♪: arctic monkeys - brainstorm

Me - Mom, do you know how much strive your other daughter has?
Mom - What?
Me - Amanda has absolutely no strive. See we were at the theater and I brought up 'What to do during a zombie apocalypse' and Amanda told us she would turn herself into a zombie as quick as she can so she doesn't have to see her friends, family and loved ones die. She doesn't even want to try.
Mom - Hm.
Me - We told her we would keep her on the leash and, when we camp out, tie her to a tree.
Mom - *smiles*
Me - Depending on the weather conditions, I would camp out in the woods. I mean, what zombie would be in the woods?
Mom - Wood zombies.
Me - Haha, nooo. They would all flock to the cities!
Mom - Rednecks, Heather.
Me - Noooo, they would get in all their pick up trucks saying, "WOOOO, goin' to catch me a zombie."
Mom - No, they'd try to make zombie deers.
Me - hahahahahaha. You're right!
Mom - In the process, they'd get drunk and let their guard down and the next thing you know they're getting bit on the neck.
Me - I still think they'd flock to the city, that's where all the meat is. I would at least try to live as long as possible. I would leave all you behind because, you know, you'd slow me down. Heck, I'd get your guns and do a little role-playing with Resident Evil.

OH.
(email)
Kyle - Well someone I know said they slept with someone else I know. It's clearly a lie, but there's like a 1% possibility of it being true, 99% probability it's a lie. I was thinking I should ask the person (the girl that got slept with) but not right now. He kept on saying he did, like three times. What should I do? I have lost sleep over this. I'm not jealous, but it's the principle of the matter that is at stake here.
Should I find out? Because I REALLY think this is just a lie. He keeps on talking about it.
Me - I'd ignore it.
What are you going to do with the information, nothing? If you do need to know, just know, just don't do anything with the information - it makes you look like an asshole (even more), trust me.
Kyle - I have to know, just to know it's a lie. I'm not jealous, I'm just wanting to know it was a lie. He told all these people that he slept with her and I know she hadn't slept with anyone here. That's a fact. She was a bit of a feminist type.
Me - Haha, that's funny.
Feminist.
Kyle - Well she'd get pissed when you joked about sex with another girl. She'd get all pissed if you even flirted with her. I am telling you it's not like her to have had sex with him.
Me - Sounds like she needs to get laid.
Haaaaaaaaaaa.

ANDDD, he didn't get it.