My Boyfriend is Gay

He is. See, I took a bubble bath. A sweet, sensual, naked, frothy, steamy bubble bath. My skin pinkened, my hair got wet on the tips, and the bubbles just could not cover my lady parts. I even left the bathroom door unlocked for Jaccob to see, to talk to me. For the sixteen minutes I blew at bubbles, made shapes, and felt the little air pockets roll across my skin, Jaccob did not, not even once, come see me in the bathtub. I walked out, told him this, then said he liked men.

I did the whole set up. A porn director could do no better (of course I'm sure that the porn director would have another guy and a dildo lurking somewhere in that water).

He redeemed himself later, but, damn. He's that one fish that doesn't take the bait.

However, the point of all that is not my title's subject, it is that bubble baths, airborne, are absolutely fucking amazing. I completely loved the feel of a thick layer of bubbles moving between my sliding hands. I cannot think of another relaxing moment.

Trivia for this story: It was the last of Japanese Cherry Blossom Bubble Bath that was Jaccob's. I don't own bubble bath soap.

May gave me this and said, "It's a rock... That looks different. Just like when I drew daddy the turtle that looked different."

'Nuff said.

She never followed through with the rabbit.

Jaccob - Take the top cover off because I don't want to be too hot.

Me - Or collllld.

Jaccob - Yes. Because if you have the two....

Me - We get it. You're the Goldie Locks of temperature.

School is going okay. My first week was very stressful. Mostly in the unprepared sense. I just cannot get my shit together. I just don't have the stamina or drive. I wonder where I could find some... Probably in the sweat and tears of the honor's dorm. Those kids know how to be quiet and study. DON'T WORRY. I'm doing better. Just did my agenda for the next week and have some of the studying finished. 

I'm drunk right now, so I shouldn't really study.

I should be writing my story. It's hard to concentrate anymore.

I guess this is ta-ta for now, folks. Have fun in all your life's endeavors. 

There's Hopping and Bars

First off, let me say how horrible I am in the visual arts. I am just really crappy with a paint brush, or any utensil used to recreate an image. But, Jaccob and I were talking. I said I wanted to paint him a picture. He said he would hang it. Yeah, girls, I know, sweet. Whatever. But I did. This is what I did. 

THREE hours and two dirty hands later this came about.

She didn't like the bunny ears.

Alura had a 31st birthday part last weekend. It was fun. Seriously.
I went to my first bars.
Yes, twenty-three-years-old and never went to a bar within itself. And I did. Had my hand stamped and everything.
Saw Alan drunk. That was fun. Slurring his words and him just yelling, "FUCK YEAH."
Todd drove through his yard to get out of the driveway and got it stuck. It's still there. In the middle of his backyard. Alura was worried how trashy they'd look.
I saw some co-workers drunk. Really drunk.
I had to pee so bad and I was not, I repeat, was not using it at the bars. I ran inside the house. And I'm surprised this o' gal didn't get a bladder infection.
As Jaccob and I were leaving, they asked why, and I replied, "Because if he wants to have sex before I fall asleep then we have to leave now."
They hugged me and said how much they loved me for saying that.

What else has happened?
OH YEAH.

Got me hair did. Cut like four to five inches off my hair. A woman said it looked "mature." I like that.
I was in the Liquor Barn parking lot.
That's before I bought your Birthday present, Fallon.

She had too much catnip. 

You Virus'd Me Up

That's what Jaccob just said to me.
This blog post has a new locale, ladies and germs.
I am at Jaccob's house while he's lazily on his phone. He looks completely bored. Know what he's reading on his phone? My blog.

Me - I'm updating my blog at your house.
Jaccob - Aww, you forgot your hat.
Me - *looks over and grabs his black knitted one* That's okay, I have this one. I'll just stretch it over my big head.
Jaccob - *in a sincere whiny voice* Noooo, don't do thaaat.
Me - That was a believable concern?

At work today, during Jaccob's and Todd's lunch, and my thirty minute break...
Jaccob - There should be a certain length on blog posts so I don't have to read nine pages of someone's blog.
Todd - Don't read it then.
Jaccob - I don't, but, still, there should be.
Todd - I don't want one so short where I accidentally read it before I can stop.

We got a new cat! "Muffy is the name, struttin' is my game." She's cool, but bipolar and really doesn't like Molly, my dog. 

Jaccob and I, the other, other night, went to Starbucks. While I was reading, I looked up and saw this. Then Cody, a co-worker of ours, sees us and challenges Jaccob to make him a dog. Jaccob took the opportunity and used it to his advantage. 

"Ruff, ruff..."

I will not try and make a Mine Craft joke, I will not make a Mine Craft joke...

Or a Baha Men joke either...

Good, I succeeded.

And the last thing before I go and try to talk Jaccob in to playing Rummy with me....

Jaccob and I were in the kitchen eating his very tasty nacho dip when he invited his brother to eat some. Brother stands in front of me beside the stove to get some. Jaccob came over and swatted at my left boob. I started really laughing while Jaccob looked satisfied and WHILST Jordan began looking very awkward.

I then pointed at Jordan and asked Jaccob, "You know he can see in his peripherals, don't you?"

Jordan then walks away to the other side of the kitchen.

I'm still laughing.

Jaccob disappears.

Brother then begins rambling about nonsense really and then lastly says, "Yeah, I'm trying to lessen the awkwardness but it's not working."

I then decided to walk away, still laughing.

Tha-tha-tha-thaaat's allll, Folks!

24-hours of Animals

Micheru had this really great idea of writing down a list of animals all around the present-day world that I would like to be for an hour. So, in a course of 24-hours I can be 24 different animals. Of course we're all consciously aware of what we're doing.
Ha.
I told Micheru, "You know if this could really happen, we'd never be the same coming back. Whether it's good or bad."
So, here is my list and explanations as to why I would like to be them. Starting at...

12AM - Tucan. I want to fucking be a bird in the rain forest. And hopefully guard some fruit loops. I'm sure there's a treasure trove of the shit.
1AM - Dolphin. I would like to make air bubbles to amuse myself, along with having sex for pleasure. And get to make that awesome E E E E E E E sound at people. Of course I would want to be a wild one, but that's beside the point.
2AM - Lemur. They're just cool.
3AM - Wolf.
4AM - Bullfrog.
5AM - Tarantula.
6AM - Gorilla. Need I say more?
7AM - Panda. It would be nice to wake up and yawn, stretch, eat some fucking bamboo. And to be that cute.
8AM - Flying snake. Because if I had to be any snake I would want to be one that flings itself between trees.
9AM - Fire ant. I really want to see a colony. I'm sure fire ants would be fucking serious about theirs. They're the "Fire Nation." Ha.
10AM - Brown Bear. They're just so cute. And I want to catch salmon.
11AM - The parasite that swims up urethras. It's okay to grab yourselves, guys. I mean the whole reason I want to do it is so I can hurt a man in the most painful way possible.
12PM - House dog. I stole this from Micheru because it would be cool to see the point of view of humans in the dog sense.
1PM - Sperm Whale.
2PM - Prairie dog.
3PM - Tortoise.
4PM - Banana Slug.
5PM - Anaconda.
6PM - Dung Beetle. I really want to know what it's like to crave to roll up shit in a ball.
7PM - Leopard.
8PM - Swan.
9PM - Vulture. I really want to know what it's like to crave dead, rotting flesh.
10PM - Butterfly. Like a Monarch. I guess that's obvious because of my love of the Venture Bros.
11PM - Giant Squid. Get to know their environment, you know?