♪: stomach growling

Me - Are you ducks still here?
Cricket - We have three.
Me - Did one fly away?
Cricket - Dunno.
*silent moment*
Cricket - it's so cute though, in the morning, if the ducks are hungry, they'll come up to the porch because Tina puts the corn up here for the kids. The kids will actually throw the food at the ducks.
Me - Like chuck it?
Cricket - Yeah! Zakery is getting good!
Me - Zach and the stick and the duck. *laughs* best shit ever! I love that little guy - he's so funny.
Cricket - Oh, btw, Kaylee has made a new friend because she's learned that she can have imaginary friends. And, so she was sitting there playing in the kitchen and Crystal goes, "what's your friend's name?" And she didn't have one yet, so she was trying to make up one and she saw a can... So, she's like, "Cooooooke...." and the rest of it turned out ot be cane. So, she had an imaginary friend named cocaine!
...Crystal stopped it.

*moment of silence*
Cricket - *looks over* Dude, we have a statue of an Indian?
Me - *looks over* What, where? *finally notices it under a table, in a shadow - jumps* fuck dude! That's scary as shit!

Me - If old stoners think we're funny, I guess we're not buzzkills.
Cricket - *moment of silence* that was beautiful.

These aren't from last night (although I shared them with Cricket).
Me - *talking about the new guy at work with Heather* Have you seen his chest hair? It freaks me the fuck out! It makes me gag. Poofing out from his shirt.
Heather - *makes a face* Why would I look at his chest hair?
Me - I don't know. It's just there and now the only thing I can stare at.
*the next day*
Heather - One girl from produce is actually nice. We were at the trash compactor and she was just, ah, she was nice.
Me - You know that guy with the speech impedement? It only makes him cuter.
Heather - Josh?
Me - You know their names? He's the one always talking to that short blonde-hair girl.
Heather - Yeah and her name is (something I cannot remember).
Me - How do you know their names?
Heather - They have name tags.
Me - Yeah, but you actually look at them.
Heather - At least I don't look at their chest hair!

*My father recently bought my mom these coffee cups she had loved and they got them in. They were showing them to me*
Mom - I wish you'd stop buying me things, Jimmy!
Me - *turns to dad, and imitating mom's voice* Yeah, Jimmy, stop lavishing me with gifts!

ps - Remember MY skeleton Cricket stole for me?
Well, here's hers.