so I don't know if I should count him (not Jaccob).

Saw my puppy vomit today in slow action. It was beige, green sludge and it slid right onto my sister's arm and leg. She was pissed, but I was definitely laughing on the side. She was not happy with me, because, apparently, dogs get car sick to my "crazy driving."

Two young girls, at a local park, decided it was a good idea to put a friend in a box, with sticks for arms, and small eye holes to walk around and not have a reason for doing so. Young whippersnappers.

This 23-year-old isn't young and wants to go to bed.

PSST, check out River's Blog.

Fancy Title

Right now, I'm eating ice cream naked on my bed. Jaccob is beside me watching this awful show Continuum or some shit. It's bad. But the ice cream is Breyer's Blast! Reese's. It would be more awesome if it had more Reese's. I usually just ate a snickers/pay day with vanilla or butter pecan ice cream. Just dip that hard, long bar of chocolate or peanuts into the frozen cream. Yeah, guess where I got that from? Sugar and Spice. Not a bad combo.

 Isn't she fucking cute? Jaccob went to go put her back on the bed and he stopped and went, "Aw, don't fucking move."
Then got his phone.
Then took a lot of pictures.

So, Jaccob and I got a lot done with our short story collection idea. We just want to come up with a bunch of ideas, write them out, and make a book type thing. We have two ideas. One is a futuristic comedy. The other is a very serious fiction.

Jaccob went to go get his check out of the car, which he kept on top of his folded up sun visor. When going back to the car after cashing out the check, I went to sit down and rammed my head into the sun visor he never closed. He laughed so hard that he nearly peed himself.

We babysat his toddler nephew, Owen. It was a good time. The boy was well behaved which was really new. Still had that weird fresh smell. We bought him a train and his little sister two skirts. He got to play at the play set. He made a friend. It was adorable.

I'm reading 1Q84. So far, very interesting.

I have nothing else to say.
I'm just bored and don't want to sleep yet. Time to suck in my yellow belly and get my ass to bed.

PS - Fallon, my title was a nod to you.

PSS -

I was purposely making a funny sound. End result is perfection.